ATTN: JW'S...WHERE IS YOUR LOVE???????

by Jacqueline 26 Replies latest jw experiences

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  Jacqueline

  Where is the love that the SOCIETYclaims is amongst it's people?

  I began studying January 2001. I had met a JW man that I truly fell in love with and found that I would at least look into the religion to see if it was for me. I began studying with his sister, till she consciously no longer felt that she could continue studying with me, due to the fact that she did not approve of her brother dating me, since I was not a JW.

  I then immediately began studying 2 times per week with the circut overseer's wife. I attended all 5 meetings per week, having to attend two separate Kingdom Halls due to my schedule. Well the meeting attendance stayed strong until the Elders disapproved of my attending two separate Halls and requested that I only attend one Hall for all meetings. (I got the impression, that they could not keep their "eye" on my progress if I attended two different Halls...too confusing of a circumstance for the Elders to keep up with!) I never did attend the Hall which my boyfriend attended...I knew that would raise too many alarms! The Elders were fully aware that my boyfriend and I were seeing each other...they just were not aware how serious of a relationship we were building. Elders told my boyfriend to disassociate with me, until I was baptized.

  I completed the Knowledge book in 6 months. Needless to say, the first 6 months were very lonely...as they expected me to disassociate with all of my "worldy" friends, but yet none of the JW's would have anything to do with me because they did not believe my intentions were for the right reason. Fortunately my boyfriend stuck by my side and remained my friend...as a matter of fact, my only friend.

  My boyfriend and I were married shortly after I completed the Knowledge book. His entire JW family did attend the wedding...but they did not approve of our marriage.

  Due to job transfer we moved to another city approx. 4 hours away...immediatley following wedding. I was anticipating the relocation and a new Hall. I was excited to know that since I had already "caught" and married the man I wanted....then people would realize once and for all that I was studying for the right reason after all.

  After the relocation, I immediately began studying the United in Worship book, with a sister I met in the new Hall. My husband and I also attended all 5 meetings for approx. 15 months. During that time we kept searching for good association, only to be shunned. I was beginning to realize that I had been shunned from the very first day I stepped into a Kingdom Hall. I would deliver to their homes, freshly made pastries and baked goods to fellow JW's. I would visit and bring reading material to bed ridden JW's. But I was not receiving any acknowledgements in return. I was giving everything of myself...and not receiving anything but a cordial "hello", from fellow JW's after meetings.

  I offered any association...even begging to ride in car groups. I was denied riding in car groups, every time. They always told me that I was not ready to go out into service. I knew that I was not ready for service...but just wanted to ride in the car for the association, as I was not getting it anywhere else. It was a new community we were living in, I had no "worldly" friends there, and I definately had no JW friends either.

  Well, it has been 2 years now since I began studying. I still have not 1 JW associate, except for my husband. My husband grew up in the Truth (what he believes is the truth and what I believed was the truth...till recently) and he has seen the shunning treatment I have received. He is standing up for me to the Elders, as the Elders have began to come questioning why we are not attending meetings anymore.

  So I ask the JW's who visit this site...(against the society's regulations)....WHERE IS THE LOVE YOUR GOVERNING BODY CLAIMS THAT YOU ALL HAVE?

  I have seen no love...no encouragement...no uplifting...no NOTHING!

  Yes, I am angered...angered over the fact that I was deceived by the Governing Body, Secret Slave, The Society, who reassured me by articles and publications and assemblies and talks at meetings, that I would be loved and accepted as one of Jehovah's people. Well, I was not loved or accepted by any of you, except by my husband.

  My husband has been the most wonderful friend to me. I love him so dearly much. He is begining to wander away from the society...he is able to see what has happened to me and it has opened his eyes a little.
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  Introspection

  Jacqueline, I'm afraid I'm no longer a JW, though being neither disfellowshipped nor disassociated, I guess I can play one.. Actually I've always been playing one, I just know that now.

  The thing is, truth and love has to come together. The problem with the JW mindset is that they think the truth is the stuff they have in their head, but what I mean by truth is simply what's around you - this computer you're looking at, your friends and those close to you - concrete realities nobody would argue with.

  When you love out of an idea, especially whacked out ideas - then all you really love is ideas. When you just look at what's true, a friend, a flower or whatever, the love arises out of NATURAL AFFECTION - (note the verbiage straight from the NWT) not some ideas you have in your head. And just as you did, Jacqueline, the love translated into real actions. The sad thing is, when someone on the receiving end is not in truth, they can't appreciate it. You, however, have found a love in your life and other people who love you, even if they are just people who talk with you through a message board on the internet. Notwithstanding a bit of peer pressure on the part of local elders, I would say you are very lucky. You know what's important, but those men are still infatuated with an organization that has obviously been devoid of love for some time.
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  HoChiMin

  Jacqueline;

  Your observations are amazingly familiar to many here. When a genuine caring person is newly studying you must tone down your real feelings and play their game or the JWs become jealous you may get more attention then them. This can be worked by them from two angles, one their jealousy, and the other you cant appear to be looking for attention. As infantile as that may seem it is some insight into the JW mindset.

