Need your help

by Dolphin57 10 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dolphin57

  Hello everyone. I need some advice. This will help...:

  http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/forum/thread.aspx?id=44113&site=3 (My Story)

  Last night...someone dear to my heart passed away. She was an elderly sister in the hall that my mother took care of. In time, she lived in our home and became my "grandmother". She had pictures of my sister and me in front of pictures of her own children. She was really a wonderful woman. She would tell me stories of when she was growing up..can't really go into more right now ....

  Her mind started slipping away from her about 8-9 months ago and we had to put her in a home for 24 hour care. We visited and still cared for her as much as we could. She went senile in a short time and at a point...totally forgot who I was. So, in a sense, I have had alot of time to deal with this but it is still very devastating.

  Aside from grief, I am scared crazy. My mother and the elders of the congragation have planned a memorial for her. It is going to be on Friday (or saturday?). It is going to be at the Kingdom Hall. I haven't been there in about 10+ months. I walked away. The same people who were mentioned in "my story" posting will be there. So will all the members of the congregation, who (aside from rumors) have no clue what happened to me.

  Has anyone out there been through this? I told myself I would never go back but now...I am scared they will ask me questions....worse - pull my husband aside and interrogate him. I am going but does anyone have any advice on how to deal with this? I am desperate. I don't know how I will handle facing them all... Thanks....

  Edited by - Dolphin57 on 12 January 2003 21:43:26
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  Gizmo

  Dolphin,

  IMHO you should go pay your respects, If anyone tries to interogate you or your hubby, just say, I m to devestated to talk about anything right now say sorry, and walk away or look away don't give them a chance to make an appointment with you to talk or anything, just be firm and say NO. It's your life!
• 

  Golden Girl

  Snoozy...Hugs to you!

  Edited by - Golden Girl on 12 January 2003 23:48:57
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  cruzanheart

  Dear Dolphin, you must ask yourself what would make YOU feel better - to pay your respects to your grandmother at the memorial service, in spite of all the nasty people and memories that are there, or to do something private but meaningful, such as visit her gravesite and read a poem or leave flowers. It's really YOUR choice, and you should take care of yourself in this one. Your grandmother is at peace and I'm sure she wouldn't want to cause you any pain or heartache by forcing you to go someplace toxic to you.

  My mother has Alzheimer's and hasn't known me in over a year now, so I know how horrible that made you feel. Mom knows I'm someone she likes to see, but she is pleased to see everyone - I'm just one face of many. She doesn't comprehend relationships or much of anything and some days is not even aware someone is talking to her or touching her. I will be sad when she dies, but relieved too, because I know she would have hated to think of ending up like this.

  Thanks for sharing your experiences with us, and please let us know what you decide to do! If you need someone to be there with you at the memorial talk, should you decide to go, let us know and I'll bet we can find someone in your area to help you out! Safety in numbers, you know!

  Lots of love,

  Nina
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  Prisca

  ((((((dolphin)))))

  My sympathies are with you.

  As for going to the Hall, that is up to you, whether you can handle walking back in there. In regards to people coming up to you, as cruzanheart said, just refuse to talk to them, except for receiving hugs or whatever. Don't feel you are obligated to answer any questions - you don't owe anyone answers.

  Otherwise, do something privately to honor your grandmother - go to her graveside, take some flowers, listen to some of her favourite music. Or perhaps go to a nice park or the beach, and use that time alone to "talk" to her.

  May fond memories of her comfort you.
• 

  LyinEyes

  I am so sorry for your loss Dolphin.

  I would say,,,,,,, go to her services,,,,,,,go for yourself and go for her,,,,,,,, that is all. I know it sounds hard to do with eyes looking at you,,,,,,, but go with the mindset to honor her, and say your goodbyes. To hell with anyone rude enough to pry into YOUR goings on , at HER memorial.

  I would tell them if they question you ,,,,,,, that you are there out of love , respect and the memory of someone you loved deeply and that deeply loved you,,,,,,,,, and ask them if they don't mind backing the hell off, so you can mourn in peace......A very strong glare and clenched teeth should also get your point across.

  You be in control and dont let them , weasel their nosey butts, in your business at such a time you are grieving.

  Ask them,,,,,,,,,," Have you no sympathy for the family at this time, she was a grandmother to me..now if you don't mind,,,, I need to pay my respects to her!!!!!!!!!"

  I hope you go, because if you don't you might always regret it,,,,, you can leave when you are ready. They may try to intimidate you,,,,,,,,, but you are the family........not them.
• 

  email

  ((((((((((Dolphin)))))))))))))

  I am sorry to hear about your loss...

  I agree with everyone here... It's up to you... Like LyinEyes said:

  You be in control and dont let them

  Go In and Out... Pay your respects and then don't let anyone annoy you... leave before anyone has a chance to do that.

  We'll be thinking about you.
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  larc

  I think the hardest part will be listening to the info commercial that the speaker will give. Precious little will be said about your grandmother. I have been to several Witness oriented funerals since I left, and that is the hardest part for me.
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  imanaliento

  sorry to hear of your situation.

  You could always arrive late and leave early and wear a hat.
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  ashitaka

  Go pay your respects for this wonderful lady. Like it was already said, just leave in your emotional state, and tell them you are too upset to talk.

  ash