Will I always be a JW??????? :(

by Jesika 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  Jesika

  I was wondering, since I was raised a JW, will I EVER get rid of the mindset of being a JW.

  I have been out for 12yrs, but still find that certain things I say, or think, or react to remind me of being a JW.

  Like with the current things going on with Iraq and the US. I can't help but think sometimes, "Where they right?" "They are wrong about ALOT, but what if they got this one right?"

  Is it REALLY possible to leave the JWism behind completely???

  I only spent 15yrs in, and I still struggle with this.

  Will I ever not think about JW stuff?

  Is it possible to TOTALLY reprogram yourself????

  Anyone???
• 

  OUTLAW

  Hey Jesika,no you won`t always be a JW..It is my experience though,you`ll always be a dub...OUTLAW
• 

  Nosferatu

  I know where you're coming from, and I've thought this many many times. There's been a lot of this going on ever since I left. However, I usually re-assure myself that God really couldn't be so cruel to eliminate everyone who isn't a JW - even if they're good people.

  I've been out for about 7 years, and I still find myself thinking this. I doubt it will ever go away completely. The good thing is when I have kids, they'll never have to be put through this crap - if they make the right decisions.
• 

  cruzanheart

  You will always to a certain extent default to that way of thinking because that's the way you were raised, imprinted, brainwashed - whatever. You can neutralize it but it will be there - it's a part of what makes you Jesika. But that's not a bad thing. You can help others. You can move on with your life, compare it to the previous one, and breath a sigh of thanks that it's over. You can make sure the next generation doesn't go through that. It won't go away, but it will not win either. YOU won.

  Nina
• 

  SixofNine

  Is it possible to totally reprogram yourself? I think so. I've only been out 2 years, but I don't have thoughts like you mentioned about Iraq. Your comments make me think you haven't spent enough time thinking about the JW's. That may sound funny, cuz ultimately, it sounds like you very much want to never think about the JW's, but what I mean is, I don't think you've given enough thought to just how stupid the whole doctrine of JW's is.

  You may say upon hearing this "hell yeah I know it's stupid!", well let me rephrase it then; perhaps you haven't given enough thought to how impossible the JW doctrine is, or how impossible it would be for it (JW doctrine) to be "right" about anything concerning this earth. I guess what I'm advocating, and I advocate this for most of lifes problems, is to "intellectualize", rather than "feel". Then you simply won't get these fear based feelings anymore, at least not about anything JW related. The feelings will still be there when you need them.

  Don't get me wrong, all sorts of horrible things could happen, and all sorts of things are threatening the earth, but that is just the way things are, and has nothing to do with JW doctrine or the bible. In fact, both JW doctrine and bible prophecy, have proved to be completely wrong and not grounded in reality. Neither should be a source of concern once examined.
• 

  Jesika

  Thanks for the comments guys, keep em coming.

  I have my son today since he is changing schools, so I will be offline for a while, but will check back in a few hours.

  Jesika
• 

  Xander

  I guess what I'm advocating, and I advocate this for most of lifes problems, is to "intellectualize", rather than "feel". Then you simply won't get these fear based feelings anymore, at least not about anything JW related.

  This is exactly good advice. My wife and I left at about the same time, and we were both born and raised -ins. I definately do not get those 'what if they were right' feelings about anything, although I used to. What it took was a LOT of research into their doctrine.

  My wife left because she didn't feel the love that the bible said would identify jesus's followers, essentially, left because it 'felt' wrong.

  Problem with that is, it's human nature to second guess our 'feelings'. In order to definately leave any trace of doubt behind, you need to research it all into oblivion. Prove every single thing they taught you is false (it really isn't that hard to do). Only then will you truly be free of doubt.

  As a result, my wife still has doubts from time to time, although she dismisses them. She's never done any research, though, she doesn't want to. She just wants 'to put it all behind' - which is, of course, not possible unless you think it out and through.

  (Note that the brainwashing of conditioned responses will take a LOT longer to get over, mostly because you are conditioned to respond to things you don't even realize. But the doubt will be gone, at least)
• 

  Double Edge

  Like with the current things going on with Iraq and the US. I can't help but think sometimes, "Where they right?" "They are wrong about ALOT, but what if they got this one right?"

  Think about it, you are not alone.... there are thousands and thousands of people who have left other cults who claimed to have the whole 'truth' who are asking themselves the same questions. Relax... it's just "2nd thoughts", quite normal for human beings.
• 

  Ravyn

  a couple of years ago I started thinking of myself not as an XJW, but as a former JW. To me the subtle difference has become a glaring obvious. To me an X-anything still connects to that thing I am an X of. But to say I am a former JW cuts th cord for me, because I am a former lot of things....and it just means that it is something that I finished in my life and moved on with. If I started to think of myself differently, then I started to behave differently.

  But I have to say, it was not until I took a vacation from this particular forum last year and became a member of another elist called ExitFundyism when I started to realize that the world was a bigger place and JWs are not the only dangerous spins on xtianity and XJWs are not the only ones who have been devastated and hurt by their former religions. One of the first threads I got involved with on that elist was one that asked what things do you think you missed out on being raised in a fundy situation. I did not know what to expect out of the 400 or so members...but after I bit the bullet and wrote about the silly things I didn't know how to do on my own when I left JWs, 0I not only found others comiserating--but they actually experienced the exact same things! For instance, I did not know how to strike a match well into my early 20's...I didn't smoke, no birthday candles, no incense or candles(my dad thot they were too catholic...), electric stove, so until I had to learn fast or freeze to death in North Idaho I had never struck a match. I was ashamed of that. But atleast three other women said the exact same thing...and they were no where near being JWs....they were raised Pentecostal, Church of God, and Assembly of God!

  While it may be true that the lingo is peculiar to JWs, the experience is not. And I have also found out that the differences in the lingo are not even all that great. And that elist has members from Europe, UK, Asia, Australia and USA plus! So it is also not just auniquely American experience either...

  It has really broadened my perspective and lets me look at things with a more panaramic scope.

  I actually go days, even weeks without thinking about being a former JW. And this time when I came back here to this forum, I am disconnected to alot of the stuff that used to tangle around my feet and drag me down.

  No offense to this wonderful forum--for it provides an essential and life saving service. But for me, to finally lose that JW-ness, I had to leave all things JW for a while and find out that JWs are only one thing in this world that causes pain.

  Ravyn
• 

  SixofNine

  you need to research it all into oblivion. Prove every single thing they taught you is false (it really isn't that hard to do).

  Yes, yes, and oh yes! If lurkers are reading this, and you haven't "researched it into oblivion", get busy. It is your life that you are leaving on hold. And for what? Hell, it's really pretty interesting research.