dantheman,
I ran into a friend of mine in the food court at the mall one day after work. Actually, Debbie saw me first. I was feeling soooo sad and on the verge of tears, as I sat and picked at my cardboard mozzaburger and sipped on my rootbeer. It was very shortly after my df'ing and I was feeling ungrounded and disconnected. My mom had died only a few months before as well. Besides grieving for my mom, I was also grieving the loss of my kids association, and still reeling from the sudden disfellowshipping. I couldn't believe how fast the elders had turned against me. I hated this feeling of being so alone and isolated from what I perceived to be "my world". I felt such an emptiness.
I heard a friendly voice, "Hi, Esther!"
I looked up . . .and into a smiling familiar face. . . here was someone I had known several years ago in dub-ville. Hadn't seen her for a long time. . .maybe a couple of years. That is just about how long ago since I had been a regular meeting attender, at that time in August 1999.
"Hi. . . Debbie," I said, hesitantly. . .I knew that if she heard that I was now disfellowshipped, she would turn away from me in horror.
"So. . .you still goin' to those meetings?" she asked me. Hmmmm. . . I thought. . .she must not have heard about my df'ing.
"No," I replied. . ."You?"
"I DA'd myself last year!" she replied happily.
"Really?" I could hardly see her face because of the tears in my eyes. I couldn't say more than that at the moment, . . or I would have burst out sobbing. Somehow I found the words to invite her to sit down with me and join me for coffee.
I did start to sob quietly. I told her how glad I felt that she stopped to talk with me. I was so lost in my thoughts that if she hadn't approached me, I would have never even seen her. She told me about how she came to her decision to disassociate from the WT. Then I told her that I was newly disfellowshipped and feeling so very . . .very. . .what's the word my mom used when she felt disoriented? . . .displaced. . .
She told me about the book, "Crisis of Conscience". She had a copy and offered to lend it to me for a read. Said it would help me gain a new perspective on the organization, and help me to survive this very rough and lonely time in my life.
I told her about my mom dying only weeks before the elders decision was handed down to disfellowship me. The elders had demonstrated such a lack of mercy and compassion that I felt a shock and disbelief around the entire month of events that led up to their final decision to df me.
Debbie was very understanding with me and sympathetic. I appreciated her friendship. We had been friends in the borg. . .and here we were, both outside the borg now. . .reacquainting ourselves. It felt wonderful to talk to someone so caring and compassionate.
We exchanged phone numbers and email addresses. . .and promised to be in touch with each other. I left the food court with her, smiling. I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
My conclusion is that the rule about shunning works very effectively. . .in keeping disfellowshipped or disassociated ones apart and alienated from each other. Since that time in the food court, I have made a point to say hi to any and all jws that I see. I think that if any of them left, as I did. . . I would not want to miss the opportunity of getting to know them all over again. . .this time on the outside of the cult.
Debbie and I remain close friends. We exchange Christmas and birthday gifts and cards. We get together for other occasions, as well . . . And I am sure that I thank her every time I see her . . .for stopping to talk with me that day in the food court. . .
Love,
Esther
