Are You Ashamed Of The Way That You Disciplined Your Child?

by minimus 42 Replies latest jw friends

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  roykaye

  Hi

  This Organisation is so cultic that even here in India where the culture, lifestyle and attitudes are so very different I can immediately identify with this. I used to be an MS and a substitute elder till last year. There was this old fart (now mercifully dead) who used to be the PO and was later deleted. When he was an elder he used to strongly advocate beatings. We used to have open disagreements, especially since the WTS's newer publications maintained that beatings were not necessary and that rod meant the 'rod of discpline'. I would point this out to him and he would try to rubbish me. He was in his 60s and I was hardly 30. One day my son who was just a year old was cooing at the back of the hall (since i was on the body I used to be very 'correct' in these things). The PO asked my wife after the meeting to beat my son to correct him. She almost told him to F*** Off. This old coot went and complained to the CO (who happened to be in the hall on a private visit). Fortunately the CO was a nice chap and we got on quite well, so instead of listening to the PO he shooed him off.

  Some time later this PO was deleted and I was appointed the substitute PO. Once day while I was giving a talk on child rearing the topic turned to the 'rod'. As I started speaking, he interrupts the talk, from where he was seated, to maintain that rod mean actual rod. I had to literally ask him to shut up so that the talk could proceed.

  Even though I was a borg hardliner, I has resolved before my marriage that whenever I became a father I would not treat then like many of us were. Although my dad was strict (he carried a cane in his briefcase) I don't think he ever beat us mercilessly. At the most it was just one strike on the palm with the thin cane. It hardly hurt, but what hurt was the embarassment. But I didnt want to embarass my kids.

  Even today when I am out of the BOrg, I never bet my kids. A stern voice I feel is enough to make them feel you mean business when it comes to TV watching or putting their books way or whatever. Where personal preferences are concerned each child should be treated as an individual. Most beatings take place when parents want the kids to conform to their thinking even when no principle is involved. This is the reason I feel, most JWs beat their kids. What they'd ideally like to do is beat anyone (adult, publisher, elder, inactive one, non-believer) who does not believe or think like them. Because They can't beat adults.They turn their ire on kids. Just a theory.

  love

  Roy
• 

  Room 215

  As is so typical of WT, it's unlcear whether they've now disavowed spanking as an appropriate form of discipline; I haven't read anything on the subject from them in a while (maybe I missed an article or two somewhere).

  What is crystal clear, however, is that until quite recently, JW culture and literature unequivocally endorsed corporal punishment, while making the distinction between a spanking and beatings, or abuse. I remember one former Gilead missionary and elder displayed in his home a paddle with the inscription ``Board of Correction." And JW parents who ``spared the rod" were often considered too permissive, at least through the seventies.
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  freedom96

  I believe there may be times that a swat on the butt is needed, more to suprise the child and ingrain into their head that what they are doing is wrong, not wishing to inflict pain.

  However, sensless beatings, out of anger, or to the point of leaving marks, is flat out wrong.

  As the child gets older, and can reason, I find that to be the best way to dicipline.
• 

  Mary

  ".......gita said: My daughter tried singing some kingdom sing after the School was over. She didnt know the words but had some fun with that. Frankly it sounded as cute as a damned Kingdumb Song was likely to get. The same ministerial servant came up and whispered real loud in my ear. "You need to keep her quiet......"

  I don't get it. If she was singing after the Meeting was over, why would you be told to keep her quiet? Everybody is noisy after the meeting!!
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  plmkrzy

  Most articles in the publications recommended physical punishment, (corporal) when disciplining children. The scripture says that "he will not die" if you BEAT him. So many parents literally beat their children. Were you such a parent? Would you spank your child? Would you leave marks on your kids???

  This was a popular argument in our house when we were growing up. My brother and I got many beatings, fractures, scars etc. One day I remember my dad we beating the crap out of my brother and my mom ( the first time I ever saw her hit anyone) knocked my dad on his ass. Sent him flying.

  The term spare the rod was NEVER supposed to be taken literal as far as I am concerned. It is a metaphore in every sense of the word but some people are just to stupid to get it.

  duh..............

