So I've noticed lately that my wife seems to think that in order to have a good marriage both people must be "spiritual". She thinks being close as a family is all about family worship night, field service and praying together. I know where these ideas are coming from but it is very hard to combat them. Seems to think me being faithful and loyal has something to do with me being a JW and not just who I am as a person. How do you get someone out of that mindset?
Wife Equates Having A Good Marriage With Being "Spiritual"
by JW_Rogue 21 Replies latest jw experiences
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OneEyedJoe
That's one of those things that I think is difficult to really convince someone of just by talking about it. Especially when it comes to someone that's insecure about the status of their marriage. Most effective way is probably just demonstrating that being "spiritual" has nothing to do with having a strong marriage. Do things together that you enjoy (other than cult related nonsense) and hopefully she'll soon realize that you're together because you enjoy each other and that your family relationships are strong because of shared experience and mutual support, not because of your level of involvement in a cult.
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freemindfade
Its part of the witness delusion
They also think witnesses are the happiest people on earth, when studies who actually something different.
Witness marriage is happy for the same reason the Stepford wives are happy.
Being a witness is no guarantee of a happy/good marriage. In fact I believe the cult adds pressure to a marriage. But in a high control group it is possible to have a high control marriage. Not necessarily happy
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John Aquila
Show her the Bible and the God she worships-Jehovah- doesn’t teach her idea.
For example Esther was a spiritual Believer and worshiper of Jehovah and King Ahasuerus was not a worshiper of Jehovah.
Yet what the Bible record say.
(Esther 2:17) . . .And the king came to love Esther more than all the other women, so that she gained more favor and loving-kindness before him than all the other virgins.
And he proceeded to put the royal headdress upon her head and make her queen . . .
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JW_Rogue
I don't really feel like I can talk to her openly about how I feel about the org. Sometimes she will complain about the Elders or say that she doesn't see any point in going to meetings. However, when she says those things she is looking for me to set her straight and tell her what she needs to do. If I agreed with her then I'd be letting her down. According to her thinking I'm supposed to be the "more spiritual one" as the head of the household. -
OneEyedJoe
I don't really feel like I can talk to her openly about how I feel about the org. Sometimes she will complain about the Elders or say that she doesn't see any point in going to meetings. However, when she says those things she is looking for me to set her straight and tell her what she needs to do. If I agreed with her then I'd be letting her down. According to her thinking I'm supposed to be the "more spiritual one" as the head of the household.
Been there. My wife tested me in so many different ways and treated me like shit every time I disappointed her with my lack of zeal for the cult. While it was rough for a while (and things are still very much up in the air in a lot of ways) it turns out that just being honest with her was the best thing and I wish I'd done it earlier. Your wife is probably scared. She knows something is going on and since you're not telling her she could very well be inventing stories in her head like mine was and that's likely making her very insecure and unsettled about your marriage and her future. That tension isn't going to result in anything good - even if you're not open with her about your issues with the cult, I think trying something to reassure her of the strength of the marriage (buy her flowers, take her to a nice place she's been wanting to try, take an afternoon off work to spend time with her, whatever) and your commitment to it would be a good idea. If you can make her feel comfortable about things without bringing the cult into it, you'll only be making your relationship stronger for the difficulties it's likely to face in the near future.
Just my $.02, take it or leave it. You obviously know your wife better than I do and you know your situation better than I, but hopefully this is a little helpful. At the very least know you're not alone in this and whatever happens you'll get through and have a great cult-free future.
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anthonymorris2nd
Me personally....if we were meant to be married we'd be born that way.....that said....800lb gorilla in the room....
Toad in the hole AGAIN tonight -
SecretSlaveClass
Well in that case I guess I never realized how bad my marriage must be since my wife and I are about as spiritual as the residue in a toilet bowl. -
goingthruthemotions
are you sure we don't share the same wife? -
Sabin
I think that the advise from J Aquila is great. Us girls love to be loved, attention to feel beautiful & that we are the only one. Sometimes men are clumsy with us emotionally. Not because their bad their just men & they see it differently. You need to up the love, look at it from her point of view (at least try). Some of the things the borg says about marriage is really good. About showing honour to ones wife, loving her as your own body, not looking at other women etc. We`re romantic at heart, that's the stuff we see, so if you don't want to be spiritual then your no longer obligated to do the other things. You need to get her to see you do those things because of her not cause of the borg. Example: The sisters were always flirting with my husband, cause he gets women, respects them & is an all round great guy. It drove me insane, they would come up & talk to him & totally ignore me, there bapped sis. I felt really insecure about it & it caused some arguments between us. These women were smarter, prettier & thinner than me, it made me feel like he could do better, I never said that out of fear. Then one day I blurted it out that I felt jealous. You know what he said "I`m the man I am because of the woman I married, I`m not interested in anybody else" all my fears went away. You see this is how we think. Find out what she is really feeling, what is behind her actions & words. Go from there.