Female Subjugation

out4good3

I'm aware of many couples where the man, usually the breadwinner, can no longer tolerate following the WT party line anymore. I myself am the only breadwinner in my family and although my wife works hard to appear as the staunch JW, I never berate or hold it against her in any way as do most other men I know in similar situations. She knows how I feel about the WT so she almost never asks my opinion on Soceity related matters.

But, what of the couples where it is the woman whose fallen away but finds herself totally dependent upon her staunch JW husband for support?

The Soceity, being the make dominated entity it is, is full of men who are used to having their way all the time and not having their decisions or actions questioned; men who are used to, and I apologize in advance for saying this, "keeping their woman in deep subjugation to them".

What of the women who now find themselves in situations now that they have fallen away, with men who are used to feeding on the control they have on others? Do the women in these situations now find that their men turn on the guilt even more so in an effort to control then? do the men resort to withholding money as a means of control?

And if you've noticed a remarked change in the way your man treats you, do you retaliate by withholding the "goods" whatever else you can from him?

I'd like to hear from some of the women on this board. Have your spouse or SO tried other ways of exerting control over you or, other than staying in fairytale land, did they remain the "prince charming" you originally married?

auntiem

Hi out4good,

As a female whose spouse is a JW, I found that when he became disabled and unable to work I became the breadwinner for our family of 3 children. At the KH we were a picture perfect family. At home life was hell. He tried to control me by controlling the money and by verbal and mental/emotional abuse. He often "preached" at me telling me how wicked and evil I was because I was too tired to go out in service, or to attend meetings. I was working 40+ hours per week and coming home to a filthy house, cooking and then cleaning and laundry until the wee hours of the morning. Oh by the way I also have lupus all the while. He constantly rode me about the virtues of the capable wife and told me that I was not one. He was at home on the computer all day, or watching TV and doing his studies for the meetings. Leaving my then 13 year old daughter in charge of the little ones as soon as she came home from school, until I came home. I never with held the goods from him because then I would not be upholding bible principle to render his due.

He left us 2 years ago and went to live with his mother. The elders said that there was nothing they could do to help the situation while he was there but to allow him to be the head of the house and gave me a long counseling on being submissive. I quit going to the KH after he left and have not been back. He is still in good standing and a member of the super fine apostle club.

Debz

The elders said that there was nothing they could do to help the situation while he was there

Even when he is (and is doing the wrong thing) they `do` nothing!

but to allow him to be the head of the house and gave me a long counseling on being submissive.

My sisters experience was the same after years of physical, emotional and financial abuse. She was the one that recieved stern `reprimands`.

Hi out4good3

I left my first husband a dub after 2 yrs of marriage I was 22 at the time with two young babies - I consider I made the right choice and very lucky altho naturally I lost family and friends as well (being DF). The reason I consider myself `lucky` is due to watching / hearing what my sister had to endure being married to a dub for 13 yrs. Although she never attempted to leave the troof the whole time - she went through some pretty horrid stuff. I remember even on her honeymoon coming to me and my husband and my parents with a black eye, which was covered up by all that knew about it! On many many occasions she sought help from the elders who believed it was her making and convincing her own parents that she was in some way responsible. The final straw for her and her final release from the troof was that she was raped by her husband, she went to the elders onec more and guess what......it must have been her fault somehow!!! She left the state she was in and returned home to parents on the premise of a short holiday - after some yrs of adjustment she is now out fully and is very aware of the inappropriateness of anyone backing up male perpetrators of violence. She often asks me now `why didn`t anyone help me`..........mmmmmmmm sad eh!

Wolfgirl

I just left. He tried all different ways of guilting me into staying with him (I left him and the truth at the same time.), including asking me what I thought my abusive father (an elder) would say about the situation.

