My husband doesn't understand this...

by starfish422 9 Replies latest jw experiences

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  starfish422

  My husband does not understand what my attraction is to this board. I come and go on the boards, I'm not a regular by any means, but I find that the boards are a catharsis for me. My hubby was never in the Borg, and he doesn't understand how talking about it, and comparing experiences, and poking fun at the craziness of it all, can interest me.

  Even though he has strayed a bit from his Christian upbringing, he says he doesn't feel the need to poke fun at it, and relive the bad experiences of his life.

  I have tried explaining the extent of the mind-control of the JWs, and he does understand how they attempt to control every facet of one's daily life. He just has never been a "group" kind of person so he doesn't understand what good therapy it is to discuss this stuff with others who have been through it.

  Anyone else in the same place?
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  calamityjane

  I to was of your husband's opinion. I could not see what entertained my husband on the board until I finally got on last week. We have both been out of the borg for a while now, you can find his thread that he started last night entitled "Help, I can't get my wife Off" which will explain how I finally got hooked. Now I can't stop.

  Your husband was never part of the borg, so he would not understand the humour in it all and probably never will. We have friends that have never been in the borg, it doesn't matter how much we explain to them of what a mind control it was, they try to make the dubs out as just another religion.
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  Shutterbug

  I had been "away" for 20 years before I discovered this forum and thought I was doing fine. Talk about an eye opener!! I've discovered things I was not even aware existed, as I had buired all these thoughts for years.

  My wife has trouble seeing where I'm coming from also, but lets face it, we are not all cut from the same cloth. We are all different and husbands and wives need to respect that difference. Bug
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  Scully

  Hi Starfish and Calamityjane (Welcome!!)

  My hubby was only a JW for about 12 years all together - his childhood was fairly normal for the area where he grew up - so he too doesn't totally understand my fascination with this place. He has visited a few times - just lurking - and is quite amazed by all the different people here.

  I think a lot of never-been-JWs think of JWs as just being kind of a "wacky" religion - they miss the point that people who grew up in the JWs had NO CHOICE. It's almost like growing up in a family where everyone abuses alcohol - you think this is "normal" until you get out of the environment and realize that your version of "normal" is pretty horrible by other people's standards.

  We also had our childhoods taken away from us and replaced with a HUGE LIE. My parents became JWs when I was maybe 7 or so... I remember how heartbroken I was when they told me that Santa Claus wasn't real... and that we wouldn't be having Christmas anymore because Jehovah didn't like Christmas and because we wanted to please Jehovah. When I learned that everything I believed in as a JW was a farce..... that there was going to be no Paradise on Earth.... no living forever... I felt the same way I did as a little girl, the day I was told that Santa wasn't real.

  Now when you're a kid.... and you realize that Santa's just a fictional character.... the disappointment is normal and you get over it, move on with life and forget about it - there really is not that much harm done. But JWs put their frikkin' lives on the line for Jehovah. They are willing to go to jail for Jehovah. They are willing to die for Jehovah. They are willing to let their children die for Jehovah. They are willing to undergo public humiliation for Jehovah - going door-to-door - taking a stand on JW issues at school, at work, etc. You let opportunities pass you by, so you can focus on "keeping your eye simple" and "putting kingdom interests first" for Jehovah. You invest your entire life on that promise of living forever in paradise..... and then you find out it's all crap! That messes with your head in a big way!! Santa Claus never made all those demands of you, did he?? Seriously, finding out that the WTS is full of crap is MUCH WORSE than finding out that your parents lied to you about Santa Claus.

  The fact that I was once willing to let myself or one of my children die for Jehovah makes me realize just how badly brainwashed I was. Nobody else can understand that except other people who have done exactly the same thing. The fact that there are people who understand and can empathize makes it a lot easier to cope with my own feelings of stupidity over being a JW for a quarter of a century.

  Love, Scully
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  xjw_b12

  Starfish. I'll 2nd my wife on that one. You have a tougher task, because they just don't know.

