Looking Forward To Ur Free Life Or Stil Reflecting And Living A Bitter Past

by m0nk3y 15 Replies latest jw friends

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  Dawn

  Hey Monkey:

  How goes it?!

  I guess I'm a little of both. I am really excited and happy about the life I have now, and I look forward to the future. But I still get sad and angry at times about the JW past - probably the biggest reason is that I still have to deal with the shunning crap from time to time and JW stuff from my mom & siblings. Not to mention the lost time..........

  But all in all - I don't think I'm any more messed up than the average person (ha ha) - almost everyone has some experiences from their past that affect who they are today. I'm just one of the average - some good things in the past, some bad things in the past. It's just that the bad things (some JW) can be shared and be a help to others that are going through it right now - probably why many of us are so vocal about it.
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  blackout

  Monk3y, as a great woman once said "Life is about learning to love and loving to learn."
• 

  LyinEyes

  I am happy looking forward to my future I have alot of plans and see myself just feeling wonderful and together one day.

  I am sad and bitter when I think of my JW past..........I was raised in it till I was 35 yrs old. I also have intertwined in all of that serious childhood issues from my JW parents. Very dyfunctional to say the least.

  I am also enjoying everyday in between the past and the future ,,,,,,,,,,, the TODAY. Some Today's are sad and hurt, but most of my todays are pretty happy and I see myself moving forward , growing.

  For many of us on this board, we didnt learn of the WT deception until we were in our mid to later 30's , and that really pisses alot of us off. Not only did we waste our lives , our dreams , our futures, serving man,,,,,,,,,but we did that to our children too. SO I dont think we will ever just "get over it , already",,,,,,,,,,maybe in the many years from now, we will. I just know I am not there yet. ANd the way things are going, which is a good thing, it is a slow healing process.

  I mean many of us didnt become JW's over nite and then left shortly after seeing it was wrong. IT was a life of unhappiness, even misery. So it seems only natural that all the old habits are going to take some of us longer to get over,,,,,,,,,even the negativity.

  You may call it negativity, but sometimes you have to let things be as they really are. This is not a place we really chose to be, this place of not knowing what the heck to believe, the feelings of being lost , the feeling of losing your religion. But it is a place we have to be........ we can't go back,that is for sure, so we have to get thru it , and going thru it is not always pretty. We face alot of our demons , we face ourselves, we face the unknown. These are things as JW's we ignored, and we are learning that is is ok to be mad, it is good to say what is on our minds, and it is healthy to tell the truth about the WT coverups. This negativity is really just facing the truth of what we have been thru. There is no way to always feel and think that , it was just the past. The past is always with us , everyday in the here and now, it is hard to let it rest. You just can not begin to find peace , to let it rest until you have delt with it,,,,,,,head on....... and I think that is what many are doing here.
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  Shutterbug

  But what I have notice a great deal in this forum is there alot of X-JWs that are very bitter about their past lives and seem completely focused on how f*%$ed up their lives have been.

  In my opinion, you have pointed out the most important reason for the existance of this board. Bitter people need a place to vent or all that bitterness builds up inside of them until there is an explosion. Also, there is a boatload of help available here and hopefully some will take advantage of this opportunity. So, vent away, someone will be helpful.

  Bug
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  Cicatrix

  Actually, the frank discussions are what kept me coming back to this board when I was leaving, and what keeps me coming back still. People who haven't been in the organisation have a hard time understanding what it feels like. I find that this is a place I can relate. I go off on a bitter diatribe occasionally here, but that doesn't mean I walk around with a little cloud over my head every day, every where I go. I doubt I'll ever entirely get over having lost twenty years of my life to what I thought was a noble cause, only to find out it was a sham. But it has taught me to appreciate sweet freedom everyday of my life and make the most of it.

  Would you tell a Holocaust survivor to "just get over it" ? Many people here have lost loved ones. They have died needlessly for following the rules of the Watchtower Society regarding such things as blood transfusions, and not seeking psychological care for mental illnesses, only to watch the society relax its stance on these issues.Many, many people have been driven to dispair and even suicide by being shunned and/or having their families torn apart by the rigid rules of a panel of men in Brooklyn. Many women have suffered severe emotional damage from being told by a group of men that they were raped or beaten because they weren't "obedient" enough.Children and/or their parents and other very concerned people have been disfellowshipped for reporting child sexual abuse.These are just a few of the myriads of issues we recovering jws must deal with.

  What should we do, cover over all these issues the way the Watchtower Society does, and pretend that they don't exist, or are just minor little annoyances? The way that those who would just as soon "forget" the holocaust do?

  I think having this place to be able to let out all of the hurt helps me to be able to get on with my life outside of cyberspace. I spent too many years having elders and others in the congregation tell me how to feel and how to act, and being chided for not acting accordingly or "putting on the new personality"tm soon enough.

  Life isn't all sweetness and light. It has two sides, and I think they are fairly represented here. There's as much laughter and silliness and joy and encouragement as there is commiserating.
• 

  Carmel

  monkey,

  I've been out for over forty years and chose to leave behind not only the JUU's but my entire family as well as they made it clear that their "love" was based on me staying "in". As a youth it was somewhat disconcerting to have no family as support but in the long run it made me more self-reliant and capable. Life is much more fun when you know that you can be what you want to be with only yourself to limit you. Shunning has slipped into the dim past but even when it was an issue, I simply chose to not let it get to me. I found new friends and eventually developed within another faith group those that I consider closer to me than any of my blood relative ever were. I have no time for bitterness for the experiance as I chose to make lemonaid so-to-speak.

  Hope you aren't discouraged by your brief experiance here.

  carmel