The elders did nothing, even though he raped me, because they said it was my word against his. Well, of course. I'm not in the habit of inviting others to watch.

email

I've personally seen how there are some elders that even in front of other people will give these intimidating looks to their wives because of something theyve said in a conversation or they will ALWAYS have the last word in everything and they are NEVER wrong about anything they do or say and they are always trying to belittle their wives with words and/or looks. I just cant imagine how they would be with their wives when no one else is around. And if you ask them thats the way the head of the family should be!!. One of the elders Im talking about here was the PO of the cong. I used to attend. Apparently this is even more common than I thought.

It is so sad.

ugg

you mean prince "HARMING" I don't go to the hall anymore...as a result,,,hubbys control of me is getting less....i no longer get on my knee's and beg him to like me,,,,i was PERFECT for 23 days...and i mean PERFECT....

WHEN asking my elder hubby what i had done wrong,,,,why he kept refusing to pray with me,,he stated,,,IN ALL SERIUOS NESS..and said i did NOT go to bed at the right time!! i no longer ask him to pray with me....

i could just keep going by why,,,,everybody on this board has been through hell of some kind...

so what is the watchtower study for sunday??????? how the holy spirit appoints those taking the lead....(ugg,,,,saying this in her most saracastic voice) puke puke puke,,,,

Vee

I remember being about 12 y/o and hearing some sisters talking together after a b/study group and my mother was with them. The only things I clearly remember from the conversation was the context, which was about getting what she wanted/needed by holding out on the "goods" from her husband. It sounded as though this method was tried and tested for her. I was young and naiive but understood perfectly what she was saying, and was mortified especially by mother who laughed and nodded in agreement. This sisters husband was one of the most flirtatious arrogent self obsessed "brothers" (b*st*rds) I had ever met, and I remember thinking then that I could imagine that form of witholding would definitely work with him. I never looked at that sister the same way again though. I caught up with both the husband & wife at a wedding in my home town earlier on this year for a very good JW friend of mine (present & past). Neither of them had seemed to change, just worsen if anything. The only difference was that I was all grown up, so the husband was more flirtatious than ever, and the "sister" I came across in the ladies room completely off her head after a few drinks. Both of course are still considered a highly respectable elder & wife couple.

I've said it before and I'll say it again that I fully believe that my parents were attracted to the JW faith because it suited their ideals. My father was a crazed power hungry so and so who demanded control over all those who came under his "durisdiction". My mother was a meak mild woman who was drawn to the ideal of the headship arrangement where her husband would love and cherish her as the weaker vessel, ha ha ha ha ha. My father successuflly used and manipulated the "truth" and scriptures to suite his purpose for nearly 30 years. And would you believe that after 30 years of mental, emotional and physical torture that my mother just this November past walked out on my father! Her very words at the weekend to me were that her whole married life had been a fascade and a sham!!! Halebloodylujah!!!

V**

Yerusalyim

My wife and I have never really discussed the subjugation issue, maybe we will tonight as she's massaging my feet, that is when she's done with the supper dishes and mopping, folding laundry and picking my ear hairs.

Elsewhere

[ Running for cover after Yerusalyim's comment ]

I don't want to be anywhere near him when the $#!+ hits the fan!

out4good3

The common thread here is that when the husband leaves, he responds with to the wife with as much cooperation and understanding as he can without falling to the coercion of being guilt-tripped back into going to meetings. When it's the woman who chooses to leave, all hell breaks loose and the male resorts to using to Bible and his perceived god-given authority to beat the woman back into submission.

I guess I'm guilty of being WAYYYYY to mousy with my wife when I left because her conversations after that about the "troof" had gotten so demanding, intense, and laced with the guilt tripping edge that once I was actually forced to go in the bathroom and throw up. It was at that point where I had to tell her that it would be best for both of us if she just backed off and agreed to disagree on this issue. Our life is much better now that we've developed what I like to call our "comfortable truce".

Recently though, she's been giving me hints that she would be open to the idea of having another kid; talking about all the things she'd like to do and show to him\her. In the back of my mind I was thinking that I'd have a vasectomy and both of my balls cut off before I'll produce another kid to be handed over to the clutches of those self-serving WT bastards.

Female Subjugation

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