10 Years a WT Slave

MsJam

I'm new to the board. I did post a topic on my ex husband the difficulties I have with him and sharing my children. Thanks for all the great advice and I have put a lot of it into place.

I just feel the need to let you all know who I am and how I got here.I have never really discussed this before (except with my new husband) I just found that most people didn't understand and weren't interested. So I hope that I dont' bore you all....

I was 18. I met my first husband through a mutual friend. It was an instant attraction. We saw eachother practically everyday for 4 months. In that time I never once met his parents. Nor did we ever go anywhere public. Finally I asked him why...and the truth came out. Now this might not be a problem for some...but I was raised by pastors. Of course I had to try to save him and this is where I was so naive. He was raised as a JW and I didn't realize just how difficult it would be. My parents begged me to cut off the relationship. But I just couldn't ...we had gotten really involved(sexually speaking)and he being my first I just knew I was destined to marry him and have his children.(that was just the way I was raised) Silly me.

Anyway...I tried for several weeks to "help" him. We went to the library,since anything that I would have on JW would be biased and therefore he didn't want to read it. Little did I realize,but he was converting me. He used the time to make me question every belief I had been taught. This really shook my foundation. He explained to me that our relationship could not go any further unless I agreed to study and be baptized.Being young I just wanted to be loved and accepted...and before I knew it I had a study set up with his mother. Finally I got to meet his parents.

The lying started and I snuck around to go to meetings. My parents got wind...and well you can guess. They kicked me out..disowned me. They even threw away my baby pictures...in fact any picture that I was in was thrown away. Well wouldn't you know it,the elders held a meeting trying to decide what to do with me.It was decided for me that I would go live with the service overseer and his wife. I didn't speak to my parents for almost a year. For the first month they didn't even know where I was. They tried desperatly to find me...even calling my ex husbands house...and they wouldn't tell them where I was. I see now being a mother just how cruel I was to my parents.But I was suffering for the sake of the good news. Jehovah would reward me..LOL

To make a long story short. We married in 91 and I had my son in 92. I was able to patch things up with my parents. My dad even walked me down the isle. A memory I charish with all my heart. As Dad passed away in early 93. I miss him and I always feel a twinge of guilt that he never saw me make my way out.Also for the fact that I was never able to apologize to him for all the hurt and grief I caused him.

I had my daughter in 95. I wasn't as thrilled with my life..but I pressed on. Knowing I was doing what was right for my children.Eventhough I endured emmotional and mental abuse from my first husband that totally destroyed my self-confidence. (I was raised with strong women...something I had to abondon in order to "fit the mold" Finally in 98 my sister came to live with us for awhile. I was able to open up to her and let her know how I was feeling.She told me something that I hadn't heard in years...God Is Love ..He would never want me to put up with the emmotional and mental abuse I had been taking for years. I lacked the guts to do anything until I ran into an old friend. As I wasn't doing anything with the truth I was happy for the friendship. It was like we picked up where we left off. I still didn't share with her what I had been doing with my life for the last 10 years.To me it was like a dirty secret.My new friend and I spoke everyday...we became more like sisters. Until one day I found out that my ex husband and she were having an affair. I can thank her for it now...but then it was a huge betrayal. I have never spoken to her again.

It was the best and worst thing to happen to me...I left..finally free.

I'm remarried now with a wonderful husband.One that accepts me just as I am. I have a relationship with the Lord.And no longer do I have to carry the guilt and shame.

My ex is remarried..his new wife was actually a friend of mine back in the Hova days. She left her husband around the same time we broke up and was actually glad to hear that we weren't getting back together...I wish them well...:)

I'm thankful that I found this website..finally after almost 4 years. I wish I would have found it sooner. There is something theraputic about putting this all out there.Just to know that I'm not alone...

Thanks JAM

btw...I'm sorry I went on and on...but once I started I just couldn't help myself

unclebruce

thanx for sharing JAM,

"I'm remarried now with a wonderful husband.One that accepts me just as I am"

now that's worth bottling! (To accept ourselves and others just the way we are has to be one of the keys to happiness or something and if you've managed to find that you're one lucky lady)

all the best, unclebruce.

Shakita

MsJam: Welcome to the board and thanks for sharing your story. These stories have become all too familiar among the JW's. Isn't it a joke for them to say that a spiritual paradise exists among this organization? Adultery is just as common among the JW's as it is in the so called "world." I'm glad you finally got out and are now happily married. This board is therapeutic. When we talk about something that has heavily weighed upon us it alleviates alot of the pain.

Mr. Shakita

Edited by - shakita on 9 December 2002 8:24:0

Scully

Hi MsJam:

First of all, welcome to the "family"

I'm glad to hear that your situation with your ex is under control. It was so upsetting to know what he has been putting your children through during the visitations.

I'm glad too that you were able to get yourself out of the JWs and re-discover the strong woman that you were brought up to be. You're going to be a formidable opponent in the courtroom, and a great example for your children, so your ex is going to regret every bad thing he ever did to you!! LOL

I'm still baffled how he's the one who committed adultery and yet wasn't DFd for it. In fact, it sounds like his standing with the "brothers" hasn't changed at all. Shame, shame, shame on your former friends for betraying you the way they did. Mind you, they are having "their reward in full" as Jesus would say.

Again, welcome to the board, and I hope we hear more from you!

Love, Scully

deddaisy

My dad even walked me down the isle. A memory I charish with all my heart.

This really touched me. Thanks for sharing Jam !

peace, dd

jst2laws

Jam,

We are glad you found here people who understand. But sorry to hear another sad story of falling into it and the struggle to get out again.

My parents got wind...and well you can guess. They kicked me out..disowned me. They even threw away my baby pictures...in fact any picture that I was in was thrown away.

Although this is a terrible thing to have experienced it is so good that you mentioned it here. Others who have suffered similarly as JW's need to understand that this is not just a JW thing. It is religious fundamentalism. Your folks were wise enough or Christlike enough to make amends. Fundies like the JW's rarely do this.

I remember the feeling of finding this place and the support it provided. Someday perhaps you will, like many of the good people here, hang around to offer suppurt. Hope to hear more from you.

Jst2laws of the "36 years as a JW fudamentalist" class