Benefits to strengthing SOCIAL ties between us?

by Pathofthorns 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  Pathofthorns

  I realize my comments are a bit wordy and my thoughts scattered, but I just thought i'd toss this out.

  In the past, JW's argued on doctrine and the xjw community argued also on doctrine. These days many JW's are no longer able to argue their own beliefs and the xjw communty has less interest in discussing JW doctrine or Christian doctrine. Proving JW doctrine right or wrong is practically pointless because no one cares and everything for the most part is purely social. JW's remain in for mostly social reasons and xjws are drawn to these discussion boards for mostly social reasons it seems.

  I think strengthening these social ties between us all is very key to strengthening our position against the WT, but also key to strenthening ourselves as individuals and collectively. If a more healthy and comfortable environment existed among xjw's outside of the WT, perhaps more JWs would be more inclined to leave.

  Our distaste for organization among ourselves, while understandable, does limit to some degree what we could accomplish otherwise. I think if stronger social ties existed between us, much more can be accomplished without any of us having to support any particular "organization".

  Those of us that have met face to face, and maybe only briefly and casually, know that such meetings alter our perception of each other and add a whole other dimention to this medium. I think if more of us would try to find ways of meeting up with each other in our area or in our travels things will change very much in positive ways.

  For many leaving the WT, life can be very scary and lonely. Not all will find themselves in a good position and it may take some time to get themselves on their feet again. When we meet these people in person it becomes much easier to help them and trust in the legitamacy of their situation. As more and more JW's that have been screwed over by the WT leave, an environment more conducive to our helping each other would be nice.

  And finally, when we meet people in person, it becomes much more difficult to hurt them online and we take fewer comments from people we know "the wrong way".

  I realize there will always be a place for the many brilliant essays and documents are available on many websites including many well-written books on the subject. But as the xjw community gets larger and larger the social element will become more and more important.

  I think we need to focus on ourselves as a distinct evolving culture and strengthen the ties between us and respect our differences if we are to be truly successful in defeating the WT.

  Path

  Edited by - Pathofthorns on 8 December 2002 9:15:56
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  DannyBear

  Path,

  ***if we are to be truly successful in defeating the WT.***

  Are WE really trying to do so? Is that why we come to these forums?

  Recently we all witnessed what transpired with Silentlambs, splintering the ex-jw community even more than it already was. Becoming more organized/social does not insure a cooperative result.

  Even these apostofests are predicated on an assumption, that being, since we are ex-jw we should be in attendance, we should seek each other out. Why?

  If several friendly people want to meet and enjoy an evening great. But to put some sort of 'cause' or social responsibility on it, diminishes the effort/enjoyment. Almost kin to meeting attendance, equating someone's worth by thier sharing comments and regular attendance.

  There are many poster's here (Iam sure this works in reverse as well) I don't ever care to meet up with, based solely on thier words recorded here. Why should I feel any compunction to be friendly with them? For the ex-jw cause?

  I like the way it is in everyday life, one on one, if you develope a friendship if based on reality, not some percieved goal or agenda.

  Danny
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  Pathofthorns

  Danny, I appreciate the truthfulness of your post.

  When I mentioned "defeating the WT", I did not mean it in the sense of destroying it or anything along those lines. I was referring to defeating them in a moral sense when we don't necessarily fit their stereotypes and prejudices about us. When we are not swallowed up with depression from having no one to talk to because of being DFed etc. and we make new friends, we defeat them imo.

  I didn't really intend to convey the thought of any sort of obligation to meet up with people or to meet up with any particular purpose or an agenda. But I realize by using the word "importance" in the title of the thread it could convey the idea of that and i apologize. (I have edited the title to make it less of a statement and to leave the topic more open to debate)

  I had just hoped to mainly convey that i have found it particularly helpful just to meet up in person, and even if only briefly or casually at times and that it can have positive effects. You are right in that the opposite could be true as well, but I think that depends very much on us.

  Thanks for the feedback.

