New Hobby turns out to be great recovery

by LyinEyes 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    The other nite , I was sitting listening to old music , and decided while I was listening, to go thru a box of photos I had under the desk. THese pictures are from many years to current , just not put in albums yet.

    I decided , since I was feeling a little upset about something dealing with my oldest son, to dig up his baby pictures and when he was a kid. As I was listening to the music and looking at these pics the flood gates of a mothers tears from her heart came pouring out, they hurt and they felt good at the same time. I realized how fortunate I am to be a mother, to mean so much to someone eles, and to watch that little boy grow into a man, and not need me as much. For the saddness I felt at losing my little man, I saw in the more current pictures, a happy, confident , great looking young man . The tears even turned to laughter at some of the pics of him, and the things he did, looking at those pictures took me right back to that place in time.

    I treasure my pictures more than diamonds that is for sure,and to me it is a little hobby of taking pictures, even posing my kids , getting just the right background , etc. I have pics of our travels to the mountains, the kids playing , the kids growing.

    So I decide to make each kid an album just for them, from birth to the age they are now, carefully choosing pictures that spoke a thousand words of their personalities.

    Well, the hours passed and the music played on, I did an album of my daughter and then of my youngest son. Then I did one of me and then one of my hubby. It was fun yet sad looking at all those babies pics , the years that have gone by.

    Funny thing I noticed, in most of the pics we are all smiling. It seems that when pictures are taken of someone they look into the lens and bare their soul of who they really are. I did my album last and I thought it might be hard to look at mine, being that my mother has passed and my dad is not in my life.

    But it felt good to remember the good times, I am glad I have those pictures to remind me that my childhood wasnt total hell all the time. Again for a moment in time, I got to feel like I was back with my mom , laying on a blanket in the back yard, playing with the dog. That is how I want to remember her. I have an album started of her but stopped several years ago. I am going to get it back out and finish it, sad but her album will have an end before all others, but it will end in a tribute to her , more than the pain I felt when I started it.

    Even looking at the pics of me and my dad, riding a motor cycle together, me on the back, and holding him so tightly, like he was my safety, made me smile. I have one of us on vacation in a pool having a floaty race and we are looking at each other with laughing out loud. These are moments I choose to treasure. I guess it made me realise that at one time I was precious to him.

    I looked at the pictures of myself and saw a little girl who went thru alot but was so resiliant. Nothing was going to stop me from laughing, from living my life, from my quest to be happy despite the trouble in our house. I looked at these pictures and remember , even thou I am smiling , I remember the day,,,,like the one when my mom came home from one of her nervous breakdown episodes in the hospital,you know those spa like ones. I remember being so mad at her , but I needed her and I missed her. I tried to be so strong for my little sister, and to comfort her, I had to be strong or my dad would not have it. Now I look back on that picture and I can cry for the little girl who really needed a hug back then. I guess I can say , I went back to that time and told the truth to myself , that it was ok to feel sad and alone, and it was not the end of the world to be mad at your mom for leaving you .

    I guess I understand now when my kids see me down, either sick or in pain where I can't do what I want to, always when they want it. I can see both sides now, as a child and as a mother.

    This little hobby turned out to be so healing to me. It made me see the wonderful things in my life , that every life has beauty in it , even if things are not perfect.

    I showed my oldest son , who is alot like me emotionally, the pictures and we both had tears in our eyes....... especailly the albums with the two younger children in them, He really got emotional looking at how time flys and later that night his sister walked in the room and he said,,,,,,"Kelly.. I love you"..... she came to me and said what is wrong with Jake, he just said he loved me....??LOL

    I know why he said it, it is the same way I feel. Looking at our family, makes everything eles fall into second place.

  • sf
    sf

    {{You sure need this hug}}

    Thank you for sharing this Dede. It brought tears to my eyes. I miss my childhood terribly. I even yearn for it at times. It is extremely painful. Yet, I find if I just allow the flow of feelings (grief processing), the anger of having it snatched out from underneath me by the GB, passes and production ensues.

    Keep trekkin' girl.

    sKally, who can not forgive her yet, klass

  • Mary
    Mary

    I realized how fortunate I am to be a mother, to mean so much to someone eles, and to watch that little boy grow into a man

    Always treasure that. I cannot have children now and it bothers me more than I can say.

  • waiting
    waiting

    As my mom got older, she made me keeper of the old photos. Was glad to do that. But I never look at the ones of our family, especially my pets. Too painful.

    But there are others - older pictures. My grandmother as a young girl. Her mother as a young woman. The men in those geeky wool 2-piece swimsuits. Those are neat.

