Dearest TuningFork (((((((((((((((hugs to a special person))))))))))))))
I was so glad to see your post, and even though I'm at work, I just had to take a minute to let you know that I truly do understand when you talk about trying to find true inner happiness and joy.
Sometimes, there are things blocking us from that. ...things that we aren't aware of, deep inside us, that need to be brought to the surface so we can face them, deal with them, discard them, and grow past them. This truly opens up a clear channel for spiritual refreshment, so we can not only live our life, but live it more personally fulfilled, and more at peace. I know you are/have been on a journey to discover what that is, so you can be rid of it, refreshed, and move forward. You have already come a very long way in the positive.
I know you will make friends on this forum--as I can already tell from the replies you've received. I look forward to reading more of your posts in the future.
Love and Light, Little One