I want to say.....I believe Happy Man....I realy do. All Faiths have these problems today. Watch the news and see for yourself...all Religion is getting a bad rep. due to bad un-loving leadership practices.
On this forum though it is the JW Faith that most have been abused in...so here many feel it is the most unfair Faith.
I will share one personal thing...maybe I shouldn't since I am so new and then after I post this I will feel so guilty I'll get sick. Everytime I share anything that happened I get so sick and depressed. I feel like I am hindering Jah's Spirit and possibly hurting another persons standing with Jehovah.Or Giving Jehovah A Bad Name. I haven't even told my worldly family about this.They would so flip as they know how in need I was. They always would like to mock me about The Truth. They'd say How come JW's can build a Kingdom Hall in 2 days but there is no one to come help you a single mom fix her house? Or how come you have no rides to the meetings when your car is broken if JW's love each other so much?Oh and How come no one helps you fix your car so you only have to pay for parts?My worldly family had been after me even before I was baptised with questions more along these lines....not realy doctrinal ones. So I ignored thier questions because as a JW I would be free from pagenism and be practicing Pure Worship.
Truthfully in my area they do have alot of partys...but usually these are for an occation and not just for fun. You know anniversary,graduation,etc.Something that requires the mandatory gift
Still,now and again the exceptional JW would do something that took alot of sacrifice, time,effort,and caring for me and the children. This always seemed to happen right when I thought I could not take it anymore. I always did and still do view these times as gifts from Jehovah Thru Christ Jesus And I would tell this to the ones who helped me. I'd say ,"How's it feel to be an Instrument of Jehoavh?"
Now to get to the point...sorry I tend to run on at times So about my disfellowshipment....
Before I met with my elders I was at rock bottom. It had been possibly the most worst year of my life. I went to them...they would have never known anything if I hadn't and I'd still be attending in good standing today. These men who I have known for many MANY years and thought as my friends went for the jugular! I was so shocked and dismayed but my heart was too sad to defend myself.I was Very hurt beyond words....I'm actually crying now writing this. Sorry.
One of the 3 elders kept getting shocked looks as the other 2 did thier Church Lady Superior Dance around me. One even laughed at me! Still this elder who seemed so shocked didn't stop the farce...I guess I can't blame him....he could have been removed or dissed himself. What he did do was ask me key questions that if I answered the way he hoped should have swayed this meeting in the right direction.
I did respond as he had hoped.....through my tears I could see him get a proud look and smile.Of the 3 he has known me longer.
His mild tactic did not stop the other 2. They only verbally attacked my older daughter saying she was rebelious...because of a hair cut mistake! This was proof that I was rebelious they said.
If you knew my daughter...you'd know this is not so...I call her #1 like Captain Picard calls Tom and have often told her that she has shown me how it must feel for Jehovah and Jesus. They have an intimate Father ,Son relationship and my daughter and I have the same.(Mother/Daughter) She often chooses to do things with me rather then hang out with friends. When she does leave my side it usually is to work...which by the way at 16 she always insists on giving me her money to contribute to our very low income. She is the meekest person I know. These elders knew that the doctors said they believed her Father abused her sexually as a toddler and were using some of her self abusive behaviors(Burning herself...cutting herself....etc) as proof she and I were rebels! There is much more to this story but I realy can't type it all as I just start crying and shaking. Lets just say my children and I were in a bad situation besides the "Loose Conduct" I was before them about. They abandoned us 100% They wouldn't listen just got rid of the problem of me and my children.
After I was dissed I had no one to go to for anything....not even to talk. I attended every meeting including the announcment for over 9 months. Although the mags say the elders should talk to dissed who show they are trying...these ones never did. Not even the elder who apeared shocked.I decided to move in with woldly family to make finances easier. but they are opposed and this makes other things difficult.
Due to the move I had to change my card to a new cong. After so much isolation I became real depressed and started having suicdal thoughts....I'd say to myself stop that...you have these kids...what will they do? They will be left in thier fathers hands and surely abused. Still the feelings of absolute worthlessness as no elder reaches out to give me hope....I wrote them a letter as to some of my cercumstances and needed a reply so I could know where to attend meetings....they never answered. I started thinking all I could offer my children is death since I am unclean to Jehovah. One day my father gathered all my children to take them to lunch. I kissed them good buy and went to my room to cry. The house was quite and I believed myself alone. My father stores fire arms in his garage and I thougt my children would be better off without me....I am such a bad mom getting Disfellowshipped and ruining thier lives. I started running through the house to the garage crying all the way. Only my father goes out there...only he would find me not them....then right when I hit the last room of the house....there sitting in the den was my # 1. She didn't see me as her back was toward me and I slowly turned around and quickly headed to my room. Praying and crying to Jehovah for many hours.Thanking Him and asking forgiveness.
I have gotten upset now and have lost my train of thought....what I have to say though is that even through all I have been through...I think Happy Man is correct. All faiths have these problems and even have suicides.But you can see Jehovah's blessings every where. Look I am alive because Jehovah gave me such a wonderful child who hadn't wanted to leave her mother home alone! I know Jehovah arranged this..... and that elder who was shocked.... recently he gave my daughter the letter I gave the elders about some of my situations and told her to give it to my new elders. The elders there had never passed it on with my records....I think Jehovah's spirit proded him. And at my new cong one of the elders has taken intrest in my youngest who is autistic...helping him be able to answer....There are other things that tell me this is the truth too but I have upset myself too much speaking of all this and the kids are in the room and can see me cry.
Ty for listening to my rantings my new friends.
bye bye 4 now.
agape,
Utopian Raindrops