  I am not ashamed of the way I raised my kids.

  They are certainly big enough now though, to knock on their ass if they disrespect me. But as kids? I don't pick on defenseless people.
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  Roski

  I have already responded to this thread from the perspective of a parent, but have found the responses from people raised in the 'truth' sadly familiar. In my case although the literal 'rod' was not frequently used (but threatened), however my father (elder etc) had the skill of mind control down to a fine art. His scripture of choice was Eph. 6:4, "....but go on bringing them up in the discipline and mental-regulating of Jehovah." - mental regulate he did! I believe this scripture became quite popular after the idea of 'discipline' not necessarily being the 'literal rod' was introduced. He continued to quote this well into my teens, until one day I quoted him the earlier part of the scripture re 'not irritating'. This happened many years ago, but I remember the incident quite clearly. I literally hated that scripture, and still do. In my earlier post I mentioned the pressure from others in relation to disciplining children. For me this started when my eldest was just a tiny baby. He was a very restless baby, and I can remember after the first few group studies (which I spent in the car) being told by my husband (the study conductor) "How can the brothers respect me if you can't control -your- child." It was down-hill all the way from there! Sadly, I can remember smacking (ocassionally) my children at the hall when they were restless, just to be seen to be doing something (the right thing) by onlookers. I think the behaviour of an individual's children (particularly if that individual is a servant) is often used as a form of control and one-upmanship by others. When my children reached their teenage years I began to 'dig in' and followed my own instincts (fractured as they were) to deal with their issues, but this was not the party line (which I could see would lead to shunning), so my responses finally (a long story) led to the breakdown of the family, partly due to the fact that the role of parenting was virtually a non negotiable issue, both privately and as part of the organization. For this reason I believe this is a highly relevant topic, it involves much more than just whether a person hits their children or not-and the effects a life-long. Enough said!
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  Francois

  There is a church in Atlanta where the pastor and a couple of his "elders" are being sent to jail for beating their children. About two dozen of the parents there had their children taken by DFACS for about six months. Now they have been returned, but the pastor and elders are on trial. Actually, they've been convicted of child endangerment and are off to the pokey.

  Also, this is yet another opportunity to remember who the bible was written for: illiterate, desert wandering savages. Tribes of men and woman living in tents and hearding flocks in the middle of nowhere who had the intellectual sophistication of a box of rocks. Tribes of men who worshipped a God that spoke to them froma fulminating volcano and who was more a judge/accountant than a loving father. BEATING your kids or your chattel wife was the norm all over back then. And so was the superficial thinking contained in "...he will not die if you BEAT him..." Right he might not die, but he may well hate your guts before his tenth birthday.

  Oh, that pastor and those elders referenced above, they used as defenses some of the same scriptures I see quoted here above.

  francois
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  TresHappy

  I am ashamed of the way I was disciplined as a child. Not with love, only rage and tyrannical behavior. My parents weren't JW's then, that came later. Weird enough, becoming JW's made them become nicer people, or they could have mellowed with age. My parents now deny they ever treated me badly...that's what hurts the most!
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  WasButNeverAgain

  I was brought up a jw and my experiance was numbing. 11 years old a min. servant of 60 years of age put his hand up my skirt after a meeting. everyone was around but noone saw a thing he got scarded and went to MY pearents and said i was lieing and telling every one this lie that i never told any one in the first place. my pearents grounded me for 3 months cuz i didn't tell them first and i had book study at his house every tuesday. I found out later he was molesting his 4 kids and 5 grand kids also!!!!!!
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  pamkw

  Yes!

  I have told my oldest son how sorry I am for some of the things I did and said. It bothers me more than it does him. I still tend to yell alot, but I do not spank my 11 year old very often. I have learned more patience with him. If I was still a jw, his life and mine would be pure hell. The kh has no place for a child with mental illness. It's funny my mom sometimes tries to take him to the kh when he stays all night with her. She always leaves in the middle of the meeting. She does not do that very much any more.

  Pam