OT- Anybody here share joint physical custody?

by unbeliever 11 Replies latest jw friends

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  unbeliever

  I am asking this for a friend of mine (not a JW) who does not have computer access at home. I figured I would ask since there is so many people who post here.

  She is going thru a divorce and the judge said they have to share joint legal and physical custody. They will each get the child 50% of the time. The judge said they had 15 business days to submit a schedule to the court and if they didn't he would make the schedule himself.

  The child is 3 1/2. My friend wants to do a 4/3 schedule and then alternate. Her soon to be X wants 2 weeks on/off with a mid week 3 hour visit. She thinks seeing him only 3 hours a week while he is with his father is not enough time. The father says with the 4/3 schedule the child will have to move around too much. Both make valid points.

  Anybody have this kind of arrangement? What kind of schedule worked best for you? I told them to go to a mediator but there to broke (lawyer fees). She says any suggestions are welcome.
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  kelpie

  Hi Unbeliever

  My partner and I are going through the same situation at the moment... We are hoping the judge will look in favor for us and give us joint custody. At the moment he only sees the kids every second weekend.

  We want to have them week about.. One week she has them and one week we have them.. Our solicitor tells us that that is the most common arrangement.

  We have just applied for mediation and it costs $50.00 (Aus) to do it. I think mediation is well worth it because it keeps courts out of the way..

  In australia, if it reached court and they hadnt had mediation, the court would order it and it would be for free.

  Keep us up to date (email me if need be) because my partner is worried that he will not get 50/50 which sucks because they are as much his kids as hers.

  Kelps (of the hates the justice system at the moment class)
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  SixofNine

  We do one week each. I think that is the only really logical way, since you can't split a week evenly, and the shorter durations are just too hectic for the child. Even longer periods would be fine IMO (ie: 2 weeks, etc.) provided there was alot of contact with the other parent during those periods.

  I worked with a man from Denmark this past week who had an arrangement of 9/5, which he said worked well for their particular schedule. He has open access to the child during the 9 day period anyway, which is what is important. The child will even come stay with his girlfriend and their child when he is away (which is sometimes for long durations), just because he feels like that is his family too, and misses them.

  When we first divorced, we tried 4/3, and tried to find a way to make it even. It was just too confusing. My ex suggested shorter periods, but I pushed her to think longer, one week, and that has worked great from the start.

  4/3 is too short, imo, but I can see where she would not be comfortable with two weeks. I don't see why the husband would want to limit the mid week visit to three hours though? It might work well if she could spend a day.

  When it comes to real world living, he and she will both appreciate having a flexible schedule with the ex so they can go out with friends, have a date, go out of town for the weekend, etc.

  Even if they hate each other now.
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  Witch Child

  I am in this situation myself. Our schedule is; kids with me 9:00am Monday-5:00pm Thursday, with their dad 5pm Thursday-9am Monday. I also get 8 extra 24 hour days throughout the year to make up the time deficit. (I get them holidays and birthdays) I absolutely couldn't bear to have them gone for more than a few days straight... I really feel bad for your friend. Right now I am trying to obtain one weekend a month so I can actually spend some time with them. (they are in school) I think your friend will find that if she complies with any half time agreement eventually her ex will get tired of it and will likely start giving her more time with the kid. My ex is hyper commited to the kids and even he is tired. He has asked many times if I could take the kids extra so he could have a break... I have a few times but only to camp out in the hospital when loved ones have been sick or dying.

  I wish her all the best.

  ~Witch
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  unbeliever

  kelpie

  They have been fighting it out in court for almost a year. The judge has already determined they will share custody. Its just a matter of coming up with a schedule they works best for them. I agree that 2 weekends a month is not enough. My cousin had to fight like hell to get his kids 12 days/nights per month. It pissed off his ex big time because in his state if you have your kids more than 40% of the time you get a major reduction in child support. She did not like it when it was cut in half.

  Good luck on getting joint custody!!
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  SixofNine

  Witch Child's post reminded me of the other sucky thing about 4/3: you either have to keep switching it around (which is a nightmare of organization), or someone is always going to have the children on the weekends, and of course, the other never does. No one wants that.
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  talley

  Hubby had a cousin that divorced and they solved it by keeping the children in the original family house, the parents both got effeciency appartments ( or shacked up with lover...whatever) and each had to stay with the children alone at the childrens' home every other week.

  That way the child has a permanant home where he/she belongs and all the kid stuff is.
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  unbeliever

  SixofNine that's true about the weekend thing. I think one week on/off would be the ideal arrangement. Who knows what they will come up with.

  wow talley I have never heard of that one. I don't think they can afford that arrangement. It sure would be nice though.

  Edited by - unbeliever on 27 January 2003 20:32:30
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  pettygrudger

  My ex & I split - one week on/one week off - with liberal phone calls in between......this has worked since he was 2 & he's 16 now.

  It takes alot of work, but this is the nicest arrangement for the child that I can think of....the only problem comes up when 1 parent wants to move - alot of "issues" rear their heads. But, if both parents are keeping the child's welfare as the most important thing, everything works out (even if it means sacrifice).
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  kelpie

  the only problem comes up when 1 parent wants to move - alot of "issues" rear their heads.

  In Australia, you can put in the contract that if either parent wants to move more then 45 minutes away they loose their joint share of the visitation unless the parent that moved wants to pay for all transportation costs.