Jules, everyone...every single one that has awaken has faced this same conundrum. It's gut wrenching, but what can you live with....that is the question....Matrix, or no Matrix? But what ever find peace.
Waking up to TTATT: Blessing or Curse?
by Jules Saturn 34 Replies latest jw experiences
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ttdtt
Thank you Diogenesister
That is very nice of you.
It is hard enough dealing with the fallout you know will happen and the things you can see could happen.But when something completely unexpected and as close to home as possible happens, it is like a knife in the heart. The losses are multiplied.
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mentalclarity
Yeah I can relate to that wanting to be ignorant bliss at times as a born-in. I have to say that I always felt like something was "off" but couldn't quite put my finger on it as I grew up. But even so I miss the community and I had alot of great times with fellow jws in outings and social events.
I'm not sure if it was here or somewhere else where I read about the fish in an aquarium story- where the fish gets put into the bathtub and keeps swimming in the same circle the size of the fishbowl over and over...I think it takes time to embrace "the world". We were conditioned for so long to not be a part of it, that it just takes some time to get used to the fact that you participate and enjoy all of it - guilt free. New friends/new activities/new adventures/new goals...there is no glass ceiling to stop you. Do things that keep you moving forward- not looking back and make you feel good and expose you to new people and experiences. You have to replace the things from JWism that made you feel good (sense of belonging/purpose/etc) with something new so that you don't have that empty void. That's what has helped me.
And whenever I'm with my jw family I feel really sad because I just see complete lack of consciousness in their minds and I would never want to be that person again.
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Incognito
As I type this, it has been a year since my doubts on the Org began to grow and I began researching and researching. - Jules Saturn
As you didn't take any Red pill before this, what caused the initial doubts which grew until you started researching?
Even if you had squashed those initial doubts and proceeded to carry-on as a JW, at what point and how often in your life would those doubts surface again? Even if squashed numerous times, the doubts would probably eventually become so strong that they could no longer be ignored.
I think it's best that your doubts occurred early and you didn't ignore them.
If you carried-on as a JW, married a JW and had children, not only could you experience the same awakening and issues with your family and friends in another 10, 20 or 30 years, but also experience similar conflict with your wife and children.
I suspect by putting things off, you'd likely be depressed for not realizing the real truth 10, 20 or 30 years sooner when the doubts first arose, and for wasting a substantial portion of your life within a cult.
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contramundum
For me, I took the red pill and realised how amazing life can be.
Embrace the beauty this world has to offer and never look back.
CM
(saying that, I understand how heart breaking it must be to leave behind dearly loved family and friends. My thoughts go to all of you still suffering xx)
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Jules Saturn
@Incognito
Well I'll be completely honest, I feel like I've always had doubts, like for me it was hard to be convinced that I was in the one true religion and try to convince people of that through field service. But I've always had questions, I was always questioning stuff by nature. There were some concepts that I wasn't aware about and it wasn't until that time that I started to actually research deep into this.
Honestly though thank you for those words, I didn't look at the way you mentioned. You're absolutely right, I think I was better off taking the red pill now than years later.
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stuckinarut2
I value Truth and Honesty over any temporary feel-good emotion of belonging to a special club.
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All or nothing
"Well I'll be completely honest, I feel like I've always had doubts, like for me it was hard to be convinced that I was in the one true religion and try to convince people of that through field service. But I've always had questions, I was always questioning stuff"
i can can relate to the above quote, I remember when I was pioneering we had a bible student asking how many students we converted to the religion and we had a big Zero! THIS really bothered me because you wonder in jw speak why the Angels weren't helping us get success! Being born in I was always wondering about certain loopholes like i would call them. Why could pioneers count time on quick builds but not regular publishers? Why was the standards to progress different in different congregations? Why is there a spiritual ladder ppl are climbing? Where is this love that is the supposed identifier of the true religion?? WHAT the H was brother Morris THINKING about that RANT at the annual meeting 2 or 3 years ago...baffling. Well we all woke up and it's time to live in the present and enjoy our REAL LIFE NOW!!!!!
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Jules Saturn
@All or nothing
I'm glad all of you could wake up, thank you for sharing that experience
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konceptual99
I've had this discussion with my wife and others. Those that say "it's a good life" and think that simply because there have been some benefits to the way they were brought up are forgetting one thing.
You are abdicating your conscience and decision making responsibilities to whatever the WT says is acceptable. They own your thinking.
When it comes to birthdays and Christmas, well it's not the end of the world I guess, but what about risking your life over blood, what about shunning your child, what about forgoing an education, what about properly planning for your future and every other major decision that will affect- perhaps END - YOUR life?
Being a Witness is not just a lifestyle when you are bleeding out in A&E after an accident, prepared to die, prepared to leave your kids without a parent, prepared to put the whim and whimsy of a bunch of old men above every ounce of common sense and reason you have.
RED PILL EVERY TIME.