Funny people in your Congregation (page 2)

minimus

I know of a blind elder that used to give Public Talks with his seeing eye dog, a huge German Shepherd, right on the platform with him. I know of a sister that ALWAYS cries when someone asks how she's doing. I know of an elder and his wife that constantly farted in your company. I know of a Bible student that regularly goes to the meetings and hysterically laughs when a comment is given about death or some type of sadness. I know of an older pioneer that would pee on the neighbor's lawn when he had to go, while out in service.

mattnoel

Minimus.......Damn where you from ? he he

Chevy a mobile filter around your neck ? all I can say is only in America !

Englishman

My favourite was Dougy Wyborn. Doug was one of those guys who always had a row of different colour pens in his top pocket and took his job as Magazine /Territory honcho very seriously indeed.

Doug liked giving talks and had done so for years, but never graduated from the MS and SM because he was -well, just a terrible speaker. He used to get his words mixed up and had no idea what full stops and comma's were meant for.

One SM. he was giving a talk on materialism, and was holding forth on how Solomon, whilst incredibly rich with money and concubines, didn't have the privilege of door to door service like we had.

What he actually said was: "Solomon had over 1000 wives and concubines at his disposal, what a privilege!"

Englishman.

mattnoel

How funny Englishman,

I remember one meeting where when we still had tapes and as usual here in Britain we have a spotty kid (elders son but has got his own stereo at home) usually about 12 years old doing the sound, we all stood up for the final song and something went wrong with the tape, it was fading in and out and gurgling all over the place. Gradually the sing died off amongst everyone but the spotty kid not thinking leaves it rolling and we had a few daring bros and sis in fits of laughter and about 5-7 "spirituals" who battled it out to the end singing their best. God it was hilarious !

RAYZORBLADE

Now I remember.

When I attended a congregation back in eastern Canada, I remember there was this one brother who was notorious for giving painfully long winded prayers.

The hilarious factor was made possible because children, know by sheer habit when you say: "In Jesus' Name....Amen" - they bolt from their chairs and go on a tear.

So again...this brother, with a thick heavy Germanic accent is asked to give the 'closing prayer'. Of course he does, and we all know what we're in for. Minutes tick by...and we are hearing all the things we need blessings and help with including food and clothing, cars for the field service, submissive wives (no kidding) and obedient children (whom were going mental shuffling their feet and becoming quite antsy), and a multitude of items that needed Jehovah's attention.

10 minutes later...(NO KIDDING) he's still going. Because of his English grammer, many times he'd start to mention Jesus. The kids are thinking 'it's almost over...we can go play now', but he'd go back into the prayer on an entirely different tangent.

A couple of minutes later, he'd head for the Jesus topic and he started to say: "...in Jesus name..." and then WHAM! all the children under 6 years of age said with desperation in their voices: "AMEN!" and then they all bolted...

....the brother meanwhile is still praying on-stage going on and on and on. Mothers are trying to grab their kids by the collar and arms with their eyes closed and the kids are completely losing it. It was funny.

Finally, 15 minutes later, he ends. I couldn't believe it. The kids were just about ready to have seizures as for them to sit still in the Kingdom Hall, was torture enough, but for that 'final' AMEN from the platform, so that they could go outside and play or to the basement to carry on.

That was quite funny. I remember a few brothers and sisters laughing at the point when all the children said "AMEN" - even I tried to hold back the giggles, which was painful.

I remember that the next time the Germanic brother gave a prayer, it's brevity was sharply curtailed, and he'd make a 1 minute prayer. He couldn't help himself. I still laugh at that episode.

Maverick

At the Memorial one year this derelict came in and claimed he was somebodies study. We seated him but kept an eye on him. During the meeting he took out a bag of potatoe chips and started eating them! The brothers just looked at him. I had to tell him to put the food away. After the service this guy stood up and as he did he dropped some of his stuff. He then bent over to pick his things up and his pants fell down. He had no underwear on. All the Elders were lined up by the wall near the door helping people leave and this character mooned us all! The look on everyone faces was priceless! Maverick

Big Tex

I know of an elder and his wife that constantly farted in your company

You said fart.

There was once an older gentleman who would constantly lick his fingers (you really didn't want to shake his hand). Anyway once out in service he told me (and I'm like 18 or 19 years old) how he had a certain "fondness" for cows. I mean he really liked cows (if you know what I mean and I think you do). So he would go into graphic detail about what he would do to these poor animals just as the householder was opening the door.

"Uh, hello ... we're in the neighborhood to uh, talk about .... uh, well, uh, you want these magazines?"

mattnoel

EUGH EUGH !!!!!

Big Tex

EUGH EUGH !!!!!

You'll never how much!

mattnoel

Did you not say anything to the guy like "Er is that natural" or "do you think you need help" or even "go see the elders, you are sick" ?

Funny people in your Congregation

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