12 email commandments to live by

by SPAZnik 10 Replies latest social humour

  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    EVERYONE PLEASE PUT YOUR HANDS ON YOUR MONITOR AND REPEAT THESE WORDS WITH ME:

    1) I will NOT get bad luck, lose my friends, or lose my mailing lists if I DON'T forward an email!

    2) I will NOT hear any music or see a taco dog, if I do forward an e-mail.

    3) Bill Gates is NOT going to send me money, Victoria's Secret doesn't know anything about a gift certificate they're supposed to send me.

    4) Ford will NOT give me a 50% discount even if I forward my e-mail to more than 50 people!

    5) I will NEVER receive gift certificates, coupons, or freebies from Coca-Cola, Cracker Barrel, Old Navy, Outback Steakhouse or anyone else if I send an e-mail to 10 people.

    6) I will NEVER see a pop-up window if I forward an e-mail..NEVER-NEVER!!
    7) There is NO SUCH THING as an e-mail tracking program, and I am not gullible enough to think that someone will send me $100 for forwarding an e-mail to 10 or more people!

    8) There is NO kid with cancer through the Make-a-Wish program in England collecting anything! He did when he was 7 or 8 years old. He is now cancer-free and 35 years old and DOESN'T WANT ANYMORE POST CARDS or GET-WELL CARDS.

    9) The government does not have a bill in Congress called 601B (or whatever they named it this week) that if passed, will enable them to charge us 5 cents for every e-mail we send.

    10) There will be NO cool dancing, singing, waving, colourful flowers, characters, or program that I will receive immediately after I forward an-mail. NONE, ZIP, ZERO, NADA!!
    11) The American Red Cross will NOT donate 50 cents to a certain individual dying of some never-heard-of disease for every e-mail address I send this to.
    The American Red Cross RECEIVES donations.
    12) And finally, I WILL NOT let others guilt me into sending things by telling me I am not their friend or that I don't believe in Jesus Christ.

    If God wants to send me a message, I believe the bushes in my yard will burn before He picks up a PC to pass it on! And my friends already know that I love them - whether or not I respond to or forward an email. Now, repeat this to yourself until you have it memorized, and send it along to at least 5 of your friends before the next full moon or you will surely be constipated for the next three months and all of your hair will fall out. Oh, and you will have really good luck if you send me $20.

  • ballistic
    ballistic

    ok I just forwarded that to about a dozen people.

  • SPAZnik
  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    Did you put your hands on the monitor?

  • Mac
    Mac

    Sassyspaz,

    Send me an E-mail or I'll know you are not my friend and no longer believe in Jesus Christ!

    mac, of the I'm typing with my nose, cuz my hands are on the monitor class

  • ring
    ring

    [email protected] pretty good...

  • SPAZnik
    SPAZnik

    mac - will do asap, k. (not near hotmail right now)

  • Simon
    Simon

    ... but what about the ones offering university diplomas, viagra and asking if your breasts are big enough?

    I keep explaining that "I'm fine thanks" but still they keep coming back

    Actually, have you ever considered ... people would not send this spam if it didn't work so there must be some people who do reply to these types of email! A sobering thought ...

  • xenawarrior
    xenawarrior

    Simon- Did you ever figure out if your breasts were big enough? Or did you just order the product?

    XW

  • snakecharmer
    snakecharmer

    i have one more to add: thou shalt not send an email and then call every five minutes to make sure it was received.

    i used to have a friend who would do this and annoy me to no end

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