The good, the bad and the ugly.

by Etude 11 Replies latest jw experiences

  • Etude
    Etude

    I had posted some comments on another thread about good and bad Witnesses in response to a request, but I think I waited too long and the thread died before anyone read post. I'd like to start a new thread just to share some of my experiences, particularly at Bethel. Here's the previous post:

    I did time in Bethel from 2/74 for about 2 and a half years. I remember the "New Boy" talk, which was delivered by Knorr. I remember his welcoming comments about how this was our home. But not a few sentences later, he told us that we couldn't as much as hang a picture on a wall of our room without permission from the Home Overseer. I remember him emphasizing, not so much that we maintain our promise to serve for 4 years, but that he wished that we make Bethel our life time goal. He pointed out as examples several brothers that had done that, among them, his right-hand boy, Fred Franz. It didn't take me long to realize that a lot of the ways things were done at Bethel were directly influenced by him (Knorr). For example, it's my impression that Knorr had a vision of what a Bethelite's appearance should be. I was "strongly encouraged" to shave my mustache off, even though it was basically left up to one as a matter of conscience (as if it was really a choice). I really don't know what the reason was. I just know that if you didn't, you were then branded a B.A. (bad attitude) and were not given "privileges". That view might have been associated with the "clean image" that Knorr had in mind or perhaps with the fact that he felt that others in the "world" looked like that (had mustaches), especially in Brooklyn Heights.

    I stayed there long enough to witness the repeal of the "four-year sentence" and was able to leave after 2 and a-half years without reproach. But not before I had the "education" of a lifetime. I was rather sheltered and naive and because of my time at Bethel, I had a very fast and hard awakening. [] The majority of time I spent at Bethel was so traumatic for me that it has taken me years just to be able to talk about it. "Talk" is probably not the right term since I have never talked to anyone about my stay there. I have recently written an account of my entire experiences as a JW and would like to include a paragraph that discusses some issues found in this thread. Sorry for being so verbose:

    At Bethel, the "Brothers" were very conscious of our looks to the point that it was discouraged for us to wear blue jeans during our personal time on the street, mostly because the homosexuals in the area seemed to wear them too. On one occasion, I remember being in my room at the as yet not remodeled roach-infested Towers Hotel. There were no direct phones since the Watchtower Society had not yet purchased the hotel and was only renting several floors while the deal was being completed. There were, however, hall phones that connected to the main hotel switchboard. If I got a call from my family, at 124 Columbia Heights (there was no way to call the hotel directly for a connection to me), the switchboard at Bethel would call the Towers Hotels main switchboard. The hotel attendant in turn would ring the hall phone on my floor. Someone would pick it up and knock on my room door. I would go to the hall phone were I would be informed that I had a call at the front desk at 124 Columbia Heights. I then would have to get dressed and run a bit more than 2 long New York City blocks so that I could get my call. On one of those occasions, I happened to meet brother Knorr who was also headed for the front door to enter the main lobby. My clothes and hair were in disarray since I arrived running on that cool breezy morning, after being in bed, having finished the night shift at the factory. What impressed me was his look of disdain and disapproval. I think he almost said something to me. If he had, I would have fired right back. All I could think of was about the sacrifice I was making being there at Bethel, not for him, but for Jehovah, and the hard work and inconvenience I was going through, and the roaches and bed bugs I had to endure at the Towers Hotel. I think I would have definitely pointed that out to him as something that would out-weigh his reason for disapproval. By the time I got to the phone, whoever called had gotten tired of waiting and hung up.

    Etude.

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    Etude,

    Thanks for sharing that insider's view of what life was like at the headquarters. When I was growing up in the organization, we always received a sanitized upbeat version about the way life was for those who reached out for the "privilege".

    Your post shows that it wasn't about serving Jehovah, but about impressing men so that you could get your "privileges". But in the long run you were just a cog in a heartless machine.

    Sorry to hear about the trauma, and hopefully you'll find sharing your stories (now from an outsider's perspective) somewhat therapeutic.

  • Gopher
    Gopher

    BTW, do you play piano? Your name suggests a title to a song written for that instrument.

  • Utopian_Raindrops
    Utopian_Raindrops

    Etude,

    Wow so far this is quite an account! I hope you keep sharing with us.

    The majority of time I spent at Bethel was so traumatic for me that it has taken me years just to be able to talk about it.

    I believe you Etude. The majority of my time spent as a rank and file JW was so traumatic I havent been able to "speak" of it ether. I have typed it out but to say out loud is very traumatic and hard.

    I think the former JWs who go on TV like 5 th Estate and like Jessica has are very brave. Mike Moss how he cried on national television.Amazing!

    I am already engrossed in your experience so dont stop now! Keep it coming.

    Maybe in sharing you can heal and help others to heal too.

    Take care friend,

    Utopian_Raindrops

  • Etude
    Etude

    Thank you, Gopher. It has taken me a few years to muddle through my feelings in order to write down my story. Overall, I think it's been cathartic. I didn't know I had such juicy stories but it's been hard drawing them out. I was there when there were a lot of changes afoot but I have a hard time placing dates. For many years, I had an aversion to anything having to do with the Watchtower.

