JW Bro-in law dies

by borgfree 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  borgfree

  Sunday my brother-in-law, Loyd Gardiner, died. I think some of you know him. He was an elder in the Richmond, Indiana congregation for about 50 years.

  My son and I are having real problems deciding what to do. We had decided not to go to the services because almost everyone there will be JWs and we do not see the need to expose ourselves to the rude treatment by them.

  I got a phone message last night from someone, not baptized JW, who thought we should go to the viewing today, to show "our respects"

  I am thinking, right now, that we will go this evening. I must say, I do not want to go. I have been in this position before. Last year my oldest sister died, she was a JW in her youth, but stopped having anything to do with the organization many years ago. All of my JW family were there, they congregated on the other side of the room talking etc. while I sat on the other side of the room, by myself.

  My thoughts are, that we should show that we care, and think of them, even though they do not return the sentiments.

  I welcome any comments.

  Borgfree
• 

  Robdar

  My thoughts are, that we should show that we care, and think of them, even though they do not return the sentiments

  Borg,

  Very good idea. Although the point will be lost on them. You have class, Borgfree. I wish you well.

  Love,

  Robyn
• 

  Simon

  Ignore how they treat you. Go and show your respects to the person who died. Anyone looking on will see how twisted they are bringing personal beliefs into such an occasion.
• 

  TR

  Borg,

  Sorry about your BIL. I agree with you and the others. You should go.

  TR
• 

  LB

  Attend anyway. You respectfully attending makes a more Christian like statement than their shunning you doesn't it?

  But attending anything of this nature sucks even when JW's aren't involved. Too bad they have to make it worse than it already is.
• 

  Nathan Natas

  I have to ask you - if the toe-tag was on the other foot and YOU were the one who had died, do you think ol' Loyd would have scheduled time to "pay his respects" to you?

  Or would he be recalling the FINE admonition of Matthew 8:22; But Jesus said unto him, Follow me; and let the dead bury their dead."?

  I think you should do what suits YOU, not what suits the imagined will of a dead man.
• 

  pettygrudger

  Have to agree - alot of people will be given the knowledge of what "true" christianity is all about.

  Personally I feel anytime we "shunned" ex-JW's do something that takes this must strength & courage, we show people how "unworldly" the world is, and how wrong they are.

  This doesn't make it easier of course - good luck Borg!
• 

  Nancy K

  Hi...Please accept my sincere condolensces...If you want to go for your brother-in-law, then go, pay your respects (hold your head up in dignity) and leave. You don't have to 'hang around', if you know what I mean. I felt so badly for you when you wrote how your JW family treated you at the time of your sister's viewing. They are disgusting, in my opinion for the treatment they gave you! Don't put yourself thru that again, PLEASE!!! If YOU really want to pay your respects to your bro-in-law, then do so and leave. Don't put up with that 'abuse' again!! Do you hear me? You do not deserve to be treated that way from them or anyone else! Go in peace, leave in peace and BE IN PEACE!! Take good care, Nancy K.
• 

  Brummie

  Borg sorry to hear of your situation, sincere condolensces.

  Do whatever feels right for you and what ever brings peace, whether that be by attending or not.

  When my gran died I was forbidden to get into the funeral cars or go to the house after, I decided not to go to the funeral at first, the elders already sent word via my mom advising me not to go. However on the day of the funeral I had a surge of strength and marched into the kingdom hall, sat at the back, then went and got into the family funeral cars shoving my cousin up the seat so I could fit in, my JW family seemed to take it rather well (though not speaking) but the other none family JWs were horrified, worse still I went to the gathering after and mingled with the rightous, a quiet day but satisfying none the less. I went only to pay respect to my gran, if that offended them then it was their problem...not mine

  Brummie
• 

  borgfree

  Thanks everyone, I really appreciate your input.

  I am thinking mainly of my sister.

  Nathan, no, I sincerely doubt that he would have attended my funeral, if it had been the reverse situation. He has had Alzheimer's disease for the past several years, the last time I saw him, about 4 years ago, he did not remember that I was an "apostate" and when he saw me his face lit up with a big smile and was telling my sister something, while pointing at me, he was really happy to see me. Someone soon talked to him and calmed him down. That is my last memory of him.

  I agree with most of you that, being a Christian, I should show the love we should have.

  Nancy, I do not intend to allow myself to go through that kind of treatment, and co-operate with it. We will, as you said, hold our heads up in dignity and let them see we are not "out there somewhere in darkness"

  I will not take time to address each of you personally, but, I thank everyone of you for your good wishes, thoughts, and advise, you are the best.

  Borgfree