Can You Really Become Inactive Instead of DA'ing and Keep Your Family

by truth-or-consequences 37 Replies latest watchtower beliefs

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  DesirousOfChange

  WitnessMyFury: I am 5 years out in my fade and yes i have my family, but all my JW "friends" dropped me. BUT, here's the but, if i do anything not approved by watchtower even now i can be disfellowshipped still and then lose my family.

  Steve2: They change the way they treat you, but don't call it shunning - but that's exsctly what it is.

  That has been our experience too. Some of the more "devout" family have cooled their contact with us too, but we are not shunned. I think it helps immensely that they feel that we were "wronged" by our local BOE in how they dealed with our situation.

  We're "waiting on Jehovah".

  Doc
  
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  ignored_one

  I've been shunned for the past 3 years by most of my JW family and I wasn't even baptised.
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  Introvert 2

  Been inactive since '10 on account of a major burnout and the get well soon visits have tapered off to nothing, which suits me fine. Basically people would drop in while in service and check out my messy house ( used to be real tight before the burnout ) and suspect this gives them fuel for gossip. So basically the French language bros stay away from me and I view this asa positive. I'm going to a handful of English meetings on Sundays and that is all I care or am able to do at this moment. I prefer staying home and doing personal study / research. The difference in attitude I get between French / English in these parts is huge.
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  LostGeneration

  O'brien endorsed fading as a viable option to leave. If anyone wants to leave immediately print off his testimony and hand it to the elders with a smirk on your face when they come calling.
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  Cadellin

  You can do it but it's walking a tightrope. You have to make sure you aren't caught doing anything that is a d/f offence. So, if you have Xmas decorations or are seen celebrating a birthday, you could be called to a JC. You can't join another church, vote or do anything publicly that would put you at odds with official JW teaching. It's kind of like spiritual limbo. My family has mostly kept in touch with me (I'm inactive), but one close aunt has shunned me. Ditto my JW friends. So it is not entirely true that you can just simply go inactive and everything will remain peachy-fine. You could say that what dear Terrance has said is a half-truth, or maybe a white lie or just a wee fib. Or theocratic warfare or gross exaggeration. But not "The Truth."
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  clarity

  No it was certainly not the truth! Sometimes I have a gut feeling that, wait for it ...............................................................jws like to shun!

  Really, how & when would they ever get another chance to be sooo rude, or so mean, or so righteous, or so smug, or so punishing & vindictive! It has been my experience that a perfect-in-her-own-eyes peeonneer, gleefully pointed and danced around me in a store as she started her god ordained shun!!!!!!!! She is lucky I haven't seen her since!

  Coming from that dark little jw jealous & mean place inside...................

  they LOVE IT!
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  FayeDunaway

  I did it, and still lost all my JW friends and my family hardly speaks to me. They all just went on a huge vacation filled with adventure and didn't tell me about it, found out indirectly. It hurts. But at least I don't have to go out in service :P.
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  DesirousOfChange

  O'brien endorsed fading as a viable option to leave. If anyone wants to leave immediately print off his testimony and hand it to the elders with a smirk on your face when they come calling.

  That would blow your fade.

  Fading is an attempt to "drop off of the JW radar" and not be noticed, usually by playing the stress or depression card. If you admitted that you're following the path mentioned by O'Brien, you'd be admitting that all of your "phoney" excuses are, in fact, phoney.

  They fact that one of the Bethel "heavies" testified to something like this is any "worldly" court would mean nothing in the real "JW World". Have you forgotten that THEY LIE?
  

  Doc
  
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  steve2

  Clarity you are very perceptive and wise, my friend. I too formed the view some years ago that JWs actually relish opportunities to shun because it gives them just a little bit of "pay back" control over their often hum-drum, duty-driven lives. There is nothing quite like self-produced proof that you are a true believer!

  What can be more satisfying than conveying to others who are not doing what they should your righteous disapproval and judgement? You can do it free of charge and get pats on the back as you relay to your brothers and sisters how much integrity you displayed by refusing to be swayed by mere human emotion.

  By shunning, you prove you are a worthy citizen of Jehovah's paradise on earth.
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  disillusioned 2

  My family still associate with me. They live in hope that I will return. I have just received the 'return to jehovah' booklet from my sister. They will not give up on me. My friends though are a different story. They have stopped socializing with me. Although if I saw them somewhere they would speak to me, just being friendly.