introducing * drum roll* me

gabcol

Hi everyone. I'm a long time lurker, first time writer on this site. Years and years ago, I was on another ex-jw message board though I'm not sure if it's still around or not. I really enjoy reading all of your stories. Don't get me wrong, many are sad/painful but the reason I enjoy it, is because they help me realise I have made the right decision everytime I question myself. I am not disfellowshipped nor d.a. but I've been out for 14 years now. I have gone through all of the emotions, scared, anger, confusion and finally acceptance.

I was born and raised in America. My mum came into the org when I was 6 though my dad never took the bait. When I was 18 I moved to Australia for a jehovah's witness woman. Long story short, after 4 years of marriage ( yes i was one of those who married when I was 18), she cheated on me and moved her new boyfriend in.... this is where i started questioning my faith.

At the time this was happening, she scammed me out of money and left me in huge debts. I was penniless and about to be homeless. I told the brothers and they offered me much more than food,shelter or money. They offered me...... a bible study.. yes a bible study. I ended up living on the streets for a little bit. Stopped going to meetings. I got my life back on track ( thanks to a homosexual I met...... why did I say that point? You'll see why in a second)

3 years later, I bumped into a brother I knew before and he asked me why I don't go to meetings. I told him bluntly. I said' I needed food and shelter, you brothers offered nothing but a bible study... how was that going to help me? I ended up in the streets picking through garbage. Do you know who helped me? A homosexual!!! Yes, someone you guys condemn did more for me than my spiritual brothers". He apologised, which I give credit for... As far as how my family has accepted me now, that's another story if anyone is interested... but I'm glad to finally get a chance to talk to all of you... and just remember, you aren't alone

DesirousOfChange

I bumped into a brother I knew before and he asked me why I don't go to meetings. I told him bluntly. I said' I needed food and shelter, you brothers offered nothing but a bible study... how was that going to help me? I ended up in the streets picking through garbage. Do you know who helped me? A homosexual!!!

I'd bet that all that was repeated at the KHall was that you admitted to living with a homo. JWs love their gossip.

Welcome to our motley crew of mentally diseased apostates! Glad you're here! Hope life is treating you better at this point in time!

The greatest revenge is living a happy & successful life!

gabcol

Thank you! It's good to be home among friends :-) Yes, life has been going good now.

Giordano

Welcome Gabco! You weren't all that gabby.

What we often lack on this and other forums that you could help us with...... Is how an almost born-in JW can transition into a capable non JW.

You mentioned a friend being virtually the only one that offered help. Some how this connection was helpful........ maybe even vital?

After hitting bottom re money and debts, being homeless etc........... what happened next?

In my case I was able to get out after being a JW for 10 years..... in at 13 out at 23. My wife left with me.

We had one High School (C-) diploma between us. No money, no trade or real job experience.......... we were pioneers where the need is great.

We left that congregation and everything related to the JW world.

We had a baby on the way and Vietnam was a slaughter house and I lost my minister's deferment, The Society started it's 1975 end of the world campaign and I could only think......... that my timing really sucked.

I'll share some details about what happened next if you can tell us how your life evolved.

hybridous

Quite a story. Glad to have you aboard - the worst parts are behind you.

days of future passed

I bet you stood there with your mouth open when they offered you a bible study. I can't even imagine the shock of that. I might have started laughing (and crying)

Gad you could join us.

gabcol

Thanks for the welcoming everyone. Giordano- I'd love to hear your story. For me, leaving the org was hard. After i got off the streets, I moved back to America thinking I could start over, become a stronger witness. 3 things happened in America which really drove the final nail in for me leaving the org. 1.) After a few months, I met a witness woman from a different congregation and we clicked... just clicked. We talked for hours, hung out ( in groups) and I told her everything. Well, the elders told me I needed to stop because I wasn't in a position to date yet. I was still spiritually weak. So, I had to get on the phone ( I couldn't drive to talk to her in person) and told her that I wasn't allowed to date her anymore. Thinking of her crying still breaks my heart till this day.

