The truth about the first year of marriage

by meadow77 14 Replies latest jw friends

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  meadow77

  The guests have gone home. You've opened all the gifts. Now what? What surprised you the most about your first year of marriage?

  This was a question asked on Oprahs website after a show revealing the truth about year one for marriage. It seems that everyone is expected to have a great first year where you can hardly take your eyes off of eachother. But more and more people are admitting that the first year was the hardest and most trying. One of Oprahs guest said that the first day of your marriage doesn't truly start until you look at the peerson you've married and think that you've made a hoorible mistake. What do you married folks think. What was your first year like, and do you think we have bought into an unachievable myth about what it's supposed to be like?
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  happyout

  My first year of marriage was ok, but I certainly realized some truths about my husband. We were together three years before we got married, and all that time he espoused thoughts about men sharing in household chores if the woman also had a full time job. Well, it was certainly a good thought, but actions told an entirely different story. He rarely does housework or cooking, and then only if I really ask him to. He works weekends, which means he has two days during the week at home alone (our son is at daycare) where he could vacuum, do dishes, etc. Instead, he chooses to work on music and watch TV dating shows. I am not the type of person who likes to argue, so I don't bring it up very often, but it really pisses me off to come home from work and find the house not clean, and no dinner being made when he's been home all day. He is a really nice person, but he thinks normal rules don't apply to him, and that sharing in keeping the house clean is no big deal. We've been through some tough things together, including the death of our first born daughter, so it's really hard to picture leaving him, but honestly, I sometimes really want to. I think marriages would be happier if the spouses didn't live together.
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  Simon

  I think you only really get to know your partner properly after a year of marriage. After a yeat with someone, you really know the real them (and they know the real you!).

  After that, it's all downhill
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  outoftheorg

  Well I see it this way.

  UH I think I'll wait till I see what happens to Simon before I get into this one.

  Outoftheorg Of the careful now, class .
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  SpannerintheWorks

  Simon,

  After a yeat with someone

  You dirty bugger!

  What is Angharad going to think? (Hope I got that right; never know where to put those pesky "g's" and "h's"!)

  *BTW...what's it like...?*

  Spanner

  Edited by - SpannerintheWorks on 23 December 2002 14:32:26
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  zenpunk

  The first year is the hardest, especially if you're a JW and have to keep up with field service etc., The first year was very rough since my husband is from England and got really depressed once the "vacation in the states" was over. We both left the borg between our 2nd and 3rd year of marriage. Then life got a whole lot better for us once our relatives stopped berating us and just chose to shun us instead. Then, at the 7th year it gets rough again (the seven year itch is not a joke!), but, if you survive, by year 8 everything is even better than before. We've been married 9 years now.
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  Simon

  what's a yeat?

  It was a typo ... should have been "Year"
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  animal

  Our first year we dated 1600 miles apart.... I was in the army. We were engaged on the phone, both of us drunk. Our first year together was in the army, in Hawaii. I worked all the time, she didnt.... not many issues.

  After getting out of the army, I became a contractor/consultant, traveling to and from my jobs all over the place. Between that and the motorcycle trips, I wasnt home much.

  Now, 20 years later, I commute to work 400 miles away. I come home weekends and we enjoy it.

  It works for us, cuz we never did shadow each other and love our own space.

  Animal
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  target

  We were married in 1966. Thirty days after the wedding, my husband got his draft notice. After basic training, it was right to Viet Nam. We were 18 and 19 years old. Now just try to get to know each other when you are on opposite sides of the world. Later he was sent to Germany. It was a very rough time for us. We are now married 36 years. I really wonder how we made it those first few years.

  Millie
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  Carmel

  Congratulations Millie.

  My wife and I just celebrated our 39th on the 21st. The first year of our marriage was spectacular and will never be forgotten. Not that we didn't have our tests, but because we decided to be really frank AND loving, we were able to adjust to each other's foibles with little difficulty. The real stressor came with children being born before I finished my bachelor's degree. School became much more of a "distraction" with ankle biters around...

  Wicked 7th year almost ended the relationship but fate, luck and a little extra perserverance got us through it. Geesh that was 32 years ago!

  carmel