I know I`ve put this out there before but I want to put it in a different context & see what you think. I`ve shunned my parents for 20 years (farther, step-mother) because they victimized me every day of my life as a child, believe me when I tell you that writing this , is unbelievable hard, it is making me shake & cry to be pulling up the memories. All of what happened I could have forgiven, but one thing. When they started to treat my children the same way, then I walked, have never looked back, will never go, back, don't wont any inheritance as I feel this would be tainted. Had a nervous breakdown, suffered with PTSD, the stress at one point was so bad that I kept passing out having seizures where my brain was trying to cope with lack of sleep & anxiety. Until 8 months ago my partner came home & found me almost dead from an overdose. I was an enigma to the hospital how I survived. When I woke up in ICU the first words that came out of my mouth was, "I don't want to go to the assembly" now I`m bad association, semi shunned. You have become my friends as I start to rebuild my life. So shunning verses victimization, you see why there is a difference, a good side & a bad side, one that protects & one that tears down. Are JW protecting Gods congregation or tearing some-ones life apart. Please be honest, I would like to hear the truth.
shunning verses victamization
by Sabin 13 Replies latest watchtower beliefs
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Mephis
They say themselves, when it's about people joining the JWs, that people shouldn't be forced to choose between family and belief/religion. Not having people who are harmful in your life is a personal choice. Having your religion emotionally manipulate you into shunning someone solely because eg they believe different things to you is a different thing again from that. There's a very clear difference there to me. -
possum
Dont expect normal from a high control cult. Love is conditional on obedience to society first. (Its not personal they don't even know they are doing it that why cults work) I regularly/obediently shunned and did not question shunning when I was a witness and even shunned my best friend and my mother. When it happened to me I was astounded at the impact and how much it hurt. Best thing that ever happened to me!! I now see my remaining family inside cult as the victims. Take advantage of counselling and smell the roses. -
umbertoecho
I would say that they are tearing peoples lives apart. Now that you have put it in this context.
Then again. I have never agreed with shunning, as I am one of those "shunned" by the WTBTS standards. And we all know they have put a theocratic, spiritual spin on it.
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possum
I agree.... the WT societies creative interpretations of scripture not only "tear people lives apart" but stunt their potential eg, no higher education, single women who have never been able to find "a partner in the truth" who would have loved to have been mothers, intelligent, inspiring creative women who have had to suppress themselves and be "listen in silence"...an on and on it goes..................pretty dreadful all around...... -
maksutov
To my mind, the word 'victimization' is not very strong - it makes me think of someone who feels as though they have been hard done by (whether justified or not). 'Shunning' seems like a stronger word to me, although it might still not be clear whether the shunning is justified or not. I think the word 'bullying' is appropriate, although that can imply some form of ongoing active interference in the victim's life, which is usually not the case. 'Emotional blackmail' is another appropriate term, although it still doesn't seem strong enough to describe the devastation caused. 'Emotional abuse' might be used, but again that implies direct action, not withdrawal of interaction. I'm not sure there is a word or phrase in the English language that ideally fits the definition of JW shunning. -
tiki
I am so sorry to hear your pain...it is cruelty..but when you flip it..you are 100%right and doing the healthy thing to remove toxic relationships from your life. Find your peace..you deserve it bigtime!! -
poopie
I am very sorry to hear how unloveing you were treated by other humans it does not matter who treated you unloveing its never good. God hates all abuse even if someone feels its right to shun its still hurts the shunned and the shunner no one wins. SHUNNING is evil its from saten. NOW what can you do? You can show love to other humans even Jw never allow other humans to make you unloveing because you loose. Nixon once said otherrs may hate you but dont hate them because then you destroy yourself. -
Sabin
Maksutov, do you even know what the word shunning means? Full definition- to avoid deliberately & especially Habitually. May imply repugnance or abhorrence. Thesaurus-to keep away from (as a responsibility) through cleverness or trickery. I revealed this bit of my history to help you see outside the box. As i`ve explained before to shun is to imply the object or person being shunned is bad. That is not the case is it though, I ve know of parents who have had nervous break downs & have suffered unbelievable stress, sleepless nights crying because of their loss. Is it not so, that although they are shunning along with the rest they are also victims. They dont abhor they children, they love them. My dad was a coward, my step-mum a narcissist, But not JWs. I was the JWs. I abhor them both. I shun them cause they made me a victim. It`s hard for me to put in to words on a bloody computer. Look whatever happened when i was a child isnt the problem, when it came back i choose not to take anti depressants not because i dont agree with them but because i didnt want the emotions numbed. I wanted to understand every feeling, then i would understand others when they went through the same, i may in a small way be of help. This in no way made me a victim.It made me a survivor. The problem was when JWs saw me struggling they took advantage. For example, there may be a two-way relationship between victimization & certain internalizing symptoms such as depression or withdrawal, such that victimization increases these symptoms, & the individuals exhibiting these symptoms may be targeted for further victimization by others. Do you see, they pushed me over the edge with their constant pressure. The constant victimization from the WTBTS to do all the things they say, when i truely was unable, the thought of disobeying JAH by not attending the convention, or the horrible comments that i would have endured for not going was the straw that broke the camels back. So yes when they semi-shunned me it hurt, but when i discovered the difference between shunning & what was really happening to me (victimization) i stopped blaming myself & took back my power. Because i`m not bad or weak, i`m good & strong. And now i can go forward. I want this for others who may be suffering with depression, anxiety, PTSD because it may help them to rebuild their lives, Understanding that many who they love like family who dont associate with them any longer are victims of the WTBTS aswell. It might just make it alittle more bearable, it may safe a life. I hope this makes things a bit clearer. I would like very much your thoughts.
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maksutov
Hi Sabin, firstly, I apologise if I gave the impression I was accusing you of feeling unjustly hard done by - I was merely offering an opinion on the overall impression I immediately get when I hear certain words. You have evidently been through a great deal of hardship, and have probably given the subject a lot more thought than I have. I agree it is hard to put into words the complex web of actions, reactions, and emotions that result from the demands and behaviours of a high control group like the JWs.
I thought you were floating the idea that we should stop using the word 'shunning', and start using 'victimisation' instead. My take on that is that if a person really understands what the word means, it may well convey the pain and injustice more accurately, however, I don't think most people would immediately recognise the meaning of that word in the same way you do, and as such, much of its power to convey understanding is lost. But if you are advocating increasing awareness of what is involved in victimisation, I'm all for that.
Just as a side note, and for completeness, another word that possibly fits the situation quite well is 'ostracism'. That does focus on the bully and carries a negative connotation - it is less likely that someone would use it in a positive or justified way.