by OlderTom 50 Replies latest jw friends
Hester:
My feeble attempts at humor have gotten me in trouble twice on this single thread. The Watchtower articles I cited were ficticious, although similar to zillions most of us have studied over the years.
My point was that beautiful words do not mask ugly actions.
Sorry, again, for not expressing myself clearly.
TMS
Older Tom: Yep, the WTS needlessly contributes to breaking up families. And, those families that are together in the organization, are often not all that happy. They may stay together for the sdake of the organization, but it is often just appearances. The only tru bond that the WTS effectively manages to strengthen and extol is love for the organization, a lifeless, human creation that has no purpose but to propagate itself. - Amazing
To Older Tom:
Hi: I totally agree that it does break up families.
It absolutely just breaks my heart to read your experience and those of so many on this thread. I appreciate the sarcastic humour you use to describe how those 'friends' acted just as they have been taught to. Their "fruits" are rotten, from a rotten tree. You seem to have a good grip on getting over it but we all know how deep these wounds run and the affect they have on our lives always remains. You lost association with your children because of the truth but "gained a new family" as proof of being in the "truth" and now your "new family" finds it acceptable to stab you in the back. How disgraceful! Glad you are here to offer us your experience and insights.
TO Hester Pryne:
Welcome to this family! Your story just adds to my confirmation that I am doing the right thing by not associating.
I appreciate the 'name' you go by. I too went through the 1980's 'witch hunts' that were carried on in the name of cleansing the org much like what Hester had to endure at the hands of the Puritans. (I was df'd even though I was repentant and lost the close friendship of one I thought was my dearest friend because to be df'd meant you weren't repentant and that was "proof" of my attitude). When I tried to get an elder to explain it to me when I was reinstated, he just said "Leave it alone. Just go on from here". Trouble is, all that is, is a dirty bandage covering a wound that won't heal.
I too just shake my head in disbelief when I keep reading more and more experiences of how many families have been torn apart by this "so-called only religion preaching the truth".
Please don't feel you're whining when you express yourself. You will find most have listening ears and much needed words of encouragement. Wounds heal much better with the soothing ointment of kindness.
Each day I am more convinced I've...
Had Enough
To Esmeralda:
Just wanted to say Thank You for all the encouragement I have received from your posts. To my first post a month ago, you said:
This board is a great place to help you ease yourself back into life after the BOrg. We've all been through one issue or another, and someone here will be able to relate to your experience and help you over the rough spots. Funny, isn't it? We don't shun anyone here.
Those words above and your own personal tragedies you've shared with us, just encourage me to keep on going even though I feel like I'm stuck in limbo. My surviving parent, sibling and one of my children are all still active members. It just saddens me so much to hear how your family treats you. I just don't think I could bear that right now. I know they would shun me if I made a clean break and da'd myself because they shun my da'd son in the name of helping him to see the error of his ways. So I just carry on doing nothing and stewing over wanting to fix everything and can't. The borg just ties our hands.
Thank you again for all your encouragement. It helps!
Had Enough
Hi uni girl and welcome:
You are right on the mark when you said no mother or son (or any family member) should have to pretend each other doesn’t exist. I was raised in the “truth” believing whole-heartedly that we were so privileged to be the only religion worshiping God in the only acceptable way but I couldn’t bear to treat my family like that.
To larc:
I feel so saddened by your situation. I’ve read many of your posts and appreciate your expressions so much. I hope all goes well with you and your mrs with the elders seeking you out. Hopefully it’s just for a shepherding call to encourage you back to the meetings. I am in the same position (although I haven’t been away as long) and I too fear making it “official” because my family would feel it necessary to shun me too. I don’t know how anyone endures that. At least here you and all of us will not be totally left all alone.
To TMS:
What a terrible situation to be put in by an org. that boasts that its identifying fruitage is love. I feel for your experience with your son and how the elders removed your privileges. My own beloved father had his over-40 years as an elder washed down the tubes because he too took in his df’d daughter (me) who had no where to live until I could find a job.
You are right on when you say that those beautiful words do not mask ugly actions. I too lapped up the pretty picture of a unified org. gushing forth love and justice and had bountiful words of wisdom on how to have a happy family life only to have that pretty picture smashed to bits.
No wonder I've...
Had Enough
I don't think anymore that the WT breaks up families as much as it separates personalities. Open hearts.........closed ones. Independent souls .......... co-dependent souls. Once in a while I miss my family but when I see people look at me with disgust and no reason for it other than another person telling them this is the righteous thing to do and God approves of it, I pity them. I have since adopted a more loving and tolerant family of friends. These have been such a blessing at times when blood and family love was thinner than the veneer christianity it was supposed to be a fruitage of. "having no natural affection" ring a bell?
Just had to reply to these words from Had Enough:
"My own beloved father had his over-40 years as an elder washed down the tubes because he too took in his df’d daughter (me) who had no where to live until I could find a job."
______________________________________________________________________
There is a Watchtower reference(I do not have the energy to look it up), deferring to the right of a family head to take a df'd offspring in, based on psychological, financial or other considerations that would pose a threat to that descendant's survival. I made it clear to the body of elders that I was exercising that "loophole" and no one said a word.
But, again, this type of reference, in actual practice, is merely spin. There is a time-honored elder principle: Your conscience may permit you to do something(see voting), but OUR consciences may not permit us to recommend you for special privileges.
Thus, a father who takes in a disfellowshipped son or daughter, regardless of the circumstances, is committing organizational suicide.
TMS
Older Tom,
Good thread!
TMS,
I went back and reread your original post and could see the irony you intended now. Sorry, it was taken wrong.
I haven't welcomed you to the board before and hope this misunderstanding doesn't deter you--your posts are realy good.
Patio
Patio says:
"I'd rather have questions I can't answer than questions I can't ask (or answers I can't question)."
#######
this is one quote that is so powerful when talking to a NONJW- i shared this with a person just today who has a friend who is trying to get out of wt the right way
and this concept of NOT QUESTIONING is so deep
just my 2
james
To all,
I've always thought I had left the borg behind when I stopped attending at the ripe old age of 14. Little did I realize that Jehovah's Witnesses would haunt me forever. Since my parents are still in , issues come up frequently.
Currently my daughters are thinking about their weddings. If they are in a church their grandparents can't attend. It's too bad that a couple has to think about adjusting their wedding plans to accomodate JW's. Recently my niece had her baby shower. It was decided that it was best to exclude me because of my being da'd. My neices mother (also JW) and my mother we going to be there. My neice was really upset over it but she had no say as her mother was hostessing the party.
A lot of unnecessary burden is put on people by JW's. It seems they manage to taint every family situation. At funerals it has always been left to my brothers and I to explain to people why my parents sit in the hallway....even at my grandpa (mom's dad) and my daughters funerals. Personally I didn't feel much like explaining about my parents beliefs at either of those times. Wopuld it be awful at times like that to lead the inquiring person to my parents and let my parents explain. Since I am shunned there will be a new set of questions coming my way at the next family function.
