by Stephanus 15 Replies latest jw friends
To the Italian... That was pretty funny!!...
I think it'll also be a symposium for me too...
Sometimes I felt like ALL the local "needs" were about us (the clan which included my 2 brothers, a friend and me)...
We never confronted the elder... we all knew who he was refering to and most likely the whole cong.
Edited by - email on 7 January 2003 10:7:28
Ah, I remember a special needs talk where they hit my brother and I up with about half a dozen different things: length of hair, clothes, working out, going to rock concerts, bad association with (gasp) worldly people, maybe even drinking (though of legal age). Thing is, all of it was true. Couldn't say we weren't doing those things. I remember recording the talk. We played it over and over and laughed at it and made fun of it. Sort of pissed us off that they were picking on us vs. the rest of the hall. But, in the end, felt like they were the ones that had to resolve their issues, not us. Nope, never confronted anyone about it.
Actually, we were sort of proud of it. At some future point, some things were said in a talk at the circuit assembly that sounded too close to home to ignore. Afterwards, we celebrated being talked about at the circuit assembly. Kind of like getting your name in the paper.
Later, at a district convention, there were also things said that seemed to apply to us, but they were kind of vague. With the larger audience, it could have been anybody, but we still got a little bit of a feeling of pride that we *may* have made it to the district assembly too.
JWS, you've mentioned your evil reputation before; got a chuckle over that. I know what you mean about the pride thing - IMO the only bad publicity is no publicity. At least when they're slagging you off, they can be arsed to think/talk about you!
My question is based on an event that happened to me. In my own weird cultic environment, a group of us were told about something someone had done by the the "oversight" - actually it was something that hadn't been done - the whole group was told about it. I went to the oversight and complained:
Me: Why did you slag me off in front of everyone instead of coming to me first?
Oversight: You were never mentioned by name
Me: Come on! Everyone knew it was me!
Oversight: Then YOU shouldn't have been telling everyone about it!
I imagine a confrontation would go something like the above. The confronted elder would twist it around and make it look like the person slagged off in front of the cong. was actually a victim of their own guilty conscience; a foot in the door for counselling, perhaps...
Catch 22. You feel you've been betrayed, yet can't discuss it without actually admitting to it.
Not sure what the "crime" was in our case, but in our case, things like working out??? C'mon. Don't tell me the only acceptable form of excercise for a JW is walking from door-to-door. We felt they were wrong and needed adjustment and wrote them off as foolish. In fact, felt most of these things were a matter of personal choice and tastes and for the most part, we were still playing by the JW rules.
But what if it's something more serious? Could have tried the ignorance approach if they didn't know for a fact you were guilty. Approach the speaker and tell him that some people think he was talking about you. Ask whether there is anything he can do to let the congregation know it wasn't you?
Now if they know you're guilty... Well, those sort of things go with the JW territory. If you got reproved or DFed, they're usually going to give a special needs talk about it. Supposedly under the guise that if one person is doing it, others are at risk, so they need to address it. Meanwhile, you may have been the only one who knew and you've already been dealt with. When I was a JW, it was usually a good way to find out why somebody got DFed. Wait for the next special needs talk. To me, it's all just a part of the unjustice that's part of their punishment process. Just as DFing is cruel, so are these types of talks as they only serve to publicly embarrass you.
It probably wasn't personal against you. It happens all the time when people are reproved/DFed.
The silly thing is that the Dubs justify their nasty interference in peoples' lives with Matthew 18. However, what they do is diametrically opposite. Basing a special needs talk on something that the gossip and rumour mill guarantees is not a secret for the person who's done it, is basically dragging the person before the assembly first, instead of confronting them personally on a one-to-one basis.
I had a few. One local needs directed to a friend was literally a symposium. One part: don't use slang! Lol.
