What if you just never meet with them? Can they DA you without talking to you first?
Yes they can DA you without meeting. I know of this happening a couple of times. One young brother was pretty funny about avoiding the elders. He even jumped out a window to avoid talking to them. They did not DF him but DAed him as a result of his avoiding the meeting.
You can be DAed for the "actions" you take. No meeting required.