Not my words, but that of a very cherished person. They were spoken a while back, but are so very fitting. Wish you all a very beautiful New Year, let's hope and pray this one is better than the last.
without thinking too much about your opinions of me. without thinking too much about the things i've shared and said in the past. without being cautious of looking "weak", or perhaps even losing an aquantance or two... i am going to just say what i feel at this very moment.
every person here has a heart. big, small, jaded, corrupt, kind, broken, helpful. regardless, we all have one, and we all want it to stay in tact.
every person here has some feelings. some are more fragile than others, some tougher than most. regardless, we all have them (even when we hide or ignore them), and we all want them to be known, rather than attacked.
i have seen a lot of beautiful people here turn sick and ugly in a hell of a hurry. myself included. i've also seen a few people stray from their cruel ways and become suprisingly sincere and helpful.
i've heard such nasty threats and brutal attacks, but the same people can come up with wonderful topics and have some grand ideas and thoughts.
i really can't deny that at some point in time, each person here has touched me in some way... some directly, some indirectly and never knowing they did.
just a few things that stick in my head...
teejay once posted a story that seriously affected me. i read this tonight again, and all the feeling came rushing back too me, the numbness disappered. the story can be read here, and i think this would be the most oppertune time for us ALL to read it http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=16650&site=3.
you may notice at the end of that thread, i made a comment to prisca.
i can remember when i posted that... it was kind of like another start on getting along with prisca after we had gotten into an argument shortly before that. back then it was easier for me to forgive for some reason.
plum used to post lots of celebration, welcome and happy threads with tons of cute animations and kind words. i always remembered thinking "how can someone be so happy all the time?!" of course, then i didn't know she wasn't always happy, she had her problems and issues to suffer and deal with just like the rest of us. maybe back then she just didn't let things get to her so much, she could move on...live life.
i remember the first time i met mr.moe. we were in chat together and some sort of argument was going on. i was quick to judge by just looking at the surface, not reading any deeper and decided i'd never get along with her. well, i must say, now she's one of the few women i respect.
tina's always been so kind to me. she immediatly became like a second mom to me. my cyber mommy. no matter her mood or what was going on in her life, she was right at my side fighting for me, and knowing i was strong enough to pull thru.
wendy's a great person too. we've had our issues but she will always have a very special place in my heart. i learned many lessons in the short time i stayed with her family, lessons that changed my life.
does anyone remember jonboy (jonjonsimons)? he was one of the very few people i actually stayed in close touch with from the forums. we emailed eachother often. a man dying of cancer in his hospital bed telling ME to be strong. holding ME together. i was so fucking selfish. and now he is gone. i owe him so much, he helped me and my dad patch our relationship up. he had such a hard life. and he died a hard death. but the entire fight was positive and passionate.
people i've gotten to know here. people i've gotten to like. gotten to dislike.
some i love with all my heart, some i just feel plain sorry for. but i do feel for them all.
so feelings. this is what feelings are to me.
one feeling we all know too well is pain. it's inevitable. everyday is a potential tradgedy. every person we attach ourselves to is a potential loss.
we've all suffered tremendous heartache...shunning, breakups, death, parents divorcing, leaving the only "truth" we've ever known, realizing our faults, cancer, aids, suicide, miscarriages, being smacked across the face, being molested by someone who's supposed to keep us safe, being called a liar... the list truly goes on forever. we've all felt some awful pain. most of us have much more in common than just this general feeling. many of us have felt pain dirived from the same source. this should keep us close.
it's absolutly necessary for us to have differences, personal opinions, uncomformed ideas that many won't accept, etc. but it's also necessary for us all to accept and tolerate other's to some point.
i'm speaking for everyone on this forum who's been called a nasty name, called other's nasty names. hurt eachother. beat eachother. defeated eahother. crawled away bleeding from eachother. i don't care who won. who lost. who hit who first. it's time to unite, or walk away from the fight.