  Path

  Edited by - Pathofthorns on 8 December 2002 9:16:44
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  Lutece

  Hey Path,

  hello (old handle was Pierced Angel). I agree that meeting up with some of you on the board has been very helpful to me during my transition from good witness girl to apostate slut. The bad association and worldly influences you xjw's have rubbed onto me have made life worth living again.

  Seriously, it was hard when I decided to disassociate myself, but the support of this board helped me realize that I wasn't alone, I wasn't the only one going through this turmoil and also that old truth, "there's always someone who has it worse than you do". Meeting some of you in person made me realize even more that the society is losing it's best and brightest people. Most of you are so good at using humor to ease your load, but I've seen the pain and felt closer to many of you because of our similar stories.

  Thanks Path, you always have a very eloquent way of stating truths. I always enjoy reading your posts, they are written with a flair that most certainly belongs to a great writer. It was nice meeting you in Toronto. I was surprised to see how young you were, you are so mature for your age. Maybe Beans or Quotes will put together a little apostofest to take away some of the winter monotony?

  Beans??? Quotes??? Peter Stride??? (I miss you too Peter! Where've you been?)

  Anne
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  DannyBear

  Path,

  ***When I mentioned "defeating the WT", I did not mean it in the sense of destroying it or anything along those lines. I was referring to defeating them in a moral sense when we don't necessarily fit their stereotypes and prejudices about us. When we are not swallowed up with depression from having no one to talk to because of being DFed etc. and we make new friends, we defeat them imo.***

  Yes. I could not agree more. Especially since I have the vivid memory of leaving in the early 80's, without the benefit of the internet. Those first 5 or 6 yrs after leaving, without anyone for support, were very difficult, so I truly agree with you.

  Thanks for your response, I do understand more clearly what you were trying to get at.

  Danny
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  Pathofthorns

  Hi Anne..

  I would love for someone (else..haha) to organize a get-together up here. I am sorry I was a bit run down from working during the day of the apostafest and made only a half-assed appearance but it was nice to meet you and others. I can say you are very well "put together" (lol) and you should be in Toronto instead of Michigan

  Path
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  MYOHNSEPH

  "I like the way it is in everyday life, one on one, if you develope a friendship if based on reality, not some percieved goal or agenda."

  I'm with you, Danny Bear. I don't consider myself part of any particular community, simply because I'm no longer a JW. In fact, one of the things I enjoy most about being an xJW, is the freedom to just be me, without feeling compelled to support or promote any particular group or agenda.

  "For many leaving the WT, life can be very scary and lonely." I'm sure that's true and I can appreciate the fact there are a great many xJWs who need to feel a comaraderie with others who have taken a like course or just feel they are a part of something. If they can find a way to help fill that need through forums like this, I think that's great. For me, it's just an enjoyable way of getting to express my individuality.

  But, that's just me!
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  rebel

  Speaking for myself, I love the information and support from this forum. However, I would never consider meeting up with anybody. Nothing personal - it's just the way I am.

  I enjoy all the different views - even if there are people who are strongly in favour of the WT organisation - that's fine. We are all entitled to our beliefs. It is just so nice to be able to express myself without others rolling their eyes and looking at me as if I had horns growing out of my head. I don't mind if people on this forum disagree with me or think I have a strange way of thinking. At least I have the opportunity to say what I feel without the elders coming down on me yet again.
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  Lutece

  Path, I just love Toronto. Big cities make for Big fun! Well, if someone "else" can plan an apostofest in Toronto, I'll be there. Save up a day off so you can be a part of the "party" ok? Don't want you to be too tired now....
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  blondie

  Most 12-step programs are based on that very premise to be around people who are dealing with similar life problems at differing stages of success. Some choose to associate socially outside the meetings but not all. Just because you are recovering alcoholic doesn't mean the rest of your life has much to do with another recovering alcoholic's life outside AA. But the support and understanding of that particular area of your life is there amongst those people. You may find people who also share similarities in other areas of your life, which is great.

  While not defeating the WTS, it can help you deal with and even defeat the baggage from the WTS by associating with "kindred spirits."

  Blondie