There is a sister from my congregation who is 23 years old whose circumstances mirror yours. I actually was going to PM you to ask if you are her, until I read your age. This sister has been separated from her husband for two years now. And she has resigned herself to being single for the rest of her life because of her husband's extreme depressive and disordered personality type. Like you, she was lured into the marriage under false pretenses. It wasn't 'til after the vows were exchanged that he showed his true colors. My heart aches for her. Woman in her prime, much like yourself, shackled to a WT-honed conscience that forbids her to move on with her life.
I always wondered about that scripture in Matthew 5:28 where it speaks about anyone looking at another woman lustfully having committed adultery in his heart. As a red-blooded male, there's no way your husband has not viewed pornorgaphic images or oogled another woman he's seen walk by. Does this mean he has given you grounds to divorce? The adultery may have been committed in his heart, but as we know... "out of the abundance of the heart..." (Matt 12:34). Jesus considered the heart condition to be very serious and VERY real. Furthermore, your husband has proven himself to be a liar. Remember the "Walking in Integrity" song from the brown songbook? "I do not sit... with wi-cked men of liiieeess. I hate the com-pa-ny... of those who truth de-spiiiise" (see Ps 101:7).
I know this won't pass over your elders at all who are operating under the strict guidelines set forth in their confidential manual (PDF of Shepherd the Flock of God: https://thetruthofjehowaswittness.files.wordpress.com/2012/12/jehovas-vitner.pdf), but maybe it will ease your conscience so you don't feel so damned by Jehovah for taking a stand and filing for the divorce you so clearly are entitled to.
Another thing to add is, the standards set forth in the Bible may seem timeless and put into practice by Jehovah's Witnesses, but even Geoffrey Jackson of the Governing Body has admitted that the organization's policies are in tune with sociological changes in this current millennia. Children are not stoned to death for disobedience within the organization. They are punished in ways that preserve their lives. Likewise, consider the marital arrangement among the ancient Israelites: a raped woman was considered unmarriageable. HOWEVER, her rapist was legally entitled to force his victim to marry HIM, should he decide to "own" her. If you consider humans to have been closer to perfection all that time ago, then you'd have to agree that such personality disorders and psychological dysfunction did not exist so close to Adam and Eve in such a simple, non-industrialized society. Therefore, grounds for divorce over such serious matters and psychological abuse were not written about since there was no reference to draw from. It's the same reason Jehovah's Witnesses will not smoke a cigarette. Tobacco use is not mentioned in the Bible because cigarettes did not exist. Yet, the principle has transcended through sociological and technological developments over the centuries. The same should be true for psychological developments.
Please know that should you formally divorce and remarry despite no physical adultery occurring on the part of your current husband, you are, by default, forgiven. This is the whole essence of Christ's ransom sacrifice that is completely brushed aside by WT theology which reconvicts your sins and punishes you also (estrangement from all the people you've become close to and loved in the organization). Romans 4:5 says that "...to the man who does NOT work but puts faith in the One who declares the ungodly one righteous, his faith is counted as righteousness". This scripture is actually contrasting faith with works (in your case, your works would be remaining single/celibate and grossly deceived for the rest of your life).
You sound like a really sincere woman who values her relationship with Jehovah and has put her faith in Him. If you can put your fear of man (the elders and WT policy) aside and concentrate on His word, you may find it heart-warming that God has the magnanimity to justify the "ungodly" - not just the good people - by faith, since faith is reckoned as righteousness. You are righteous, no matter what decision you make in your life, @Jrjw.
Reflect on Romans 4:5, Romans 5:1, Romans 3, Romans 10, and Ephesians 2:8,9 (which states "By this underserved kindness you have been saved through faith... No, it is not the result of works..."). You don't deserve to be treated "differently" by the people you once held dear. And if these friends have got you feeling so lost and unheard and resorting to an anonymous online forum just so you can vent... then I have news for you, sweetie. These are not friends. These are acquaintances who have been indoctrinated to like you for who they WANT you to be - another Jehovah's Witness in good standing who fills out the cookie-cutter mold shaped by a religious hierarchy in New York.
You deserve to be heard. You deserve to be free. You deserve to be accepted.
You deserve to be you.
