Could you trust someone who has been sexually abus (page 2)

Brummie

I guessed you meant that Jes! Thats why I didnt get on my soap box as I did in the past when someone said this same thing....lol

Torturedsoul.......WHAT a horrid story! Did you ever write about your experience?

Good points Ladylee (as usual)

Brumm

kelpie

I too was abused as a child and there is no way that I would ever do that to another human being.

I think it comes down to the fact; get help, counselling, whatever and you can deal with the abuse, it doesnt then rule your life.

In my opinion (and this is just my opinion) from what I have seen from the person that abused me was that he was abused by a priest constanly for years starting at a very early age. In his childhood he thought this was the normal thing to do. By the time he realised that this was wrong, it had warped his sense of right and wrong so much that he continued to keep doing it until the day he died basiclly.

The reason?? he didnt get any help. Those are the people that I think are more liking to abuse once they have been abused.

I hope this makes sense.

Kelps

Lady Lee

Jes I KNEW you knew that because you are proof that ALL become abusers are wrong wrong wrong.

In my experience I know my father was sexually abused as a child. In him it resulted in an intense need to control people and his sexuality and people through sexuality. Very sick. My mother was also sexually abused and although she didn't do the abuse herself she did marry three men who sexually abused children. Neither of them got any help when they were abused or later on in life. In fact they both think/thought they were fine.

Thankfully we live in a world where the sexual abuse of children is out of the closet and people can get help. But even before this came out of the closet I was one who said this will not pass down to my children. It is a choice to break the cycle and more and more of us want to see an end to abuse and will do what we can to say "It stops HERE"

Big Tex

But it's really about choices, isn't it? Certainly some choices are easier to make than others, but at the end of the day I believe a victim chooses to stop the abuse or continue it.

I believe there are three choices for anyone coming out of an abusive situation. One, you identify with the abuser. You see the power that is exerted over you and, feeling powerless and out of control, you want to exert that amount of power over someone else. These are the people that I believe grow up to abuse. Second, you are repelled by the abuse. You see the power that is exerted over you and, feeling disgusted and repulsed, you grow up vowing to never take part in doing that to someone else. These are the people I believe that become mental health professionals, counselers, psychologists, etc. and help other victims become survivors. Third, and last, are those that see the power that is exerted over victims and, feeling powerless and out of control, you close your mind and pretend it never happened. You grow up to become a denier and you close your mind to almost all forms of abuse since it touches too close to home. These are the people that grow up and who take their children to daycare at Pedophiles R Us. These are the people who side with the offender (and demand 2 eyewitnesses to an act of rape) because to do otherwise would force them to look at something ugly inside; these people do not have the strength or wherewithall to do so. This third choice are the people whose children are most in danger of becoming abused themselves.

In my opnion.

Wolfgirl

I probably wouldn't, for my own peace of mind. But I was sexually abused, and I adore children. I've babysat for so many different people, and never had a problem. Of course, the parents of those kids never knew I was sexually abused. I guess I'm one of the ones who hasn't gone on to be an abuser. My husband knows of my past, and trusts me implicitly with his children (from first marriage).

LyinEyes

Jes, I would trust you with any of my kids, they like you from when they saw you in Dallas,even briefly and I know you are a great person, and a good mom.

I just wanted to express my sorrow of reading TorturedSoul's story, as the mother of a precious 9 yr old boy, my heart just broke. I swear .......... well I just have tears and not too many words, ,, but I feel so damn angry that someone hurt you so bad and stole your innocence........ damn them to hell, over and over. Huggggggggggggssss to ((((((((TS)))))))))))) dede

Witch Child

Statistics do NOT show that those who are abused go on to abuse! That is an erronious assumption. What statistics show is that upwards of 70% of molesters, those in jail for it, report that they were molested as children. To be clear: NOT 70% of those abused will molest... 70% of those who molest were molested themselves.

I was sexually abused as a child but I have absolutely no fear that I would pass my pain along. I have many friends who suffered similarly in their childhoods. These are amazing people, that I love and trust, and yes, I trust them with my kids. Some people who are abused internalize the abuser, they imitate the person that had power over them to make themselves feel powerful. Many who are abused do not do internalize the abuser, they reject him. These ones that reject the abuser still need therapy to become emotionally healthy. While they would never molest a child they might be unable to protect a child from someone else who would abuse them. These are the women who date or even marry men that molest their children and never notice what is happening. But with therapy and awarness, people that were molested can be the best, most sharp-eyed defenders of kids.

I love my kids and I would never do anything to jepordize their well-being. Most people think I am too protective. I don't use babysitters very often, maybe a few times in a year. My mother in law has been going nuts because she wants to babysit her grandbaby... I finally let her. He was with her for one hour so we could grocery shop in peace. He is 7 months old. That one hour period is the only time in his life that I was not with him.

So, sorry for my tirade. I just hate it when this misinformation crops up, as it often does.

*SIGH*
~Witch

SwordOfJah

Jessika, that is a tough question. After meditating on it I would say that it shouldn't matter. I have a family member that was abused, well I should say molested. She was touched inappropriately as a child by her babysitter which was a 16 year old girl. But I would trust my kids with her, actually she's great around kids and is now an elementary school girl. So although some that were abused become abusers themselves, we shouldn't reach the conclusion that it will be true with every single abused person.

meadow77

I think that most parents look for any kinda red flag in their mind. I don't have any children yet, but I would have to say honestly, that if I didn't know the person, I might be concerned. My best male friend was sexually abused as a child and my best girlfriend was physically abused, and I would trust either one of them completely with my child. I think the bottom line is when you aren't familiar with someone, basically everything about them is suspect.

SheilaM

Tortured Soul:

I am so sorry to hear what was done to you, to me that is what true evil is someone that feeds on the innocence of a childWords are just not enough in a case like that((((((((TS)))))))))))

Could you trust someone who has been sexually abus

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