scully,
I just read your link. It is hard to believe. I have seen individual witnesses act that way. But the congregation as a whole should hang their heads in shame. Thanks for sharing your story.
"By their fruits you will recognize them "
Who needed Psychological help?
by JH 27 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
orangefatcat
JH You asked who need psychological help, but you never told us if you needed it. Did you?
I find there is no shame in telling if one has. Like Scully sharing her story. ((((((((Scully))))))), and to all the others who have endured some terribly difficult times in their lives and required the help of a professional. (((((((((((((Hugs and kisses to all of you))))))))))))).
I myself have spent many years seeking the help of a pschological therapist, It is a long long story. I will share a part of it with you. I have been hospitalized for it. And I have had wonderful proffesionals help me to realize that I am a good person and if family and shallow friends don't want me in their lives then its their fault not mine. And the things that they did to me was cruel and my ex- husband was abusive and used every opportunity to bad mouth me to my parents and they believed him instead of me and that is what really killed me. They didn't talk to me for years. Well who cares any more. I have the best therapy here. I have made wonderful friends here. Some of you have shared your stories and they have strengthened me. I have seen how many of you have survived and so have I and even though I have scares that still hurt, I can still get over it because of the wonderful husband I have and wonderful friends I have. Especially Diane (Big Floppy Dog) we have been best friends for many long years. I have a terrific 24yr old son, and a wonderful step daughter who calls me mom. and to this board who has kept me afloat. Asking for help is the best thing I ever did.
All my Love
Orangefatcat
-
JH
orangefatcat
Thanks for asking. No, I never went to see a psychologist. I don't feel as if a person out of the organization can understand what we all went through. I always went through tough times by myself. I get lots of relief just by being here and listening to others. My parents who never were dubs, do think that I talk about them too much. They would wish that I forget about the whole ordeal with the witnesses. Thats why I asked "Since we are here talking about this every day, do we need psychological help" My question was just to see if you think it is normal to constantly talk about what we hate. I hate the witnesses because they never showed any true love for me, when I needed their help. When I joined the org in the 80's I had a good job and I was generous with them in many ways. I must have gave over 10,000$ in money and goods to brothers in need. I NEVER GAVE MONEY TO THE ORG, BECAUSE THEY HAD MORE THAN ME. So when I lost my nice paying job in 1992, I fell on welfare, and no one in the congregation ever helped me find a job and never asked if I was allright. You see, my parents are well off financially, so they expected them to help me. But my parents never were dubs. I expected the witnesses to care about my situation. I was told that they would give their lives for a brother, if ever the situation occured. So naturally, I expected a bit of help from them. When that never came, I saw their real colors. I also saw sick brothers and sisters in hospitals, and they hardly went to see them. So now I have a burning hate for their double talk. I just like to tell everyone who they really are, whenever the occasion presents itself.
Edited by - jh on 1 January 2003 7:13:32
-
Lady Lee
After years - a life time - of abuse before and during my time as a JW I became severely depressed tot he point of being suicidal. I desperately needed to get away from my abusive husband but knew there would be no support for that.
I tried talking to a couple of the other elder's wives but both said they had never heard of such things (like sexual abuse - despite the fact that I knew one who had a sister who had been abused)
When I asked about getting help/therapy I was told point blank "Don't go but if you do never tell them you are a JW" After a long search I found a therapist who was working with abuse survivors. I worked with her for a few months but struggled with telling her about the JW connection. It seemed there were so many situations I could not explain unless I told her about the religion. I kept coming up against a wall without that disclosure. So much of why I felt trapped went back to a religion that had me convinced that I had no choice but to stay and deal with whatever my life presented to me.
I think that not every person needs therapy after leaving the borg. It might depends on a range of variables
- how long you were in
- whether you were abused while you were in
- degree of trauma suffered while "in"
- whether you have supports outside of the org when you leave
- how much you lose (family, supports) after you leave
- personal resilience - ability to deal with loss
- family history of mental illness
- etc.
For example a person who joins the JWs at 23, has no family who are JWs and leaves to resume his old life would be far less in danger of suffereing psychological problems that someone who grew up in the JW, whose entire family are JWs and finds that when they leave they have low self esteem from years of being told that what they do is not enough. Compound this with any type of abuse situation and perhaps a family history of depression this pperson would be at much greater risk.
JMO
-
Scully
I have to agree with Lee's points about the factors involved in leaving the organization and the things that make it easier or more difficult to cope with for each person.
The factor that has to be stressed above all others, IMO, is the one regarding support. One of the things I learned from my own experience with depression, and then later when I studied nursing, is that the ability to share common experiences with other people and have those people being able to relate to our own painful and sometimes traumatic events helps us to heal. I've spoken publicly and done some education about depression and in almost all the literature, having supportive networks of friends is the KEY to coping with these illnesses and the tribulations they cause.
