Refocus

by Shakita 13 Replies latest jw friends

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    I have been reading all of your posts for about a year now. What seems to be quite common is the emotional turmoil that comes from leaving this cult. That's right, a cult. Although, some may refer to the Jehovah's Witnesses as a high control group, it is unmistakeably, a cult. There is a web site that discusses these issues. www.refocus.org

    reFOCUS: Recovering Former Cultists' Support Network

    Post-Cult Trauma Syndrome *

    After exiting a cult, an individual may experience a period of intense and often conflicting emotions. She or he may feel relief to be out of the group, but also may feel grief over the loss of positive elements in the cult, such as friendships, a sense of belonging or the feeling of personal worth generated by the group's stated ideals or mission. The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by "post- cult trauma syndrome":

    • spontaneous crying
    • sense of loss
    • depression & suicidal thoughts
    • fear that not obeying the cult's wishes will result in God's wrath or loss of salvation
    • alienation from family, friends
    • sense of isolation, loneliness due to being surrounded by people who have no basis for understanding cult life
    • fear of evil spirits taking over one's life outside the cult
    • scrupulosity, excessive rigidity about rules of minor importance
    • panic disproportionate to one's circumstances
    • fear of going insane
    • confusion about right and wrong
    • sexual conflicts
    • unwarranted guilt

    The period of exiting from a cult is usually a traumatic experience and, like any great change in a person's life, involves passing through stages of accommodation to the change:

    • Disbelief/denial: "This can't be happening. It couldn't have been that bad."
    • Anger/hostility: "How could they/I be so wrong?" (hate feelings)
    • Self-pity/depression: "Why me? I can't do this."
    • Fear/bargaining: "I don't know if I can live without my group. Maybe I can still associate with it on a limited basis, if I do what they want."
    • Reassessment: "Maybe I was wrong about the group's being so wonderful."
    • Accommodation/acceptance: "I can move beyond this experience and choose new directions for my life" or...
    • Reinvolvement: "I think I will rejoin the group."

    Passing through these stages is seldom a smooth progression. It is fairly typical to bounce back and forth between different stages. Not everyone achieves the stage of accommodation / acceptance. Some return to cult life. But for those who do not, the following may be experienced for a period of several months:

    • flashbacks to cult life
    • simplistic black-white thinking
    • sense of unreality
    • suggestibility, ie. automatic obedience responses to trigger-terms of the cult's loaded language or to innocent suggestions
    • disassociation (spacing out)
    • feeling "out of it"
    • "Stockholm Syndrome": knee-jerk impulses to defend the cult when it is criticized, even if the cult hurt the person
    • difficulty concentrating
    • incapacity to make decisions
    • hostility reactions, either toward anyone who criticizes the cult or toward the cult itself
    • mental confusion
    • low self-esteem
    • dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake
    • loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
    • dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult
    • hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors like chanting
    • difficulty managing time
    • trouble holding down a job

    Most of these symptoms subside as the victim mainstreams into everyday routines of normal life. In a small number of cases, the symptoms continue.

    * This information is a composite list from the following sources: " Coming Out of Cults" , by Margaret Thaler Singer, Psychology Today, Jan. 1979, P. 75; "Destructive Cults, Mind Control and Psychological Coercion"

    " Destructive Cults, Mind Control and Psychological Coercion"", Positive Action Portland, Oregon, and " " Fact Sheet", Cult Hot-Line and Clinic, New York City.

    Return to reFOCUS Home Page

    Please address any questions or problems you encounter on this site to reFOCUS. If your browser does not support "mailto" forms, click here to email us.

    Except where noted, entire contents Copyright 1998 reFOCUS, Inc. - - a secular, nonprofit, tax-exempt research center and educational corporation, P.O. Box 2180, Flagler Beach, Florida 32136, Tel. (904) 439-7541, Fax: (904) 439-7537. All rights reserved. Opinions of individual authors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of reFOCUS.

