When is it not worth helping JW's out of the org?

by sleepy 14 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Scully

  I know from personal experience, and from reading about what others have posted about their own exit from the JWs, that a happy JW is not a JW who will be inclined to leave. They do not want or need our help to leave the org.

  People leave when circumstances change and shake up their tidy little belief system. When the things a person values about the organization no longer seem to be valid, that's when a person is going to start wondering "what the hell is going on here?" It could be - as it was in my case - an illness that I had no control over and the JWs' response to me and my illness - that showed them to be unloving and unsupportive when I most needed the "worldwide brotherhood" to encourage me. The thing I valued most about the org was the belief that we were all united in love, and that we displayed love toward one another and helped each other when someone was in dire straits. When that no longer proved true for me, I just couldn't go door-to-door with a clear conscience and pretend that it was still true. It was too conflicting and only added to the misery that was caused by clinical depression. When I spoke up about my observations, with a spirit of helpfulness, not criticism, I was treated even more like a pariah, and so was the rest of my family. Everything came unglued after that, because I didn't want to be around people who treated us poorly, and I started realizing that the way we were being treated was an effort to make me shut up about the problem. They were, in fact, using negative reinforcement techniques to try to control me.

  Had none of those things happened, I would still be a JW today. I had no reason or motivation to question anything about them, because I was sincerely happy with being a JW.

  Love, Scully
• 

  Francois

  I agree with AlanF and would like to add one comment to what he has said.

  Never, ever, attempt to change anybody's religion, be they JW, Hindu, Islam, whatever, unless you have something to replace it with. That's a tall order. And as Alan has said, given the use to which people put religion, the easiest thing to replace it with would be opium and who would ever do such an unloving thing.

  francois
• 

  teenyuck

  I agree with everyone. I tried with my mother and failed miserably. Now she is suspicious when I ask questions about old JWs I remember.

  I gave her CoC, she read it and at first agreed it was true. Weeks later she told me it was written by a demonized apostate who was from Satan.

  I gave up. They have full command of her brain. She is firmly in.
• 

  Mum

  Maybe a lot of us could benefit from Al-Anon. There is where I learned slogans such as "Let go and let God" and "Easy does it." When there is an alcoholic in our circle (and being deceived and led by a destructive cult is very similar), trying to control the situation by trying to talk the person out of the addiction only makes the situation worse.

  Letting go and allowing people to learn from their own experiences and mistakes will yield the best result in the long run. We can be there for them when they start to come unglued because of their beliefs not squaring with reality. They will know when they need you, and they will know whether you will be supportive.

  That's my $.02 worth.

  SandraC
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  pettygrudger

  I would have to agree w/many of the sentiments expressed here. Take my mother - 35 years a watchtower slave. As she is getting on in years, I would never want to even cause her doubts on her chosen religion or beliefs. To take that away from her would be to take away her lifeline - her opium & I couldn't bear for her to go through that pain.

  Others, it just depends. I've been working on a "letter" to send to a friend of mine that I haven't seen in 18 years - why? To let her know I still love & miss her. To tell her why I left, and why I couldn't return even if I wanted to. Its a REAL LONG letter. If she actually reads it, maybe it will open her eyes & if she does have doubts, the courage to face them head on.

  ONe thing about JW's that are still "in" - even if they did have doubts, because of the shunning practices, they have probably a great FEAR of the "other side". I did. born & raised a JW - I was terrified of "the world" and wouldn't have gone had I not been forced into it. Perhaps by letting them know its not so "nasty & scary" in the real world, perhaps they can find some courage - and know that they will still be loved should they decide to make a stand.