This is my first introduction post and my second post all together. I hid in the corner for some time, just watching. I was raised from about the age of five in the "truth". After very rebellious teens and moving out on my own at sixteen, I was baptized in my early twenties. About ten years later I was disfellowshipped because I found, to everyone's amazement and especially my own, that I could not pray to Jehovah (or the vengeful concept of God), at a meeting which I was having with the elders. It seems my heart was way ahead of my mind on this one. I'm almost fifty-two now. Many years have gone by, but I still feel the pain of losing people I love, will always love, who shun me. I still pay a price for the distorted view of God, the world, and the universe that was so deeply programmed in me. I never did quite fit into the Borg, and I may not fit in here. My first post a couple of pages into a string, was not totally welcomed. The person who started the string wanted advise as to how to inform an elderly neighbor -- who had started a study with the dubs -- as to what she was getting into. I can understand how keeping a person out of the Borg would bring a sense of satisfaction and a new notch on our pistol to be proud of. But is our motivation out of true love and compassion for others, or is it out of our own selfish satisfaction, animosity and prejudice? I stated, in the above mentioned string, that it may be best not to meddle in the elderly persons life; and that being a JW in some instances may be healthy and emotionally satisfying for some people. Especially the elderly and lonely. I was told to read more about the pain and harm that association with the JW's can inflict before I make such statements. But, you see -- I know the pain. I too have lived it. But, it does not change the fact that the Borg shoe fits and is a blessing for many. It's foolish not to admit it. I was in no way critized harshly for my post, in fact I was welcomed; but I would like to make mention of this: In the "Post by Ray Franz", here on this forum, Ray says "Watch Tower leaders view negatively any "independent thinking" and feel justified with criticizing harshly those who do not line up with them. I find it depressing that many former Witnesses who attack the Watch Tower organization, proceed to manifest a similar spirit and use similar tactics toward those who do not line up with their thinking". I basically agree, and yet I also can understand it. I think that as Witness's we were subtly programmed to hate and despise other than our own; and as ex-JW's we often carry that programming with us. I have found in myself many instances of this. The characters may have changed roles, but the play remains the same. Now, instead of "the world" being evil, it's the WBTS. Those freshly out of the Borg may indeed require a period of anger and hostility towards the Society, for they may -- in many ways -- have been violated. However, at no time in my life experience have I seen true healing happen while hatred and anger were being supported and fed. The longer you keep your hand in the fire, the more dangerous the wound becomes. We identify with and become very protective of out prejudice and hatreds (well earned or not). As I become conscious of mine and begin the sometimes slow process of shedding them, I find I am more at peace. Life is brighter. I find that evil and suffering are often carried in my pocket; and are something I can discard. If I do post here in the future, I will do my best not to feed and support the anger. Thank you for listening to my spiel. James T
Edited by - jamesthomas on 30 December 2002 15:6:57