Letter to my dad-----need feedback please!!!!!!!!!!!

by Jesika 31 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  cruzanheart

  It's PERFECT, hon. Send it.

  Love,

  Nina
• 

  Jesika

  I wrote this letter, not from anger, but I tire from the games.

  One minute he wants to see me, the next, he is too busy with JW stuff. I know it will always be that way, and I am tired of telling myself there may be a change. My father won't change, and I have finally come to grips with that.

  Lyin----Thank you hon, and you said nothing that upset me.

  I am going to have the letter printed out and ask my sister for his address so I can mail it to him.

  I have written many letters out of anger when I was a teen, of those I think I gave him one of them, but it was more a "you hurt me" letter than an F you letter.

  This letter for me is just a way to say my piece without having to listen to excuses from him, and to let him know it is my choice to no longer have anything to do with his life.

  Thank you all for taking the time to read it, and if I get a reply I will share it with you all.

  Love,

  Jes
• 

  acsot

  Oh my God Jesika! Just read the letter (I'm at work and it's been busy). I feel horrible for what you've been through but - the letter is good - your feelings, your experiences, and your conclusions - you're done with it. Maybe your dad still feels some sort of power over you and that's why he keeps you "dangling", wanting to normalize his relationship with you but then not making the necessary effort. It will do you an enormous amount of good to send this letter and be done with the games.

  Don't know if you've ever read or seen the book "Opening Up" by James Pennebaker. He documents just how therapeutic the writing process is, whether or not there is a recipient of what is written. I'm sure the letters you've written over the years have been therapy for you as well, even those you didn't send your dad - you needed to write to get it out of your system and deal safely with your emotions and your traumas.

  love

  Acsot
• 

  Mulan

  excellent Jesika. I hope you send it.
• 

  Swan

  Dear Jesika,

  It's obviously from your heart. Learn to trust yourself. You know what you want and how you feel. You needed to seek validation here, and that is okay too, but trust your initial instincts that made you write this letter and go with them.

  You remind me of a little red bird kicked out of the nest, but even so, you are still surviving. You are learning to spread your wings. Soon you will fly.

  Good luck to you whatever you decide.

  Tammy
• 

  Maverick

  Dear Jesika: I am the single father of a girl. I have written a number of stories about my daughter that have been published locally. There is not an hour that goes by that I don't think about her. I even helped deliver her! Your letter has moved me greatly. I guess I live in a dream world. I don't even like seeing my baby in a bathing suit, (she looks like 7of 9 on the TV show Voyager). I could not live with myself if I ever betrayed her the way your father betrayed you. Yes, you were betrayed. This mans "job" was to protect and cherish you. I have told my daughter that marrage mates may come and go but she will always be my little girl and no one can take that away. But I see that there is one person who could "take that away". I could. If I ever betrayed her trust and love and the security she so rightly should feel. My baby is 18 now so she is beyond child molestation. And I worked hard to prepare her for this wicked world. But while she was little I was ever vigilant for her safety. This man was not a father, just a sperm donor and he does not merit the honor of the title Father! Yours most deeply, Maverick
• 

  lisavegas420

  I have often concidered writing a very simular letter to my father. But I know deep in my heart it would only hurt him and would not change a thing. He is who he is.

  I wish you luck,

  Lisa
• 

  blacksheep

  Unbelievable. I feel so angry for you. This may sound harsh, but it seems to me people who would allow these things to happen place the org above their family, clearly. Maybe it will touch something in your dad, but maybe he'll just rationalize his actions.

  As I said, I would be angry, very angry. I am not sure writing that letter alone would purge the anger. Are you at all in a position to take legal action?? I just read a few similar stories from silent lambs, and I am incredibly sickened by the whole thing. Knowing what I know now about JW's trying to keep things self-contained to avoid "reproach upon the org" I can see this being just the TIP of the iceberg.

  Best of luck to you. I am so sorry your had to endure what you did.
• 

  ESTEE

  (((((Jesika)))))

  Thank you for sharing this letter with us on the forum. I understand what you are going through. I too, was sexually abused at the age of four (by a cousin). I too was not validated or heard by my father. I too, was afraid of him for my life.

  XW wrote:

  It may be that you have to work towards finding your own closure to this, without him.

  I did not have my father around when I began dealing with my abuse issues. I began that journey about thirteen years ago. It would not have been healthy for me to write to him, if he was still alive. He, like your father, was physically and verbally abusive with me. I was afraid for my life, when he was alive. I hear you saying that you too, have felt afraid for your life. My advice is as xw and jgnat say, namely . . . write these letters for yourself and your own closure. Think of yourself now. You will not and cannot change your father. That is his job to seek help and change himself. I think it is time to focus on Jesika . . . And stay far away from people who won't validate you and your feelings. You . . . are who is important here. Take care of yourself, my dear sister. Vent here as often as you need to. We are here for you. We will validate your feelings and give you hugs!

  Much love,

  ESTEE
• 

  the mole

  thanks for telling me to read the letter...i didnt search far back enough when you brought it to my attention...my letter to my family was nothing like this, it was merely letting them know that being a third generation witness i was going to be the first and break away...im so sorry for what happened to you... my issues on politics and policy posted in the silent lambs were based on how these people exist in the org and still be abusers, molesters and sadist..., but to you, i have so much heart felt sorrow for you that you had to experience this..as i told you i will keep in touch with you..keep writing me.. i will help any way i can...with sincere love,,,***the mole***