2.) Petty but still strict. I thought I might try growing a mustache.. I went to the meeting one night and an elder pulled me aside and told me I needed to shave it off. I was angry because there was a ministarial servant at the literature counter who had one and it was alright for him.

3.) There was a "brother" whom I would read the proclaimers book to. He was living in Canada when Jw's were banned there during the 2nd World War. He would tell me stories about how they would go out at night putting tracts at people's doors. Him one night and his wife the next night... one would stay home and watch the kids. Anyway, this brother lived his life saying the end was coming soon, how he was so excited to be young again, to welcome back his wife who passed away.... and he died. This man was promised he would never die ( He was around for the millions will never die era) and that promise was broken.

So I moved back to Australia. I never stepped foot in a kingdom hall again. I went through mental anguish in such silly things. The first birthday I celebrated after leaving, my first christmas... heck even wishing someone a happy birthday or merry christmas. These little things were so hard to enjoy for awhile. I felt so guilty, so ashamed. I have read how a few of you worried about the big what if.... what if armegeddon came. I went through that too. I had that fear ingrained in me. I still worry about that sometimes.

As far as my family relation.. my dad is secretly happy that I left.. he told me that in private. My mum... she didn't talk to me for a few years. But now, I'm allowed to see her and talk to her and when I'm in america, I'm allowed to stay at the house. She had to ask permission from the elders first though. It's funny though, I smoke when she is around and she doesn't say anything. The first few times we talked about religion, I got to the point where I was raising my voice and shaking. Now after the years have passed, things have mellowed and we can have open, honest discussions without it getting heated. Though she still tells me the end is coming. My older sister is married to an elder, so I haven't talked to her in 10 years now. As far as my congregation there, last time I visited my city, there was a restaurant holding a charity thing for a family. The mother ( a friend who was a sister in the congregation) died from breast cancer. She worked at that restaurant, and they were putting all money earned from the day towards helping the family pay the bills. I went to that restaurant, and gave the family a hug. They sat down and talked to me while having lunch. A few others from the congregation sat down and talked with me too... however, I did see a few in town ( it's rather tiny) and they completely ignored me. So some were more open than others.

neat blue dog

Your story of the homosexual who helped you reminds me of the story of the neighborly Samaritan, and the Pharisee couldn't bring himself to say it was HIM who help the man instead of the priest and Levite. Nice to meet you gabcol, welcome.

Still Totally ADD

Welcome gabcol to this site. Good to have on board. What a brave person you are to go through all that without the emotional support of this site. Kudos to your gay friend in helping you out. I have learn how willing many are to help. Nothing like the Borg wants you to believe. What insight you will be able to teach from your experiences. Take care Still Totally ADD

Giordano

We left that congregation and everything related to the JW world.
We had a baby on the way and Vietnam was a slaughter house and I lost my minister's deferment, The Society started it's 1975 end of the world campaign and I could only think......... that my timing really sucked.

A little while after our son was born new rules meant that fathers were not going to be drafted. I told my son about that a while back and he told me he hadn't realized that and boy i owed him a big one!

I told him I gave him a big one in return........we didn't raise him as a JW!

We had relocated to Fort Lauderdale on the basis that while it was expensive to vacation............. it was, in those days, cheap to live there. If we had to be poor we could still enjoy the free beaches, fishing etc.

I did start making a better living during the Florida real estate booms. I used my JW skill set....Look well groomed....... dress nicely, look people in the eye and pretend you really cared what they were saying. I was able to project interest because of all the boring JW meetings I had attended.

My wife got her high school equivalency degree and took some college courses.

I discovered that I was a decent photographer and became a professional artist my wife also become an artist........ we traveled the country exhibiting in art events, galleries and museums over the next 3 decades.

By the way we will be celebrating our 55th anniversary this year and we are still best friends.

1975? We were so far out of the JW world we totally forgot about it.

Lost our JW friends? Sure. Made new ones? Absolutely.

Was it worth leaving? You betcha!

introducing * drum roll* me

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