Revenge, should I or shouldn't I.............

Delite2k

Hey everyone, I haven't been here in a while, but I thought i'd drop by say hello and ask a silly question. I still think about my ex (a JW) still, but i'm also angry with him for hurting me emotionaly and somewhat spiritualy. (you can read my old post under this name to get an idea of what i talked about before) I feel like I want to get him back for the way he's made me feel. Sometimes I think about finding out which KH he goes to and showing up there and ratting him out to someone in the congregation or something (with the things we've done, I know they'll be interested to know more). I just want to let him know that I don't appreciate the hurt I still feel to this day. I've already tried talkin to him to clear the air and i've also said we should have a bible study to "talk" about things that happened between us. I also have a couple of copies of AWAKE! that had some scriptures in there talking about being there for someone when they're down or goodness of brotherhood and stuff and I quoted them to him asking him to explain to me that if the WT is teaching that then why is he treating me like crap. I sent that in an e-mail, but of course no response. So my question is am I wrong for wanting to go to the KH and blab? if not how can I find out which KH he goes to? Do I just call........'Hi i was calling to find out if Bro. so and so goes here'.........or what? Oh and one last thing, I was very close to telling his parents about us (even though we're not together), because he has some belongings of mine............is that mean, to tell his parents?

Robdar

Delite,

Whereas I can't tell you what to do, it has been my experience that revenge is better left alone. It never feels as good as you think it will and you might even hate yourself for giving in to it. I always find that living well and having fun are the best revenge.

Let us know what you decide to do.

Love,

Robyn

Skeptically Yours

Delite2k,

Do not seek revenge, for you'll just want more and more of it throughout life all the time. This revenge thing can be a never ending state of mind for some people, and it can reach sickening levels!

Seek counseling, therapy, a sounding board type-person, if you will, and talk out your feelings as much as you have to so you can finally let him go and move forward to your next relationship.

God only knows how broken I was with my first boyfriend, and a few years later with my first husband. I did all my crying, all my grieving about what 'could've been', allowed time for my heart to heal and my life to recover normalcy, you know, to be happy with myself again; then... found a deserving person once again and now it's just great.

Get out of that relationship rut and do not give up on being happy in the future.

Take care!

jurs

Hi Delite,

I agree with Robdar. I really don't think it will make you feel any better. Find and focus your attentions on a good man

jurs

COMF

Somebody said, "The best revenge is to live a good life." Maybe not always, but in this case I think it fits. As long as you're thinking about and acting because of things that guy did, he still has control in your life. Time to boot him out of your head and get on with living for yourself.

Beck_Melbourne

What will you gain if you seek revenge? I know that there is a part of us, especially when we've been hurt, to want to lash out and inflict some hurt back on the person that did it to us. There is nothing to be gained from doing this...other then gratification. If you need this feeling of gratification to be happy, then your happiness in life will be temporary.

I wish you well with whatever you decide to do. All the best.

~Beck~

Delite2k

Thats the problem, I've tried to get him out of my head, but I can't. Dating dosen't help, talking to other men don't and trying to stay busy don't either. I'm know revenge is wrong but I hurt so badly. I just wonder, if he suppose to be living by God's rules and an all into the bible, then why is he doing the opposite of what God wants us to do. To be honest all I want is for him to listen to me, talk things through so I can have closure and my stuff back. I do still want to go to the KH, to sit in the background and listen to what JW are being taught, cause it seems that they decieve people and lie. (i've dealt with other JWs at my old job) Anyway, thanks to those who responded. I know I can get the idea of revenge out my head, but the nice guy I once knew, that'll be hard.

Mimilly

Wow! How I fantasize about getting even with my husband. But it has to stay in fantasy land. Revenge only sounds sweet on this side of the fence. After taking your revenge, it won't feel any better. It won't make the anger go, won't make the pain subside. You stand the chance of feeling worse - and all because of him.

Allow yourself to be angry - get a punching bag and pretend it's him. While you kick the crap out of it - scream everything you'd ever wanted to tell him.

Another idea is to turn the negative feelings around. "Ok, I'm pissed, angry to the core, but I will not sink to his level. I will not give him that kind of power over me to turn me into the kind of person I would not want to be" That way, you are giving yourself permission to be angry, which is human, but taking the power away from him in how you deal with it.

I write in a journal, draw pictures of my feelings, write poetry or blast angry music. Anger is energy and must be used or it builds. (you know - the passive aggressive thing where it will build up and then the tiniest thing will make us do something we'll regret)

Express yourself as often as possible. Often, we need an ear to vent to, and we're definitely here for you. But draw a line on the revenge thing. It is the grass is greener on the other side sort of thing - and we all know it isn't. Leave it as a fantasy.

I also like using the Serenity Prayer - God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change (you can't change him) - The courage to change the things I can (you can change how you handle things) - and the wisdom to know the difference. (foresight instead of hindsight about our actions)

Been there, and still am there at times. Hope this helps.

hugs, Mimilly

Windchaser

I think I can really understand where you're coming from. I loved my second husband, but we just couldn't live with each other. After our divorce, we remained good friends. One day he told me that I was going to lose him. He had met a sister. He told me that she laughed at his jokes like I did. He then asked me to marry him again (it would have been the third go-round) and, as much as I cared for him, I said no. Within two weeks they were off to Vegas to get married. He never spoke to me again, except to pick up some things he had left at my place. His new wife made me take this stuff over to a neighbor's house, because he wasn't allowed to be around me.

The thing is that we never had spiritual grounds for divorce. I never cheated on him and he was the one who divorced me. This happened when we were both df'd, but we were both reinstated shortly after the divorce at different halls. The sister he married is a pioneer and a sweet woman from all accounts. Within a year after they married, he was making signigicant progress in their congregation. I couldn't help but think of the unfairness of it all. It was messed up. He was about to become a ministerial servant even though he was never free to marry someone else. I wanted to tell on him. What right did he have to do this?

But something happened to him, I don't know what. Shortly after I heard how great they were doing, I found out that he had written a letter of disassociation to his congregation and was treating his wife and child badly.

I believe in Karma. What goes around, comes around.

It is such a rush to want to get back at someone. But, I've learned that it's truly better to back off and let things take their course. It's not that I wish evil on people. I just know that in the long run things will be made right.

Hang in there, k?

Delite2k

Yeah, I do believe in what goes around does come back aorund to get you. And I know that god will deal with him in his own way. I just feel like i've been decieved by someone who I trusted and I figured, he reads the bible and believes in God, so he's a good man (although I didn't know much about the JW's at the time). But I still wonder, how can someone be so heartless and not feel bad about how he's treated me? Thank you for understanding.

Revenge, should I or shouldn't I.............

Share this