Need to help my Mother

LostinSpace

Hi,

Im sure you have all heard the same sort of story day in day out on these forums'...but I need help.

My mother has been a JW for over 20 years now. During my childhood I was taken to KH every week (my father wasn't/isn't a JW and was always working away). During my school years I was "mentaly" abused by other children because of my mothers beleifs. I was tormented, spat at, kicked constantly...I kept this to myself.

I love my mother and until recently i respected that she had her beleifs and left it at that. I moved away from home the minute I could - and started a new life for myself. I used to hate going back to visit - because even as an adult I would still get the snigger's and the verbal abuse from other adults - it broke my heart as a child.

It was my decision not to tell my parents about the tormenters - things would of been 100 times worse if my mother would of gone into school.

A few nights ago I was walking around in my "new" town and noticed a young kid being tormented and attacked by other children - he was in obvious distress - I shouted at the other kids and for a second or two I was being called a "JW" again (I cant even say the word - It make me cringe) - I couldnt beleive it after all these years - all the bad memories came flooding back.

I decided there and then that I needed to do something - Ive left this so long, my mother who I love dearly is trapped within this organization - I didnt even know anything about the JW until I made some research on the net - I was shocked.

It gave me the strength to confront my mother - unfortunately I did this the "cowardly" way by phoning her (after I had drank some beer) - purely because Its been boiling iniside of me for all these years - It took a lot of courage from my point - last thing I want to do is hurt my mother.

I know deep down that if I approach my mother with genuine fact and have enough evidence to back me up - that she might beleive me. The most difficult aspect is the fact that she has lost all her "genuine" friends - and only has a social life around JW - telling her some hard facts and taking her "social" life away would be a devastating knock for her - but I cant let her be manipulated any longer.

I am over the moon that there is so much support out there with these discussion boards, but to be honest - there is maybe too much information - I need help and guidance on how I am going to present the TRUE facts to my mother.

I have spoken to her last night (sober) and It was very difficult - she was very defensive about JW, and I know I have a struggle on my hands - but shes worth the struggle.

Any help would be brillaint. Thanks

D

avishai

Man, it's a slow, patient process. It took me about 5 yrs. to get my mom totally out. Start HER talking about it, things and/or people she resents, etc. It takes gentle nudging & making it seem like its her idea. Ask lots of questions, & make her think you were more plastered thatn you really were/are. It'll be easier for her to accept.

avishai

Oh, yeah, one more thing. (((((((((((((lostinspace)))))))))))). It's hard, I also got my share of ass-kickings. And dealing w/ some one still in the borg is very hard. Keep it up, though, My mom is now even more rabid anti-jw than I am.

LostinSpace

wow - I am overwhelmed that in a matter of a few mins Ive had a reply and someone actually speaking to me about it - Ive never been able to share any of this with anyone. Thanks - there might be a light at the end of that tunnel.

qwerty

Hi D

Don't give up, trying. My mother was a JW like me for more than 16 years, now she's out after DA herself last spring.

I was still going to the meetings in my congregation (for inlaw family reasons) under duress for many months knowing after doing months of research that it was not the truth. My wife knew just how I felt at having to put on a front every time I visited the KH. It got to the point where I had to see the doctor, who put me on anti-depressants.

Anyway each year in times passed my mother always came to stay at our home over Christmas, the rest of my fleshly family always had a get together at that time of year. Last Christmas, she came over as usual, like you the person I hated to upset the most was my mum, with apostate thoughts. I did not want her to have her whole social structure ripped away from her if she did accept what I had come now to believe.

To cut a long story short, "short" being the operative word because I had drank a few (isn't it strainge how JW's have a custom of getting booze into the house at Christmas time, and say it because of having time off work!) >>>anyway I can not remember how I got around to saying I did not believe JW to have the true religion anymore, but some how I found the words to tell her how I felt.

Instead of falling to bits at what I had to say, she said she had been feeling the same way too, WHAT A SUPRISE, and wondered why I had not been all witnessy in my talkin as I normaly was, she said this explains it.

Don't worry too much God has away of helping things turn out OK in the end.

Drop me an email, I see you are in the UK like me, I'd be happy to give you a call.

Qwerty

Edited by - qwerty on 3 December 2002 4:50:9

Guest 77

My mom has been associated with the org,since 1948. She devotes her service to Jah by spreading the good news and not for the org. She's happy in her little world and I'm not going to disturb it.

My mom and I are at peace with each other because I confronted her face to face on issues.

Not all situations have the same solutions.

Guest 77

qwerty

Guest 77

My wife is still an active JW. Most of her family and friends all are. She knows that everything in life is not all black and white and even agrees with alot of "apostate" reasoning, although not openly admitting it enough to commit herself.

The point is she could not live without this social structure, that she as been used to all her life from the womb. Also she loves her parents dearly, and does not want to do anything that would hurt them, so she is content to do the witnesses thing.

She's an adult and entitled to do her own thing and I have to be content with this too.

Qwerty

LostinSpace

Thanks Guest 77 for your words.

I understand your feelings, I was going to just be my Mother's Son and let her "do her own thing" and not disturb her - but I couldnt live with my concience if I were to allow her to be manipulated by an Organisation that I know nothing about...example...if you were to be told that your Mother's Bank Manager was happily telling your mother than her mortgage was been paid and after 25 years she would own her own property, but in reality the Bank Manager was lying and she wouldnt have her property paid for then you as a son would have a duty to point these things out to her....I feel the same about what I have learned about the Organization during the past few days/weeks (I am still researching, looking for the correct things to say to my mother)..hence the cry for help on this site.

The more I think about my childhood - I can vividly remember that my mother has this dream that if she is a Good JW then she will be saved etc etc... I feel that the JW is that Bank Manager who is giving false dreams....and in the mentime has wrecked my family...My mother probably has a happy time whilst in the realms of the KH - but when she goes home to the village - she is an "outcast" - the last thing I want to do is take that away from mum - I want to help her.

I know the example above is a bit tame - but I am genuinly concerned for my mother - If I knew all the information i know now, then I would of done something sooner.

She is missing out on a life

thanks for your words.

D

link

LostinSpace

Be careful that what you are doing is for your Mom and not for yourself.

I am in exactly the same position as qwerty and quite a few others on this board. We would love to get our loved ones out but not at any expense. The price could well be too high in the pain that they would feel in losing everything that has been so real to them for so long. The exact same things that are not real to us.

If you decide to go ahead you must realize that although there are common denominators as to why people are in, the tactics that you could use to help them see the light are very, very specific to the individual. If you are going to do this properly, it is my belief that you will have to do a lot of research and look deeply into what is driving your Mom before you make any serious move.

Go slowly and give it a lot of thought.

Best of luck

link

LostinSpace

Thanks Link for your wise words.

Must admit didnt think in that way.

I am making a lot of effort to reseach (there is a lot of info out there....where to start!!) the subject matter - so I can hoefully understand the structure of the whole organisation and then hopefully be in a position to understand what "makes mum tick" and take it from there....I know this won't be an easy road..but with the help of sites like these - you know you dont feel alone..

thanks

D

Need to help my Mother

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