Let me start by saying that I respect all the opinions and experience posted in this thread. I'll follow up by saying that Sweet Vampire and I started out as a "casual fling." He was supposed to be leaving the country for 5 years in only 2 weeks. I had ended my terrible and near-sexless marriage 6 months before. I had met Vampire while married and felt like I was struck by lightning when I first laid eyes on him. As a married, good JW I had ignored my reaction and avoided the lad ever since.
I ran into him at an X-mas party. He got my phone number from someone and called me. We kept making plans to hang out but it kept not happening. Oh well. Then, 3 months past xmas, we made plans to watch a movie together and nothing happened to derail the plans! The chemistry was intense, and I did something very naughty... I had a one night stand. Very out of character for me, but there it is. He called a few days later shocking the heck out of me... I felt I was no prize at all... and I was 7 years older than he, and had kids... and lots of other stuff he couldn't have cared less about. We decided to carry on getting to know each other for his last two weeks in the U.S. Delays turned it into 2 months and we fell hopelessly in love with each other.
His ticket was bought, his plans were made, his brother was waiting for him overseas... he went. We were both absolute wrecks. We can't figure out how we did it... He drove away, got on a plane and flew away. I managed not to say the unfair words, the words I wanted most to say; "Please, don't go." He called 27 hours later in tears and told me that flying 13,000 miles away had made him realize that he loved me completely. He asked to live with me whenever he would return home. Of course I said yes, I would have given him my eyes if he'd asked, or my liver or all of my blood... no question. He lasted about 2 months before he couldn't stand it anymore. He came home and moved in.
We had our problems early on. It was a tremendous adjustment for a 22 year old male with no kid experience to take on being a step-dad. My older son made things very difficult just by being himself, poor kid. There were all sorts of problems back then. One of the things that helped the most to make it easier for my Vampire to stay was the fact that he could leave at any time. He said later, looking back on all the difficulties, that when things were really bad (my son out of control, driving us crazy, me stressed and not very attentive to Vampire, him stessed and grumpy as a grizzly bear...) sometimes he would ask himself what the heck was he doing? Why was he putting up with all the hassle when he could easily find a younger, childless woman to be with? It always came back to the fact that he loved me and he wanted to be with me. He said if he'd felt any sort of obligation to be there he thinks he would have left.I knew what he meant because of my disastrous marriage. I'd beaten myself near to death with the bat of commitment, and I grew to resent the living heck out of it. So I think our extended 'trial period' really clarified for us just how very much we wanted a commitment. In our case, it worked out splendidly.
I am not knocking commitment, hey, we just got married after all, but I'm glad we didn't try to commit too early. If that makes sense to folks. We were always very clear that were exclusive and that we would be totally honest about our feelings, like if they started to change. We lived in my apartment, my lease only. If things didn't work he would stay at his mom's till he got a new place. As a mom with two kids I was securely settled. Within maybe 6 months we had outlasted the worst of it. After a year we both knew we would be together come what may. It took him another year to get the guts up to ask me to marry him. It took me another 3 years to obtain my divorce from the JW ex. We married 2 months after the divorce was final.
Our marriage is just starting, but we already know we can make it through just about anything. We've been beside each other through the death of one of my dearest friends, his last living grandparent, my last living great-grandparent, the birth of our son, major illnesses for both of us and the kids, moves, temporary poverty, crazy drug problems and mental health issues of family members etc, etc.
Wow. This is REALLY long!!! I thought I was being brief! Sorry everyone!
~Witch, of the loooong-winded class!
