One thing I found effective to recover from shunning by the JWs, which devastated me, was this truth. People tend to move in "tribes." I had been in a rather exotic and weird tribe, the Watchtower and Jehovah's Witnesses. I was leaving them and they wanted nothing to do with me. Now I needed to find a new tribe or tribes. Either that or become a hermit.
Wow, so much to sample from outside of the walls of Watchtower Prison. It was overwhelming. How do I act? What do I say? What is it like developing close friends outside of Jehovah's Witnesses?
Well, I didn't know the answer to any of these questions. I was such a strict little JW that I never allowed myself to form friendships outside of the Organization. Excellent work by the Watchtower installing paranoia about that.... and so many other things.
There was the office tribe. That was kind of nice. Wow, people sure live different lives from me. I felt like a foreigner, and to some degree I still do after quite some time. Still I pushed myself and made new friends.
One tribe I liked because of familiarity was the church tribe. Here were people who were religious without being cultish. They reminded me a lot of where I had been. They were different in one notable way: They enjoyed going to church, their services were upbeat and lively, very positive, and the music was great. You would leave there uplifted. It wasn't the chore the JWs made it. I met some of the nicest, intelligent and giving people there. Despite the fact I didn't belief half the stuff this tribe believed, I was drawn to it by the spirit of the people there. And they had organized single groups where I met friendly people.
Of course, there's the ex JW tribe. Man, I like these people. It's like going to a bar where everybody knows your name. No long explanations needed, no puzzled looks, and everybody pretty much knows and understands you. There are two groups in my area: The party ex JWs that mostly are agnostic or atheistic in their beliefs. A much smaller group are what I call the Born-Againers, the Ex JWs who have moved on to mainstream Christianity. They had a little Christmas party last Saturday and we had a great time visiting with each other. The Ex JWs is my favorite tribe, whether agnostic or Christian or whatever.
I tried the nightclub tribe, but I can't frigg'n hear anything in those places, much less be heard. Plus, those who have seen my salsa dancing know that exhibiting my "moves" is better left to mystery.
This year I'm trying the singles group club tribe. I found a club with a couple of hundred members that get together to do ANYTHING: Kyaking, movies, dinner, concerts, museums, hiking. I went to one of their meet and greet things at a club in Fort Worth and met some nice people. Hopefully this will springboard into friendships and ...who knows, maybe the next Mrs. MegaDude.
Force yourself to get out there. It wasn't easy for me. I still feel like a foreigner in a strange land many times. But I have found it ultimately rewarding.
Good luck.
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