How do I tell my family I'm no longer a JW?

YellowLab

This subject has bothered me for 5 years now.

Eventually the day will come where I'll need to tell my folks I'm no longer a JW. My oldest son (who is 3) is getting to the age where he talks about everything from birthday cakes to Christmas trees. We were able to get away with birthdays and holidays so far, but now is becoming increasingly difficult to stop him from talking about them when the family's around.

Should I write a letter? Call them on the phone? Send a DA letter and wait to hear from them first?

I fear the worst... shunning.

YellowLab

Aztec

I am sorry to hear this. I think you should just outright tell your parents yourselves. It would be worse if they were to hear it from your child. I wouldn't recommend writing a DA letter just yet. I would recommend being honest with them.

~Aztec

SixofNine

A singing telegram?

How 'bout a poem?

Roses are Red

until they're black,

meetings are draffy,

so I won't be back.

w/perhaps a nice follow up note:

Dear Mom & Dad, your probably wondering what "draffy" means. Here are some synonyms: worthless, drossy, good-for-nothing, inutile, ||no-account, no-good, nothing, unworthy, valueless

And here are some related words, I know how much you hate to research:Related Word inferior, mediocre, poor, second-rate; defective, flawed, imperfect; bootless, ineffectual, unavailing, useless; contemptible, dusty, mean, sad, sorry

Please give my love to aunt brainwashed.

....something like that?

Edited by - SixofNine on 8 January 2003 1:1:49

LB

Slow down on the DA letter. I wouldn't do anything in that area until you feel it's necessary. But I would be honest with your parents. After all it's going to become obvious you aren't a witness anyway. When you tell me I suggest felling them out and seeing how they take it. If walls go up I think I'd back off but make sure you tell them how much you love them. I'd use that love word a lot.

Guest 77

There is no one set procedure and answer. Some parents will fly off the handle and will throw you out, while others would be mild about it, but yet, they would tell you in a nice way they can't have anything to do with you. You would be in a better position to know the 'reaction' of your parents.

Seeing that this has troubled you for five years, does this mean that you haven't been attending meetings, etc. during that time period or you've just been thinking about it?

My approach was direct, face to face and nothing happened. My mom still welcomes me, and the elders said it was OK for her to stay with me while she was ill, yeah, because NOBODY in the congregation even my natural brother volunteered to put themselves out for a fellow witness! Anyways, I wish you the best results.

Others have given you food for thought.

Guest 77

email

Don't they suspect anything by now???

Maybe they already know and you don't know it... you know how gossip is withing the WT.

But I will follow Aztec's suggestion. Just tell them... in the beginning you can probably use a not so direct tone so that it is not so shocking to them IF like i said they don't already know.

TresHappy

I just started celebrating birthdays and holidays. That did it for them.

Carmel

religious beliefs, to me, are very personal and are no business of anyone else unless and until I choose to tell them. I would say nothing and let the natural course of events unfold. When asked, simply say "those are private matters about which I do not wish to comment". Of course done so with a diplomatic smile and "would you like a warm up on your coffee?" Nest subject!

carmel of "its none of anyone's dam business" class

jurs

Yellowlab,

I suggest before you say or do anything you need to get your attitude and priorities straight. Your a grown man with responsibilities of being a husband as well as father. You need to cut those apron strings! If your EXTENDED family (parents, brothers , sisters, grandparents ect.) shun you, your going to be ok. You need to base your decision and actions NOT on them or the punishment they'll inflict upon you but instead whats best for your family. Your family is your wife and kids. Do you really want your kids and wife to see you act cowardly by hiding celebrations and lying about why your not at the kingdom hall. I honestly couldn't respect someone fully if I saw them do that. I'm a firm believer in integrity and honesty. I really don't think anyone can be happy when they base how they live their life by living a lie. In my opinion your life isn't very truthful right now.

Before you tell your folks, and I'd do it in person,( it seems more grown up and respectful) You need to remember that YOU are not ending a relationship with your parents, YOU are not shunning them. YOU love them. How they react is nothing for you to fear or feel guily about.

Good Luck

jurs

larc

I like Carmels approach. Sometimes procratination is a good thing. When the subject comes up from them, be evasive and change the subject. When I faded, I once visited some cousins. While visiting they asked why I was inactive. I told them that I didn't want to go into it, because I didn't want to stumble them. That was a real conversation stopper. It also bought be a few years more contact with them.

How do I tell my family I'm no longer a JW?

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