Today I learned - I'm incapable of having a relationship (page 2)

Dumplin

I couldn't help overhearing. I was eavesdropping.

i'm no relationship expert at all. in fact, my moniker is 'basement guy'. (but i'll save that for another thread)

but my older 'never a JW' sister is good at giving me advice. She told me that she believes in the wisdom of Louise Hay. So here's part of what my sis tells me in an email: "She wrote a book called "you can heal your body" (then a subsequent book "You can Heal Your Life" in which the first book is just a chapter!) and it covers every ailment from headaches to Aids and what's causing them. It's about the body "yelling" at us because something is going on in our lives and we're not paying attention. Most of the stuff is amazingly logical."

Not that this is about your body, Garret. But I think FayeD may be on to something. And maybe it would help to read some of Louis Hay's stuff or even watch a youtube of her. here's a sample: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QmCLfVRxgtw

i guess she's helped a lot of people.

Dumplin

Ha! When Louise said look in the mirror in the morning... it reminded me of this scene in the Angel-A movie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HRrFvapV4ms

JWdaughter

I don't know much, but you have have projected this to a relationship and being rejected. Get her phone number before you start seeing wedding bells and divorce papers! One step at a time and while you are in it, enjoy itfor what it is. If it is meant to be more, the ease in the relationship will develop.

You aren't doomed to disaster, but I think a little positive self talk, positive attitude would be useful. If not her, someone will be right. Think sales guy like-Law of large numbers. Keep meeting people, getting comfortable meeting people and just enjoy it for the meet,for the acquaintance, for the friendship and ? Meet old, young, male, female, ugly and beautiful people. Learn to like and enjoy them for who and what they are as humans. Then, someday you may be better at relationships in general. Not every girl is a future gf or wife. Let them be what they are and become what they are meant to be to you-you only need ONE to be the right one, but a lot can be wonderful people to know and learn about and add value to both of your lives because of their humanity. Just enjoy the humans around you.

jhine

The practical answer - what Lisa Rose and Fink said . Don't over think it , get to know her as a PERSON first , then a woman and don't let alcohol turn your brain to mush !

You do maybe need to think about the other suggestions about ( emotional) intimacy problems , if these do stem from early experiences .

Jan

Sabin

Self sabotage, hurt them first, they will definitely hurt you cause you deserve to be hurt right. You will never be good enough. Put the mask on but you can only wear it for a while then the real you shows up the one they wont like. SO YOU, self sabotage, hurt them first, they will definitely hurt you cause you deserve to be hurt right etc

You get the idea, your going round in circles, don't panic we all do that with different things. You need to work out how to break it. Reads to me like your dealing with some kind of shame, not guilt, shame. Reads to me like all this is coming from your stomach not your head. & yes probably if there has been trauma from your childhood it has not helped the situation. Sounds like your afraid of letting some-one love you that is you can give love but you struggle to receive it, you don't think your lovable maybe. That would burn anyone out, give all your wages to others then whose gonna pay the rent you will end up homeless. You are stronger than you think Garrett & courageous, you have excellent expression you wrote this amazing post.

OverlappingGeneralizations

I look at it this way. You're chances of being alone are 100% if you don't try, so why not try? Even if there is only a 5% chance she'll respond, it's better than the 0% not trying gets you, right?

I guess I am saying, what's the harm in trying? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

As my "worldly" dad always said, "there's nothing wrong with practicing on a few women first, that way when you meet the right one, you'll be ready". So who cares if she isn't Mrs. Right, you'll at least get some practice!

Vidiot

This is not all that surprising a story.

The WT worldview and lifestyle don't really prepare a young person for real, authentic relationships.

Rather, it stipulates Organizational standards (officially or otherwise) for eligibility and marriageability.

Garrett

Hi all,

Thank you so much for all your responses. I've learned so much from each one of them. Unfortunately, I still have no clue how to reply to each one of you so that you can see it. So if you're reading this, thank you so much for all your kind and insightful comments.

This Thursday I'm asking the girl out. I'll let all of you know how it goes :)

Peace and Love,

Garrett

FayeDunaway

Oh my gosh!! You BETTER come back and tell us what happens!! Courage!!

And if she didn't mean to give you that vibe, you still got it goin' on, nothing lost, but more experience for the next one.

Vidiot

Garrett - "I still have no clue how to reply to each one of you so that you can see it."

Don't feel bad.

Most of us don't expect replies.

Hell, most of us don't even reply.

This post isn't even a reply.

Today I learned - I'm incapable of having a relationship

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