Windoze

by Farkel 10 Replies latest social humour

• 

  Farkel

  This was sent to me and I think it's a riot! For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way
  computers have enhanced our lives, read on. At a recent computer expo (COMDEX),
  Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and
  stated, "If GM had kept up with the technology like the computer industry has,
  we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon."
  
  In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:
  If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with
  the following characteristics:
  
  1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.
  
  2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a
  new car.
  
  3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would
  have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off
  the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some
  reason you would simply accept this.
  
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car
  to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall
  the engine.
  
  5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five
  times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent
  of the roads.
  
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be by a
  single "This Car Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
  
  7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
  
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and
  refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the
  key and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.
  
  9. Every time a new car was introduced car buyers would have to learn how to
  drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same
  manner as the old car.
  
  10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off. Farkel
• 

  Quotes

  I enjoyed this joke the first time I read it.. in 1994.
• 

  Lassie

  Guess that would mean we could get upgrades on our GM cars (Fords not included)? Because you know sooner or later Mr. Microsoft will have something to do with the OS of Cars and SUVS if he has his way....(that guy scares me).
• 

  onacruse

  Maybe try this (substitutions listed at end): 1. For no reason whatsoever, your theology would crash twice a year. 2. Every time they replaced the lights [of] the truth, you would have to buy a
  new theology.
  
  3. Occasionally your theology would die [from] the truth for no reason. You would
  have to pull over to the side of the truth, close all of the publications, shut off
  the theology, restart it, and reopen the publications before you could continue. For some
  reason you would simply accept this.
  
  4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your theology
  to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall
  the programming.
  
  5. WTS would make a theology that was powered by the incredible, was unreliable, five
  times as fast and twice as easy to drive -- but would run on only five percent
  of the truth.
  
  6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be by a
  single "This Theology Has Performed An Illegal Operation" warning light.
  
  7. The conscience system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.
  
  8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your theology would lock you out and
  refuse to let you in until you simultaneously got educated, turned the
  key and grabbed hold of reality.
  
  9. Every time a new theology was introduced theology buyers would have to learn how to
  drive all over again, because none of the controls would operate in the same
  manner as the old theology.
  
  10. You'd have to press the "Mind" button to turn the programming off. car=theology repainted=replaced lines=light road, freeway=truth windows=publications engine=programming start=mind airbag=conscience Macintosh=WTS sun=incredible relibale=unreliable lifted the door handle=got educated the radio antenna=reality I've no doubt others can improve on my poor attempt at parody. Craig

  Edited by - onacruse on 13 December 2002 2:48:34
• 

  Lassie

  onacruse,
  being a MAC user I dont know if I like the WTS analogy (or comparison). Because MACs don't seem to get the viruses that PC's do (or as many)and I find a MAC has a whole lot more reliability (it is honest with it's operating system) compared to the PC (windows OS) where there is a continual
  "critical updates" everytime you turn around. FWIW (for what it's worth)...and probably not much! Interesting thoughts though.
• 

  onacruse

  lassie, no offense to Macs intended! Personally, I think Bill Gates is the antichrist. LOL

  Craig
• 

  Lassie

  LOL!
  no offense taken and I agree about mr. gates! Like I said, that guy scares me (especially since his charity of choice is the AIDs foundation (or something like that) which isn't a bad thing but it makes me wonder about him...like maybe he got one of his viruses! (disclaimer: I have a wierd sense of humor and nothing I post is meant to offend or validate... all thoughts are random)
• 

  SpannerintheWorks

  Farkel and Onacruse, you should start you own website!

  Spanner
• 

  Double Edge

  very funny.....really like this.
• 

  waiting

  lol -------- in 1994, I didn't use a computer for anything but accounting & sign making. No wonder I didn't have much curiousity about anything further.

  The "and we would accept that" is the truest ol' jw way though. Whatever they tell us, well, that was the way it was...."and we would accept that."

  Of course, with computers - that's true. We accept that. My husband will come in after a sleepness night at his sign computer explaining......

  him " 'puter crashed 4 times."

  me "Whadja you do?"

  him "Got it up and running 5 times."

  Then he crashes.

  waiting