Double life....

by kelsey007 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Shakita

  Kelsey:

  I really don't get the big deal over making everything official with the JW's. If you want to officially da, fine. It works for you and your situation. But, I don't think that others who decide to handle leaving the org. by leaving quietly should be made to feel guilty for fading. Isn't this one of the reasons for leaving to begin with, GUILT?!

  I do not live in fear. I live in hope. Hope that one day my other family members will be open to hearing some of what I have learned in the past 10 months. How is that possible if I choose to da myself and cut off all communication with my loved ones?

  I think that you are really off base when you say that the driftaways are not honestly dealing with the decision of leaving the org. Remember, there are a lot of lurkers here who are in different levels of "realization." You really need to have more empathy for all the others in different situations than yours.

  Mrs. Shakita
• 

  roybatty

  Isnt a person much happier and healthier when they stand up and speak honestly about their feelings on such a matter?

  I agree that everyone who has left the JWs goes through a "double life" period. Whether it lasts one day or one decade varies from person to person. What help me to finally stand up and say "enough is enough" was the fact that I didn't want me kids mixed up in such an awful religion. I never wanted them to live in fear and be controlled by a group of men. All of us want a better life for our kids, right?
• 

  freedom96

  My personal reasons for fading away have been discussed before, even yesterday with Kelsey.

  I know for some, it is a healing process for those who must DA themselves, or for others, allow themselves to get DF'd.

  A possible viewpoint however, could be this: If we allow ourselves to be DF'd, or we go and DA ourselves, is that not answering up to the WTS? If we truly are not allowing them to control us, then why should we feel obligated to answer up to them, and put a label on us? To me, that is certainly acting as though they (the WTS) do have the power.

  I have chosen for the time being to work the system. I take whatever steps I need to take in order to continue my relationship with my minor son, and a couple of friends still in. That being said, I will allow no elder to dictate to me what my actions should be. They have not contacted me, and quite frankly, don't think they will take the time to do so.

  Reading posts on this site helps give me the upper hand. I am able to know what is going on in the halls without going, and also know the complete BS that is going on within the organization.
• 

  IslandWoman

  Hi Kelsey,

  How will mom react?

  Will my sister disown me?

  The JW religion strongly "encouraged" us to limit our association with our "worldly" relatives to the bare minimum. All the normal times of the year when families get together: Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, Birthdays, and other holiday's were forbidden and caused not a little strain on family ties. I know for myself, living in a divided household was hell. My relationship with my unbelieving father was always strained because he and I while living in the same house, lived in two different worlds.

  No Father's day cards, no Birthday cards, no Christmas gatherings etc. all the important times which for him meant "family" became history when we reached adulthood. We, on the other hand were practically forbidden to even mention the Bible in his presence.

  When I finally awoke from the JWs he had already been dead for some time, too late for me to make amends, too late for me to give him that Father's day card that would have meant so much to him! He and I lost a lot because of the JW religion not just because of the missed holidays and such but because a divide had been created in our hearts and minds; for me he was in the "world", for him I was a religious nut. The truth was that we were were a father and daughter who loved each other but were divided by the JW religion.

  So my siblings and I for the sake of loyalty to God (as we were taught) lost our father when we became JWs, and now again "for the sake of loyalty to God" we risk losing our mother when we leave the JWs. In addition there are adult children in the family who would be forced to shun their parents if my siblings should disassociate themselves, the loss of children is just too much for them so they are attempting to quietly drift away in order to keep their relationship with their grown children and future grandchildren.

  It is love that motivates them to remain quiet and drift away, love for their children. Some of us take the route of disassociation and it does feel good to stand up and leave in the open but in the war with the Watchtower not all of us can afford such a luxury so it's up to every individual to carefully decide what the cost is and if he or she can afford to pay it. Just my opinion on this.

  Thanks for the topic! I hope all is good with you.

  IW
• 

  kelsey007

  Hey IW! Thanks to all for your post... And IW thanks for asking- all is well- just being lazy and thought I would see what I could get stirred up here at simons- LOL
• 

  RevMalk

  kelsey007

  I agree 100% with the Franz shot on silentlambs. I fought that tooth and nail, and now that the lambsroar forums are no longer tied to silentlambs, that was the FIRST thing to come down.