First, thanks for the dozens of you who sent me notes of encouragement. I've tried to answer as many as I could but I was overwhelmed by your kind thoughts.
My suicidal thoughts have disappeared and have been gone for the past 2 weeks. I see my therapist again next week. He still thinks I need some stronger medication.
I'm feeling pretty normal right now with some flare ups of panic during the day.
Mental imbalances are not fun, thats for sure.
Growing up in an environment where my mental problems were simply seen as rebelliousness didn't help.
I'm trying to move onward toward not hating the JW or individual JW's or my family or friends that abandoned me.
I know that this whole scenario over the last few weeks was caused by a friend who decided he would use "tough love" on me to "shock" me out of my depression. He basically told me he wanted me out of his life until I was better. That he was tired of being around me when I felt bad. This was a friend that I has moved to inner circle friend status and so this came as quite a shock. It has hurt for a long while but the hurt seems to be dissipating. Joining the hurt from so many others that I have loved and counted on.
Oh well. Life goes on. I am teaching some of my friends to play bridge tonight and plan to get out and play tennis with another friend in a week or so. Bridge and Tennis are two of my passions. Its back to finding people who share my passions rather than sitting around and waiting for those around me to share them.
Much much thanks to all who have written. May your love come back to you tenfold when it is needed.
Hugs
Joel