    Did you notice some of the symptoms mentioned mimick certain mental illnesses? When we leave a cult it is common to experience spontaneous crying, sense of loss, depression and suicidal thoughts, a fear that you are going insane. When we leave this cult we are leaving a sense of security and insulation from the world at hand. Although there may be a temptation to return to the cult to quiet these intense emotions, it is good to know that,in time,these intense emotions will subside.

    I have personally experienced some of the emotions on this list. It has been a hard struggle, but I will succeed. If anyone here is going through similar struggles,I would like to hear of how you are coping. What have you done to get through this traumatic time in your life?

    Finally, I would like to encourage those that are going through similar intense emotions. Don't give up. If it is too hard for you to handle, seek help from mental health professionals. For many people, this Watchtower cult experience is something that you just don't get over. By the way, I'd like to thank my therapist, she is the one that found this anti-cult web site for me. So, let us know how you are all coping.

    Mr. Shakita

    Edited by - shakita on 6 February 2003 11:41:19

  • email
    email

    Great Information... and SO Very true...

    I am checking out the website... and I know I can pass this on to some people that right now are going through the exact same things described there.

    Thanks Shakita

  • kls
    kls

    that's what i've been trying to say but some don't listen or want to believe it.no tip toeing around this ,it is what is is.

  • Swan
    Swan

    Therapy has been good, but what has helped most of all is this board and the people on it. Meeting people from this board helps too. It's just nice to know you aren't the only one, you're not totally crazy, and that suicidal thoughts are something we have all dealt with or are dealing with. It makes it so much easier to bear the bad moods, accept that they happen, that they will pass, and then things will be good again for awhile.

    Tammy

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    email,

    I'm glad this information will be of help to you and your friends. Knowing that we are reacting to exiting from this cult can be of help to those exjw's that think they are going insane. These emotions are a normal reaction to intense stress and trauma that comes from cult issues.

    kls

    I assume what you are refering to is that the Watchtower Society is a cult. I for one felt that they were a high control group, but after reading the criteria for cults on this refocus web site, I had to come to the conclusion that we were all part of a cult. It is sobering to admit that, but I think admitting it is the first step towards healing from this destructive cult.

    Mr. Shakita

  • truthseekers2
    truthseekers2

    Oh gosh, yes! We can relate to so many things in this article! We are right in the middle of the most confusing of emotions right now. They are intense and conflicting, that's for sure! We do feel such tremendous relief to be out, but there is some empty feeling that we can't quite put our finger on that is bothering us. We can hardly wait to find what will make that go away.

    I found it so interesting when the article said, "The emotional upheaval of the period is often characterized by 'post-cult trauma syndrome.'" YES! I have been saying over and over that I feel like we are undergoing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Thank you so very much for this information and for asking about people, Mr. Shakita. I really look forward to reading the various replies. This is how we are doing personally...

    Some of the things listed that we are experiencing are:

  • spontaneous crying (I've cried many tears over the past few weeks!)
  • sense of loss (horrible sense of loss - the org was our entire life)
  • depression (even hubby, who normally does not suffer from this, is battling it)
  • alienation from family, friends (completely since all family and all friends are JW)
  • sense of isolation, loneliness (you betcha! - though we are reaching out to make new family/friend relationships)
  • sexual conflicts {blush} (actually we have gone from one extreme to the other over the past couple months)
    • Disbelief/denial: "This can't be happening. It couldn't have been that bad."

    (hubby's been going through that for about 10 years - in my heart, I was gone even then)

    • Anger/hostility: "How could they/I be so wrong?" (hate feelings)

    (hubby has been really struggling with this lately, but I went through this many years ago)

    • Self-pity/depression: "Why me? I can't do this."

    (again, I went through this years ago, and I see hubby going through the depression now, but with NO desire to return whatsoever...he knows he WILL do this)

    • Fear/bargaining: "I don't know if I can live without my group. Maybe I can still associate with it on a limited basis, if I do what they want."

