TR,
ONE OF THESE DAYS, WHEN I LEARN HOW TO POST PICTURES, I'LL POST ONE.
REGARDS
JWS NOT FREE TO FALL IN LOVE
by heyfea 30 Replies latest social relationships
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zenpunk
heafea,
This is like reading part of my life's story. Actually when I was 18 I fell madly in love with a Bethelite. He got so much slack about it 'cause I wasn't "good sister" material. So, he eventually left the Farm and went home and that was that. I got in touch with him this year and met up with him. What an arrogant pr^&k! Made me happy to realize, by marrying Joe-Schmo publisher and quietly leaving the Witnesses, I had made some very good decisions in my life after all!
PS - Welcome!
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yrs2long
Welcome to the board, heafea!
There is alot of truth to what you say. Although this was unfair to both sexes, it was extremely unfair to sisters. One thing that bothered me was to see ordinary blokes who were nothing to look at marry beautiful sisters from congregations far away because they had the advantage due to the brother/sister ratio that exists in the organization.
My 21 year old beautiful pioneer friend settled for a 35 year-old pioneer elder and we all thought she'd made a good catch. In truth, he was the one who'd been lucky. I'll bet she'll never see it that way either.
I've seen the craziest pairings due to the written and unwritten policies that exist in the witness arena. When I was but 20, my dad tried to marry me off to an older brother in our hall. The guy had to be at least 40 years old and he lacked social skills. Still, he had alot of money and because he frequently lent to the friends he was considered a good 'catch'. I declined and sought my fortune elsewhere. In retrospect, I probably should've married the old guy rather than the hothead I eventually did marry. But I thought the young one was a spiritual man who spent all of his free time in field service. And he continued to do so--beating me early enough in the morning or late the night before so he could still have time to rise early and go out in service.
I think the ones who have it the worst though, are those who are divorced but not scripturally free to marry. MIght as well have leprosy because no one will look at ya and in my case at least, very few want to associate with you either. I was in this living hell/limbo for almost 5 years while I waited for evidence of infidelity. What a freaking waste of precious years in which I turned away nice 'worldly' men even though no jw man would consider me in my state.
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SpiceItUp
Ahhhhhh.......
LOVE
that most wonderful feeling that you honestly really aren't aware you are without until you have it.
Speaking from someone who was raised to feel guilt and fear over anything that makes life worth living I have to say that I am incredibly glad that I was able to shake the chains that I felt very heavy and to learn and grow and change.
Love is very difficult as a JW. First is you have problems with having unconditional friends which most likely would run into lack of unconditional love.
To love someone you have appreciate the flaws as well as the perks. You have to take all things into consideration. Dubs are not brought up with this thinking. They are brought up with you are only as good as your meeting attendance or your service hours etc. I feel bad for them because many that think they got married to a "spiritually strong" brother or sister are never going to know the unboundless glory of thouroughly and competely giving and receiving of oneself to another. They will never know what its like to give 110% and receive it back completely to full circle. You really only get out of things (including love) what oyu put in them. If you marry for anything less than love then you have indeed been fooled in the most emotionally stricken way.
Forgive me if I ramble on a bit but for the first time in my life I completely realize what it is to love someone so much that you would indeed die without them. I have utterly fallen for the most wonderful man in the world and had to share it. It really is finding that part that compliments you soo greatly that you find it literally impossible to have ever survived without it. I really do think that love doesnt just make the world go round but in fact actually stops time altogether.
I wish all to experience (or continue experiencing) the most enrapturing feeling of them all.
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ESTEE
When the gossip spread around my congregation that I had divorced my alcoholic cheating pig husband, any . . . and I mean ANY . . . eligible brother would not even DARE to make eye contact with me! Lest someone might see them looking at me and get ideas about us. Or - - - worse yet - - - lest they have a desire . . . . wooooooooooooo!!!! And the elders were watching suspiciously. I know it sounds ludicrous . . . it was that obvious and noticeable by some. I heard through the grapevine that some of the brothers were justifying that my husband cheated on me. Maybe it was their perceptions based on their own desires of cheating on their wives. Just some speculating on my part . . . just fer fun!!!!! <LMAO>
Sis,
ESTEE
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Robdar
Hi (((((Spice)))))
Welcome back to the forum. We've missed you. I appreciated reading your remarks on love. I am a bit older and more jaded than you but it is sweet to see you post thoughts that I had at one time. I wish you and your new love all the happiness that you can stand and then some.
Love ya,
Robyn
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Raisputin
I just want to add to this thread an experience that I am in the midst of....
1) My wife and I of 9.5 years recently split up.
2) I met a woman that is really wonderful, who is also divorced
3) I found out that she was a Jehova's Witness and almost broke things off
4) I realized that her 'faith', her 'denomination' her belief in God that is not the same as mine (I am sometimes atheist, sometimes agnostic, sometimes a believer, mostly agnostic leaning towards atheism) really didn't matter to me in the big scheme of things,Now, as of last evening I find out that she no longer wants to be involved because our involvement goes against her beliefs, it goes against the Jehova's WItnesses. I am absolutely devastated by this, because I do care for this woman, and she cares about me as well, or at least it seemed that way...we were almost never apart unless she was at work. I won't say that I had found 'love' again, but I had found what might grow into love...I don't believe in love at first sight anymore.
We would go to dinner, go to rent movies, go to the Bar, make love, whatever, sometimes just hold each other, but there was definitely the 'physical' aspect to our relationship as well. I still want her in my life, but now I feel that "Jehova's Organization" will prevent us from being together as God intended, meaning that two people meet, they fall for each other, and whatever happens happens, which is how it had been, until the last few days when suddenly all that changed...
Her JW brother I think has gotten into her head again, and told her that seeing me is not proper as (in her words) I am a part of the world, a wordly person and she is not supposed to be a part of the world...
Anyone have any ideas on what I can do here??? I am losing a fantastic woman thanks to the WBTS and I am (obviously) none to happy about it...
I AM
-Rais (The Darkness and The Light) -
jgnat
Rasputin, you loved and lost. Here is an interesting article Englishman found:
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Raisputin
Thanks for the link, it was quite interesting reading...too bad for me that she will barely talk to me now even though as we spoke this evening the hurt was apparent in her voice and then she would turn it into anger...*sigh*
Oh well, I wish her Happiness and Prosperity (Yeha-Noha) and perhaps our paths will cross again, as if indeed there is a "God" then we were obviously put together for some reason that I do not think we were as of yet alloed to find out...
-Rais
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SYN
Just another quaint example of the JW Class system in action. Wonderful. Welcome to the site!