    The gazillion pictures of my kids. Those are great.

    As my kids became teenagers, I made albums for myself- and put all the extras in a wicker case. My kids know they're free to take any pictures from the wicker case - and have been doing so for over 15 yrs now.

    Interestingly enough, when they come to visit......the wicker case always comes out. The albums seldom do.

    waiting

  • LyinEyes
    LyinEyes

    SF thanks for the hug.......

    Mary I am so sorry about that, I am sorry to hear how much it hurts you. I know if I didnt have children, for whatever reason, I would shower my neices and nephews more, but my hands are kind of full right now.

    In fact before my oldest son was even thought of,,,,,,, my sister in law was pregnant with my neice, Rachel, when she was born, I took her over,,,,,lol. I adored that baby, I just love babies and kids, so it was easy to love her, it made me want one of my own even more, although I was only 19 when I decided all of this.

    I love my neice like she is my daughter,,,,, and always will.

    I will miss my kids so much when they all leave the nest , I will probably be so lost feeling. I think I will try and be a temp foster mom, like for emergencies situations when the child needs to have a place right away, even at 3 am. But I don't want to keep a child longer than 2 weeks or I will get too attached, even 2 weeks may be too long. Not so sure I want to do this for a very long time thou, this is when I am alot older and don't care to go out dancing and doing the things my hub and I never got to do , since having children. I wouldnt want it any other way. But I try to look on the future and the good things to come, since their leaving home will hurt alot, just knowing our family is not all under one roof anymore. I will probably still have my pug dog thou. He is like one of the kids to me.

  • waiting
    waiting

    (((((((((((((((((((Mary))))))))))))))))))))))

    "I wouldn't take a million dollars for any of my kids. And I wouldn't give a plug nickel for another one." Unknown Mother ( I think most parents know that quote by heart.)

    And there have been times - even years - I would have cheerfully offered them to any passerby. Thankfully, I survived those years, although not mentally intact.

    But I understand your post. Take care.

    waiting

  • Guest 77
    Guest 77

    Healing and comfort comes in many strange ways, I'm happy for you. My wife is a 'deeply' concerned mother. Like you, she has individual photo albums of each child, except me, but that's OK, I'm a big boy. Drawing comfort and happiness is a must for personal survival and to keep one's sanity. Good day.

    Guest 77

  • ESTEE
    ESTEE

    ((((((((((LyinEyes))))))))))

    I decide to make each kid an album just for them, from birth to the age they are now, carefully choosing pictures that spoke a thousand words of their personalities.

    Awwwwwww!. . . What a wonderful idea! . . . And beautiful sentiments expressed from a loving and nurturing mom! What a touching post!!

    Love ya Dede!

    Esther

  • beckyboop
    beckyboop

    ((((((((((((((((((((((DEDE)))))))))))))))))))))))))

    It's kind of funny sometimes, how much you and I seem so similar. I too have a great love of pictures, and they are very healing to me as well. I am a nanny, and gave the children I took care of albums of all the fun and exciting things we did. I ALWAYS get doubles of my prints so that I can give the other set away to friends and family as gifts.

    I'm sorry that you were down about your son in the first place, but I'm glad you found a healing outlet. Isn't that what it's all about--finding a healthy release for our troubles? I think pictures are wonderful because they truly capture the moment in time, and then we can look back at all the happy times and remember/recapture the feeling.

    I have thorougly enjoyed the picture thread here--and I think one of my favorites was of you and WT when you were teenagers. What a history the two of you must share!

    Thanks for sharing--as always I enjoyed your post.

    Love,

    Becky

  • Golden Girl
    Golden Girl

    Dede...I am doing the same thing. I am making albums for the kids. I have 3 but they are all in ther 40's now. I recently had to quit because of my hubby's illness. It hurt too much right now to see some of those memories......but I have them all ready to continue when I feel better...The kids saw some of what I was working on and were so happy. My oldest one is getting her second album.

    My one problem is I have a X daughter in law that I love very much. I need to give the album to my son but I want her to have it also. She has the grandchildren most of the time. That is tearing me up till I find a solution. Maybe I will just get some of the better ones copied and make another for her???...Just do a little at a time so it won't be so expensive?

    And I am starting a new album for my son and his new wife....They just gave me their wedding pictures...

    Going through old pctures sure brings back the memories doesn't it....

    I need about 10 boxes of kleenex.........

    Snoozy...

    Edited by - Golden Girl on 29 January 2003 23:28:48

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