  Another possibility is the letter that followed you to the new congregation can set the mood for the reception you received. All details of any nuance of your life the sending elders felt could help the new congregation council you would be in the letter. Word of this spreads fast because you pose no legal threat to them such as a pedophile would, and we know they keep that quiet.

  Welcome to the discussion group, stay around and observe. Be patient with your husband if hes been in a long time it could take longer to adjust to being lied to for such a long time.

  HCM
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  blondie

  Jacqueline, it is not in that organization. There may be a few individuals that practice true Christlike love among the JWs but the others all have spirit in the congregations that is perfectionistic always looking for flaws in others, reasons to avoid association.

  I have looked for love among the JWS for 50 years as a baptized JW, and it is actually worse now that it was in the past. There are more phonies than ever. No one admits being flawed because JWs must strive to be perfect.

  Perfectionists often miss the fact that our imperfection reveals our need for Christ.

  Perfectionists are notorious for equating their worth with their performance, but God loves us regardless of our behavior or success.

  Blondie

  Edited by - Blondie on 25 January 2003 8:58:55
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  DakotaRed

  I feel many people may become JWs with a lot of love in their hearts, as you did, Jacqueline. Sadly, they seem to get so wrapped up trying to appease the Watchtower and follow every little nit picking "suggestion" and "new thought" that comes along, that love seems to fade away.

  I became a JW similar to how you did, studying, attending meetings, even going out in service as an unbaptized publisher, then on to baptism. At meetings, it was all smiles and welcomes and encouragment to do the JW thing. After baptism, I met a younger JW sister, recently baptised herself and we ended up getting married.

  Almost immediately the troubles with the JWs and elders started. She had 3 children of her own and as in most all step families, the beginning is troublesome with new arrangements. Her 8 year old son (then, now 17) learned right away any and everything he said was considered gospel truth and he relished in the idea of his own power. The elders failed to see that he was telling each opposite things about me, they just kept on counseling me, interfering in the household. Nothing I said mattered and eventually, all the hassles made me just quit going. The shunning settled in, except for when I was to be "counseled" again in my house, ending up with me throwing two elders out of the house. They tried to have a judicial hearing for me, but I fought them and they backed off. A year later, I got so disgusted with the mess, I DA'd.

  The dub wife switched congregations, but the problems just went with her. Her hew dub friends were all friendly as can be, until the found out I was DA'd. During ghe time they didn't kow, I never talked down the JWs, the Watchtower or tried to stop her from going to meetings. I even researched and defended them online, pretty strongly too, I might add (as some who used to know me on AOL would attest). After finding out I was DA'd, the shunning set in in earnest, to the point they would shun me in my house and even expect me to leave the room when they came over.

  This didn't set well with me and I let it be known that any who couldn't be cordial or friendly to all in the house, weren't welcome. The dub wife was livid over this, even asking the elders if I were permitted to do that. They told her yes, what other choice did they have? She and I argued over it, her saying I knew what to expect when I wrote the DA letter and me telling her that if the situation were reversed, I would take the same stance, just as your hubby as done with you.

  When the few that still came by continued shunning me inside my home, I then let it be known that they were no longer welcome in the house, don't stop by. Within a matter of days, we were separated and are now divorced.

  So, where is the love? There isn't any. Just blind adherence to a publishing company and their every whim. They even destroy the love between husband and wife, parent and child, long time friends, and in all. To be loving means you cannot be following their every whim, so it must go. The only love allowed is love of the Watchtower.

  Lew W
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  SYN

  Excellent post, Jacqueline. Accounts like this are common on this board - you will find a lot of support here.
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  ESTEE

  (((((Jacqueline)))))

  I'm sooo sorry to hear how badly you were treated by the jws, honey. . .

  You precious sweetheart. . .

  It may help to remember. . .That is THEIR game . . . and you may choose to play . . . or not play.

  The choice is yours. . .and if hubby is seeing the light . . .well, that is just awesome! You may choose to both stop playing . . . and start to live YOUR life!!!