    (hubby is going through this just a bit to maintain relationships with his family members, but not so much saying "if I do what they want")

    • Reassessment: "Maybe I was wrong about the group's being so wonderful."

    (not gonna happen - lol)

    • Accommodation/acceptance: "I can move beyond this experience and choose new directions for my life" or...

    (please let this happen soon for us!!!)

    • Reinvolvement: "I think I will rejoin the group."

    (if this happens, just shoot us and put us out of our misery - hehe)

    • flashbacks to cult life
    • simplistic black-white thinking (maybe a little on certain issues)
    • sense of unreality
    • suggestibility, ie. automatic obedience responses to trigger-terms of the cult's loaded language or to innocent suggestions
    • disassociation (spacing out)
    • feeling "out of it"
    • difficulty concentrating
    • incapacity to make decisions
    • hostility reactions toward the cult
    • mental confusion
    • low self-esteem
    • dread of running into a current cult-member by mistake
    • loss of a sense of how to carry out simple tasks
    • dread of being cursed or condemned by the cult
    • hang-overs of habitual cult behaviors
    • difficulty managing time
  • Skeptic
    Skeptic
    Although, some may refer to the Jehovah's Witnesses as a high control group, it is unmistakeably, a cult.

    Yes, the JWs are a cult. They definitely fit the profile of a bible-based cult.

    The word cult is often misused and is not precise. Hence, the term high control group is the term that is more accurate.

    Excellent article, thanks for posting it.

    Richard

    Edited by - Skeptic on 6 February 2003 13:2:0

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    Tammy,

    I agree that the posters here have been a great help to me and to others that are going through emotional turmoil due to cruel Watchtower policies. Knowing that others are suffering similarly and that they have come through it successfully, is an encouragement to us to never give up.

    Shauna,

    It is quite common to experience conflicting emotions. Our whole lives were tied up to the WT. Our sense of security and well being were tied into the WT. Our friends and family are all tied into the WT. It is no wonder that as we exit we experience intense emotional pain. I'm like you in that I can never go back.

    When I was discussing this with my therapist, I was bringing out to her all the damning evidence against the WT. She said: "You don't have to convince me, I know that they are part of a cult, it sounds like you are really trying to convince yourself?" Isn't my therapist insightful? That was it in a nutshell. There is a warfare going on in my mind to convince myself that I was really part of a cult. I am having trouble saying goodbye to the life I led for 25 years. I am having trouble saying goodbye to friends that I made over that period of time. I know in my heart, that it's over. Just like losing someone in death, I need to accept the fact that that part of my life is dead. I need to finish my period of grieving and start over again.

    Mr. Shakita

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    Richard,

    I appreciate your candor. I know that the WT is referred to as a high control group. Although that may be technically true, it is my personal opinion that they are a cult. At least, they fit many of the criteria for what constitutes a cult. I realize that they don't fit every characteristic of a cult, but they are awfully close.

    Also, the feelings that those who exit from the WT are no different than those that exit from groups that experts consider to be cults. That's why it's hard for me to accept that they are not part of a cult.

    Mr. Shakita

  • Shakita
    Shakita

    Here is what the Refocus web site claims are the characteristics of a cult. I would like to hear your comments on how that stacks up to the WT Society. I feel that they match many of the characteristics mentioned. See for yourself.

    reFOCUS: Recovering Former Cultists' Support Network

    Characteristics of a Destructive Cult:

    1. Authoritarian pyramid structure with authority at the top

    2. Charismatic or messianic leader(s) (Messianic meaning they either say they are God OR that they alone can interpret the scriptures the way God intended.....the leaders are self-appointed.)

