A Big Canadian Apology

jgnat

I got this as an e-mail joke today, my apologies if you have heard it already...

On behalf of Canadians everywhere I'd like to offer an apology to the United States of America. We haven't been getting along very well recently and for that, I am truly sorry.

I'm sorry we called George Bush a moron. He is a moron but, it wasn't nice of us to point it out. If it's any consolation, the fact that he's a moron shouldn't reflect poorly on the people of America. After all it's not like you actually elected him.

I'm sorry about our softwood lumber. Just because we have more trees than you, doesn't give us the right to sell you lumber that's cheaper and better than your own.

I'm sorry we beat you in Olympic hockey. In our defence I guess our excuse would be that our team was much, much, much, much better than yours.

I'm sorry we burnt down your white house during the war of 1812. I notice you've rebuilt it. It's Very Nice.

I'm sorry about your beer. I know we had nothing to do with your beer but, we feel your pain.

I'm sorry about our waffling on Iraq. I mean, when you're going up against a crazed dictator, you want to have your friends by your side. I realize it took more than two years before you guys pitched in against Hitler, but that was different. Everyone knew he had weapons.

And finally on behalf of all Canadians, I'm sorry that we're constantly apologizing for things in a passive-aggressive way which is really a thinly veiled criticism. I sincerely hope that you're not upset over this. We've seen what you do to countries you get upset with.

freeman

cute

concerned mama

Very true, very politically incorrect. I love it.

I wonder if anyone is going to get mad.

Gopher

The American invasion of Canada is about to begin! We need to take over your country, since you got so many good things like trees and hockey players. We are very envious.

Wait, you got that problem province of Quebec.

Never mind, we don't want to deal with people who talk funny.

Sargon

I dont get it, eh!

jgnat

Hey, with the exchange rate, the American invasion has already begun. Every summer. Love those big American bucks! (I am talking about dollars. Get your mind out of the gutter.)

TR

jgnat,

Sending warm, friendly nukes your way.

TR

czarofmischief

In this era of continental reconciliation, and on behalf of my fellow Americans, I'd like to issue the following apology to Canada.

Sorry for passing around the nasty rumor that your country was named by picking letters from a Scrabble box: "C, eh? N, eh? D, eh?"

Sorry for losing Detroit to you in that little Scrap of 1812. Now apologize for giving it back.

Sorry for taking away your Quebec Nordiques, and turning them into well financed champion hockey team, and rubbing your faces in it by completely ignoring your pathetic efforts to regain the Stanley Cup.

NAFTA. Whoops.

Sorry for laughing hysterically when Quebec nearly voted to leave you on the side of the road like a two dollar hooker who just did three dollars worth of work and only got a dime... well... you get the picture. A forlorn picture.

We'd like to apologize for your flag. It's not our fault, but any flag with a leaf on it deserves an apology from SOMEBODY.

CZAR

Gopher

... and we Americans humbly apologize for "Seward's Folly" in the 19th century, where Seward convinced his American government to purchase a large tract of land now called Alaska from the Russians.

The Russians would have made such nice neighbors to Canada, and again we profusely apologize.

Satanus

Czar

but any flag with a leaf on it deserves an apology from SOMEBODY

S'okay, were soon gonna put a different leaf up there. As soon as we get it legalized. Heh heh. We'll set up warehouses all along the border, so youse can get it easily, like we did for booze when it was a nono down there. Share the joy, eh?

SS

A Big Canadian Apology

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