  Love ya,

  ESTEE
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  zev

  Jacqueline

  i read your other thread this morning, the elders will be here, and this one also. i just felt i had to say something.

  i've always had a problem with the lack of love. it started way back for me, and at 19 (i was raised in the cult) i broke down, because i didn't have any friends. it was humiliating. here i was 19 years old, and felt so damned alone. no one really seemed to give a crap about me. no one called me up and said, lets have a beer. and the one "friend" i somewhat had at the time, unknown to me then, tryed to molest my sister. he was the one i broke down in front of, he and my father.

  i didn't feel the love that we preached we had.

  as time moved forward, it got a little better, i moved to a different area where the people were different. in time though i saw what i had seen right along. a coldness, that disturbed me. i didn't talk about it at all. i thought maybe, it was me. my attitude, my way as a human being, maybe i just turned people away. a few did get close to me. and i had a few "freinds". but what kind of friends became evident after i left. not one of my former friends speaks to me. even though they could, without anyone knowing. some friends.

  as i was doing my research and making decisions over the last year i was still "in", i confided in my mom. she told me some things and has even up to now still tells me things that bother her. i worry about my parents. they are inactive, and i have tried to warn her, the elders will be coming.

  i'd have to say that the biggest reason my 3 sisters, and my mom and dad drifted away (thank GOD they did!) its because of the LACK OF LOVE shown in that so called "christian" cult.

  i still worry they (my parents) might get sucked back in. my mom feels closer to god if she attends a meeting. to her that is worship to god, and brings her closer. she can't seem to find it in herself to do this on her own, and develop that relationship away from an organized format. something that the jw's instilled deep inside her, that she's having a hard time coping with i'm afraid.

  she and dad have been through allot health wise. yet over MANY years, no one seemed to care. that bothered my mom deeply. it still does right now. which is why if they do show up at her door, she might boot their @$$#S right out the door.

  in my expeirence in life, and leaving the cult, i have to say that i have met more loving caring honest to goodness christians in "the world" than i ever met as a member of the cult.

  the most loving, caring, person i have ever met, is my best friend in the world and more. many people spend a lifetime trying to find that "one" person, the one person in this world that makes all the difference, that is so special, the one you say is your soulmate. this is the one person in the world, that the words "i love you" will never say enough to. she is the only person that could ever make me feel that i am not a complete person without her. that person is Gwen (somebody).

  it seems to me from what i read in your posts that you have something special between you and your husband. please don't let this cult divide what you have together. whatever you decide to do, do it together and don't let these elders divide the two of you.

  your getting some fine replies to your posts, and some great advise.

  i hope all goes well with your meetings with the elders, and that you can show them what a real true christian is.

  it isn't being a publisher for a non-prophet print factory, thats for sure.
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  bigfloppydog

  So sorry Jacqueline that you and hubby are going through this kind of treatment, especially you who has whole-heartedly put an effort forth to become apart of an org. that seems to only want to shun you. Plain and short, why waste your time and your hubbies time making an effort to be part of this org. who has shown you that they really do not show love. You and hubby may consider not putting more of your time and effort into something that seems futile. You will find many people here willing to openly share your love and concerns. Welcome. For one thing if their concern is based on making sure that you become a good christian, than it would not matter which or how many congregations you attend, Their concern would be that you receive as much spiritual encouragement as you could get. I sounds like they just want to control you, Which cong. to attend, etc. and to disallow you to go out in service in a car group, seems to be a slap in your face. Do what makes you happy for you and your hubby. Life is to short to pussy-foot around with such people.
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  Shakita

  Jacqueline,

  The JW's are very judgemental and harsh. They initially may give the appearance of being God's loving organization, but in due time their ugliness comes out for all to see. In your case, since you were not already a JW, you were looked down on. All JW's are encouraged to marry only in the lord according to 1 Corinthians 7. So, when you and your JW boyfriend became serious, the elders and others immediately distrusted you and maligned your reputation. Even though you faithfully followed the JW program to the letter, because you were never a JW and wanted to marry a jw, you would never win. You and your husband would always be looked down upon no matter how hard you sincerely tried to be a loving, kind and caring Christian.

  Ask yourself this Jacqueline, Do you think Jesus would be this intrusive and overbearing towards his followers? It would never happen. Jesus valued people and elevated them from their downtrodden status. He saw the good in people and always strived to give them the benefit of the doubt. When did you ever see Jesus sticking his nose into matters of marriage?

  The JW's fail miserably when it comes to showing true love to their brothers and sisters and to those that are not yet JW's. They are also violating Jesus command not to judge others. They judged you Jacqueline. At Matthew 7:1,2, Jesus said: "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, amd with the measure you use, it will be measured out to you."

  Just be glad that you found this out after only having spent a couple of years among them. Imagine spending 25 years or more with these people and finding out that everything that you have believed is a lie. Please get on with your life. Pursue things that will make you and your husband happy. Don't let others control you. You have the right to choose what you are going to do in life without the unwelcome, intrusive, manipulative control of the elders and The Watchtower Society. I hope that things will go well with you and your husband. Please let us know how things are going.

  Mr. Shakita