What is up w/my mom?

by flower 15 Replies latest jw experiences

• 

  SixofNine

  I agree that for one reason or the other, your mother is experiencing inner turmoil. Since that (inner turmoil) is what gets just about all of us out of the WT society, even the extremely logical of us, I'd just let it lie (pun intended).

  Another reason she might be doing this, slightly less hypocritical (or at least justified in her mind)? Perhaps she is thinking that your son will be getting gifts at this time of year no matter what she does, and therefore she wants to make sure that she, as his grandma, does not fade in importance in your sons mind, comparitive to the others who will be giving him gifts.

  Plus, being his birthday and all, she's already thinking of him
• 

  animal

  Last nite at supper, my 12 yr old asked if gramma is still a JW. I said yep, thats why we wont hear from her. She then asked if we have to send her a card anyhow. My wife said no, and I agreed. From there, the conversation went over to how my kids hoped that we didnt hate them if they make a decision we dont agree with... like gramma did. Well, my wife took over at that point and laid it on the line. Nothing they do, religious or otherwise, would make her ignore them. Ever. Nothing. Period. My youngest said cool and went on eating. My oldest thinks its all BS, the religion/shunning thing, so we went on about that. They are now fully aware of how it works and why I am what I am.

  So, flower, you have about 10 years before you will get grilled by your son. Be up front without badmouthing her/them, and the kids will get it. The sad thing is, they dont miss gramma. They just see her as some mean old lady. Funny, thats how I see her too.

  Animal
• 

  GentlyFeral

  Flower,

  it makes me so angry when I think of all the years we suffered emotionally around the holidays with so much guilt for wanting to participate and all the severe depression some of us had to get through because of thinking HE hated us for having a piece of birthday cake at school or humming a christmas tune that was just too catchy to get out of my head. Every year I wished I was dead rather than face another holiday season.

  Aha, now the real issue comes out! This is good and honest, and THIS is what you should tell your mother. Maybe you can cry together, and maybe then you can both enjoy her grandma-time with your son.

  As my boss says, "When people know better, they do better." Your mama knows a little better now than when you were kids. Maybe she can learn some more, if you are both gentle and honest.

  GentlyFeral
• 

  NewLight2

  I've heard that many JW's have a "Family Day" around this time of the year. They have a big dinner and give presents too. But it is not Christmas to them.

  NewLight2
• 

  Robdar

  Flower,

  It sounds as if your mother is torn between her loyalty to her religion and her love for you and her grandson. Who knows? Maybe one day she will fine the courage to get out of her captivity.

  Love,

  Robyn
• 

  chezza

  When i was a dub we used to have what we called gift giving day in our house, we would buy presents and wrap them up, we usually chose to do this on an anniversary, because we felt bad that our kids were missing out on the fun of unwrapping gifts, i remember as a witness child how i felt left out when the other kids in the street were bragging about their xmas gifts, and how we would have it drummed into us that our parents loved us all year round and thats why we got things through the year and not just on special times, looking back now i feel so guilty that my children missed out on the small excitements that kids have to look forward such as xmas and birthdays.