  Reminds me of the time we had a few couples over for an evening. 2 of us were ex-dubs, and the third couple are freinds we made after we left. We got on the topic of religion, and the non JW couple started to take the position, that " Oh! it couldn't be that bad " or " I don't think people would really treat you like that ! It was funny and sad at the same time. It was like they were JWs, trying to smooth over the edges with us. The discussion got quite emotional, and they ending up leaving a tad bit earlier than I think they planed, because they started to feel uncomfortable. I aplogized to them the next day, and we all laugh about it now, but it illustrates the point "unless you have been in my shoes, you haven't walked my path"

  There are threads here that have nothing to do with the org. Some funny, Some sad, but all interesting. Perhaps he may find interest in some of the non-religious posts.

  Best Wishes

  Edited to add: Hats off to Scully for letting it fly with both barrels!

  Edited by - xjw_b12 on 17 January 2003 16:56:36
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  nightwarrior

  Funny that this post is here, because our kids keep laughing when either Chris or I are on this site....oh why do you want to keep up with people who were JWs? Trying to explain to them that these things are very theraputic as to the healing process of once being a JW, is a little beyond them, as fortunately, our two younger children were born as JWs (yuk what a terrible expression), both have been young enough but on the other hand old enough to see the hurt and the hypocrisy that has affected our daily lives by being JWs...and we Chris and I both think of the restraints that we especially put on our two older children, it is an awful burden to bear some days - despite both of our older sons have done really well for themselves - that is why this site is so necessary for healing - because it is like women can speak to each other about all sorts of things, where men are more closed - well being ex JWs are little like women, we all can speak openly about the traumas that have been our lives whilst in the 'organisation'.

  We can learn that we are not alone with the problems that we faced by being shunned, as I have experienced this evening as I had to take our eldest son to A&E, and sat waiting was a 'sister' she looked straight through me, now she was someone who whenever she saw me, greeted with a hug, but tonight she ignored me, but I learnt later from my son that she smiled and waved at him as we walked by, so that is why we need this site and to know that others are being treated the same way throughout the whole world.

  So thanks to the clever clogs Simon who created this site for people just like us!!!!

  Lots of regards to you and keep posting we all need each other to keep going, and to keep smiling...BIG GRIN

  Mrs Nightwarrior(the boss)
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  Scully

  xjw_b12....... sorry...... I have this tendency to type waaaaaaayyyyyyy too much here!! LOL

  Love, Scully

  PS: You have mail (both you and calamity jane).
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  dottie

  HI and welcome!

  I am in the exact same position...I spend alot of time here as well(anyone can attest to that)! My hubby has no clue of religion not just the JW's so when I'm mad or upset about something...he has no clue. That can be so irritating, so I take advantage & vent here and it helps.. I don't think he's overly annoyed with me coming here, just I spend wayy to much time in chat LOL

  well welcome and drop by to chat or you can email me privately if you would like to vent as well

  Take care,

  Dottie
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  Curious Mind

  I agree with what everyone else has said.

  As its quite obvious, we're knew it the board and discovered it quite by accident by Mr CM. Its no so much re-living your experiences as a JW, its the comfort that offered by not having to believe that we're the only ones having a crisis of faith, whether past or present. Its also a way of venting your speen about the injustice we have all suffered in one form or another.

  Perhaps the biggest thing the board offers is the opportunity to find like minded people, and no doubt you partner wouldn't understand how people you have known your whole life can without any hesitation ignore you can treat you as dead. Its a hard thing to create an entire life, replace friends and family, start family traditions, and enjoy what life has to offer. Indeed many have to 'catch up' financially because their spent their adult working life 'living simply' and not 'getting carried away with the showing things of life' working as window washers in order to spend more time in field service. So theres much for a XJW to do and laughing at yourself is the most healing and a way to put your experience in perspective, afterall we werent the only ones....... and you can than GOD for that!!!!

  Cheers Curious Mind
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  yumbby

  If this site was only a site where people only bashed witnesses or even only talked about religion, I'd get bored with it quick. Its a place where a lot of really neat people gather to talk.. about whatever... that understand each other because of similiar backgrounds and experiences.