I too walked away, and feared that I would find nothing. I was twelve. You will find my story on other posts, so I wont be too detailed. My mother stopped the car in the middle of the road one day, to give me a spanking.... (the spanking is not relevant here... I deserved it) She got out to get a switch.... I jumped out of the car, and ran into the woods. Some sixteen hours later I was two states away, because an old man picked me up.
I didnt look back. You can guess that being a cute blonde haired, blue eyed boy... it wasnt long till the perverts were onto me. In a matter of months, it became a way of survival to me. Prostitution I mean.
I had suffered brutal rapes and starvation by the time I was sixteen. I can remember sleeping under an old school bus in Va, in the snow.
Anyway, for years I just wandered the streets waiting for Armageddon to hit. I hid in the shadows watching man and his world go by. I was almost twenty before I finally convinced myself that Armageddon was a scare tactic. I had so much time on my hands.... I would often hide in the public library to escape whinos who wanted to rape me, and cold weather. I began to study on my own, man and his religous beliefs. I went all the way back to the beginning. I found so many conflicting things, and was very confused.
I didnt remain homeless out of choice. When I was a minor.. there was no work... by the time I had reached adulthood... I didnt know how to fit in the rest of.... anything. I prayed to no avail it seemed. But soon I would find that I had a love for beautiful music, art, beauty, and just life in General. It was then that I started to really see the world around me.
Eventually things worked out for the best. I have escaped death so many times. I came to know that "God" was such a vast being, that everything I had been taught as a child was just.... inadequate. No Doctrine or teaching I had learned... could fit the Dweller of the Heavens for me. I learned of so many different cultures and beliefs. I have seen that all life truly is connected.... that everything in Nature depends on everything else. That there will always be those who create and those who destroy; those who love and those who hate.
Anyway, in my last few years on the streets, I became more and more confident that God was not some man on a golden throne waiting to hand out eternal judgement. That is was not the end that mattered.... but it really was the journey that was important.
I am a successful artist now. Open minded. Married to wonderful woman. It wasnt until I could get past all the guilt and shame that I was able to live life for real.
Mine is not some sad story. I learned so much. I wouldnt trade it for anything. There is a freedom that one enjoys, when he leaves the tiny minded way of man. That is why if you read my first post to Yiz on the "hi I'm Homeless Now"..... that is really my only advice to him...SEE the world. Learn from it. Enjoy the freedom you have... financial status and social status are so.... limited.
I grew up with alley-cats as my best friends.... I relate to them. Their motto is "Avoid the humans... till you need food or your back scratched".... Anyway... I hope this helps someone out there... when you think you have hit the bottom of life's Pit.... know that there is always a way to learn something from it. If there were not hard times.... you would never grow.