The compassion and empathy that we share among ourselves, the knowledge that we were not isolated in our experiences, the reassurance that it was not "us" but was "them" all along are all as therapeutically valuable as any prescription medication.
One of the most horrible things about shunning - about being DFd or DAd - is that all of a sudden a person's support network is gone. The JWs are an isolationist group - that old "keep separate from the world" chestnut - so our support network outside of the organization is truly lacking, if it exists at all. That is one of the things that I think is the most damaging of all about the JWs: just when a person is at their lowest point in life, when they have been made to feel that they've sinned against God and are the most worthless piece of human scum on two legs, their lifeline - their support network - is taken away from them. All along they've been told to shun DFd or DAd people, so because they've listened to that "wisdom", they don't know anyone else who is going through what they are going through. And the people who could and SHOULD be encouraging them stare through them with eyes burning full of loathing and hatred.
It's a wonder that more DFd people don't commit suicide. I can't imagine going through something like that myself.
But now there are places like this, that didn't exist 10 short years ago. If just one person stumbles across this site and gets supported through the painful transition that being DFd causes them, then it has served a truly valuable and meaningful purpose.
This is a wonderful place, and as long as I am able to, I will be here to support its continued existence, because there will always be people like me who are going through the crap that the JWs cause them. I want them to know it will be OK.
Love, Scully
-
Lady Lee
Scully I have to totally agree on the support thing. If you have family that were never JWs then you hopefully will find them welcoming and supportive. if you haven't been in long then you may be able to reconnect with old friends - again re-establishing a support network fairly quickly. Even those who were not that "strong" and had outside friendships may do better because there are people to connect with.
When I left there was only one non-JW person that I could talk to. My family totally shunned me. I felt like God had abandoned me. I know that every person I thougth was a friend now crossed the street to avoid me.
One thing that I found difficult was that when they DFed me they told me not to talk to other JWs. Well OK I understood they wouldn't want me talking to them but I soon confronted another problem. While I was "in" I knew who the people were who had previously been DFed. But now that I was out I didn't know if they had gone back or were still out. So when I ran into them I continued to aviod them (although I wouldn't do that now). How silly is that. We were both DFed. And following the JW rule not to talk to - not only active JWs but to DFed JWs. So we couldn't even develop supports with others who were in the same situation as us.
They really did a good job on shutting us off from anyone that might be able to understand.
Now with the net we can meet others who have left - in freedom and as much anonimity as we want. We build our own supports.
-
SheilaM
I don't feel as if a person out of the organization can understand what we all went through
I have found it frustrating to go to someone that has no clue about the mentality of the dub's but then again it is so refreshing to have an outsider say what a bun of A@@ H@@@@@ they are LOL You just have to find someone with an open mind.
Also Scully I was never even DF and was treated horrible I can't imagine what everyone that is DF goes through.
<of the don't the dub's just suck class>
Edited by - SheilaM on 31 December 2002 21:35:51
-
wednesday
I've had a mountain of abuse to overcome. From my family, to individual Jws, to the org. The toll it took on me was severe, I only remember my life in bits and pieces. Some periods of times i have no remembrance of at all. i remember once just sort of waking up in my parents home and not knowing who they were. I was in my twenties at that time. This went on until i was in late 30's and then all systems broke down. I was very ill, and required a great deal of help. I got none from the elders or any jws. If they could have spit on me , they would have. I got psychiatric help and had a wonderful psychologist. it took him 2 years to break through the jw mindset. But finally i listened to him . I finally grew to trust him.. this was hard, b/c i had learned to trust no one, not even myself. I'm not going to tell u that everythihg went great and moved forward. it wanned and waxed. today, i am still in therapy, but i feel i have been able to reslove most of the abuse issues.. Sure they still hurt, and i have scars, but i am still here, and i survived. But i have been left with low sef estem and the stress has taken a toll physically on me. i am not as healthy as i used to be, due to a lot of stress induced illnesses.I was once a very outgoing person and made friends easily. Now i am fearful of people and am always watching me back.The person i used to be would open their home to a stranger. Now u would need references. But i would not be alive today were it not for my doctors. Just as heart surgery can save your life and insulin can help u if u are diabetic, therapy and medicine has helped me regain some of my life. Right now, i am trying to learn to have fun and be happy. I have spent so many years being sad and feeling i was a bad person. For this and may other things, i will not forgive jws. They could have helped and did not. They saw me lying on the roadside,nearly dead, and went over to the other side.
Deciding to seek psychiatic help is the same as seeking help for anything else. if u were a diabetic, i doubt we would have threads entitled 'I am diabetic, should i go to doc, take insulin?" It will be so nice to get out of the dark ages.
I posted this on anoter thread, but applies here too.