    Etude.

  • Etude
    Etude

    Yes indeed. I started learning when I was around 20, before I went to Bethel, from my aunt who was a concert pianist. I gave my first recital in Camy Hall in New York, back around 1973. I found that I couldn't handle the pressure of audiences. After all, I started because of a personal desire for music and not to make a career. Piano etudes were written as studies of certain playing techniques but were elevated to a high art form by many famous composers.

    Etude.

  • Etude
    Etude

    Thanks for the encouragement, Utopian_Raindrops. I have several pages of my story and I haven't even gotten to the items that really bugged my regarding policies at Bethel. Here are two other excerpts:

    On my first day, shortly after I met my first roommate in our quarters on the 7 th floor of 107 Columbia Heights, he proceeded to tell me his rules. Basically he told me that since he was there first, I had to adjust to his ways and not the other way around. I never expected this. I thought that gentle, spiritual people would surround me. I cant blame the Jehovahs Witnesses for my rude awakening. I can only blame my sheltered upbringing. Well, I dont know what bug had crawled up his anus, but I immediately decided that this is not the sort of guy with whom I was going to be buddies. He had been on light duty from work at the bookbindery because he nearly got one of his forearms torn off at one of those machines that puts the covers on the books. Obviously, he didnt follow safety procedures. He was rather surprised and almost hurt 2 weeks later when I announced to him that I was moving in with another brother to the roach-infested Towers Hotel from which the Society was leasing 3 or 4 floors and was also planning to purchase. I guess he figured that because I was a newcomer that I would be at his mercy, lost and looking for orientation. Since I lived in NY, I had taken many tours of the facilities and also knew several Bethelites. This gave me a slight advantage and a little less awe.

    I dont think I ever spoke to Nathan Knorr, but I heard enough from him to form an opinion of what kind of person he was. It seemed obvious to me that he called the shots around Bethel and the Organization and that his right hand man was Fred Franz. You must bear in mind that these feelings were half conscious and that even if I fully realized them, it was in a reverent manner. You just dont criticize authority when it seems that awesome. It was early in my Bethel service that the change came which instituted the Elder arrangement in the congregations. It was also about that time that there were changes in the hierarchy and the governing body came really to be. Knorr was not happy about that and it showed from his speeches to the family at breakfast time. I dont know if those events made him more so, but he proved to be insensitive to the point of being cruel. Once, on an open microphone that broadcasted to all the dining rooms in the Bethel complex, he proceeded to chastise a sister who didnt show up to read the daily text out of the year book at breakfast. Naming her, he said something to the effect that she must have better things to do than to show up. Not a couple of days earlier, I had seen that sister nearly pass out as her husband caught her on her way to the floor while she was trying to exit the dining room during the prayer just before breakfast. It turns out she was pregnant and had severe morning sickness. It didnt take an anointed of God to figure out why she didnt show. But even if he didnt know, his derogatory comments were at least not appropriate and were meant to embarrass her in front of the entire Bethel family.

    Etude.

  • Prisca
    Prisca

    Thanks for sharing your experiences. Over here in Australia the hq of the WTS seemed so remote from us - any brother who served there or at any of the branches were regarded as something special.

    I look forward to reading any more experiences that you may decide to post.

  • Utopian_Raindrops
    Utopian_Raindrops

    WOW Etude!! You really held my attention!

    You said, I thought that gentle, spiritual people would surround me. I cant blame the Jehovahs Witnesses for my rude awakening. I can only blame my sheltered upbringing. This maybe so but, since I can go to a Zen Monastery in Asia and find men so meek they can not hurt and insect how much more should people who claim to be Gods True people on earth today act towards each other. You were there and lived it so only you would know if it was you or they. Not that I am perfect and never offend.....more times then not it is The JW who offends. Throughout History due to demographics men who later became great grew up in isolated, sheltered environments. Read U.S. History and you will find this true. You just so happened to be gentle with a better sense of justice then your roommate and those you met similar to him.

    Your description of Nathan Knorr is chilling. To think such a cold man in charge of so many people! I wonder what other Bethelites thought?

    I do know one thing. A brother from our last cong went to Bethel a few years back. He signed up for 2 years.....he did not even last 1. In the conditions you lived in it is amazing you lasted 2 and 1/2 years!!! Very Commendable Brother!

    I am eagerly awaiting your next installment!!!

    Ciao 4 now friend,

    Utopian_Raindrops

    Edited by - Utopian_raindrops on 3 February 2003 4:12:36

  • nightwarrior
    nightwarrior

    HI THERE

    WHAT HAVE I MISSED,

    yes you were saying ,you devil you spill the beans

    cut the crapy parts out and get on with the juicy bits i need my next fix only a little longer next time ,welcome to the board,you were saying

    ime waiting and so is everybody else

    live long and prosper learned one

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