    3. Deception in recruitment and/or fund raising

    4. Isolation from society -- not necessarily physical isolation like on some compound in Waco, but this can be psychological isolation -- the rest of the world is not saved, not Christian, not transformed (whatever) -- the only valid source of feedback and information is the group

    5. Use of mind control techniques (we use Dr. Robert Jay Lifton's criteria from chapter 22 of his book "Thought Reform & the Psychology of Totalism" to compare whether the eight psychological and social methods he lists are present in the group at question)

      Mileu Control:

      Control of the environment and communication within the environment

      Mystical Manipulation: Seeks to promote specific patterns of behavior and emotion in such a way that it appears to have arisen spontaneously from within the environment, while it actually has been orchestrated totalist leaders claim to be agents chosen by God, history, or some supernatural force, to carry out the mystical imperative the "principles" (God-centered or otherwise) can be put forcibly and claimed exclusively, so that the cult and its beliefs become the only true path to salvation (or enlightenment)

      Demand for Purity: The world becomes sharply divided into the pure and the impure, the absolutely good (the group/ideology) and the absolutely evil (everything outside the group) one must continually change or conform to the group "norm"; tendencies towards guilt and shame are used as emotional levers for the group's controlling and manipulative influences

      Confession: Cultic confession is carried beyond its ordinary religious, legal and therapeutic expressions to the point of becoming a cult in itself sessions in which one confesses to one's sin are accompanied by patterns of criticism and self-criticism, generally transpiring within small groups with an active and dynamic thrust toward personal change

      Sacred Science: The totalist milieu maintains an aura of sacredness around its basic doctrine or ideology, holding it as an ultimate moral vision for the ordering of human existence questioning or criticizing those basic assumptions is prohibited a reverence is demanded for the ideology/doctrine, the originators of the ideology/doctrine, the present bearers of the ideology/doctrine offers considerable security to young people because it greatly simplifies the world and answers a contemporary need to combine a sacred set of dogmatic principles with a claim to a science embodying the truth about human behavior and human psychology

      Loading the Language: Words are given new meanings -- the outside world does not use the words or phrases in the same way -- it becomes a "group" word or phrase

      Doctrine Over Person: If one questions the beliefs of the group or the leaders of the group, one is made to feel that there is something inherently wrong with them to even question -- it is always "turned around" on them and the questioner/criticizer is questioned rather than the questions answered directly the underlying assumption is that doctrine/ideology is ultimately more valid, true and real than any aspect of actual human character or human experience and one must subject one's experience to that "truth" the experience of contradiction can be immediately associated with guilt one is made to feel that doubts are reflections of one's own evil when doubt arises, conflicts become intense

      Dispensing of Existence: Since the group has an absolute or totalist vision of truth, those who are not in the group are bound up in evil, are not enlightened, are not saved, and do not have the right to exist; impediments to legitimate being must be pushed away or destroyed one outside the group may always receive their right of existence by joining the group; fear manipulation -- if one leaves this group, one leaves God or loses their salvation/transformation, or something bad will happen to them; the group is the "elite", outsiders are "of the world", "evil", "unenlightened", etc

    Return to reFOCUS Home Page

    Please address any questions or problems you encounter on this site to reFOCUS. If your browser does not support "mailto" forms, click here to email us.

    Except where noted, entire contents Copyright 1998 reFOCUS, Inc. - - a secular, nonprofit, tax-exempt research center and educational corporation, P.O. Box 2180, Flagler Beach, Florida 32136, Tel. (904) 439-7541, Fax: (904) 439-7537. All rights reserved. Opinions of individual authors are their own and do not necessarily reflect those of reFOCUS.

    All those criteria sound like all the things the WT Society does. They control the information the JW's receive. They control what information is acceptable or not. They claim to be the only special representatives from God that can interpret the Bible. Anyone that questions their interpretation of scripture are, at the very least, avoided. If they keep up their opposition to a certain interpretation of scripture, the offender is disfellowshipped.

    Those that don't agree with the teachers, (The Governing Body) are viewed as devils and apostates. Any family member that would side with these so called opposers are also disfellowshipped. Anyone that disagrees with their interpretation of scripture, whether JW or not, are viewed as dead by them, unworthy to have life. Also, you would have to agree that the JW's load the language with phrases that are unique to them. I think the evidence against them is overwhelming. I feel that they fit the criteria for being a cult.

    Mr. Shakita

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