Alone

Youngaposthate

Hey you all, I'm honestly pretty depressed on my own out there. It's quite terrifying being on your own out there in a lone wolf kinda way. I'm not sure how much my brain can tolerate this mest up feeling of social abandonment caused by the borg and family. I've had a rough road and if I'm truly honest, there is moments of wanting death vs. life. I just need some words of encouragement. I'm basically self sustaining myself, emotionally, economically, physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I've lost so much and I'm still young but I rather in an existentialist way hit the end of the road more now than ever.

Pete Zahut

Yeah....it's pretty lonely at times (especially now) when you leave the group. That's why most stay with it even when it isn't making sense to them.

Right now with the covid19 distancing everyone is feeling a lot like what you're feeling but at least they know they can go back to their regular life once it's over.

In regard to your life vs death feelings, you're not the first person to feel that way nor, unfortunately will you be the last. You are in emotional pain and it's natural for you to want it to stop. Like most people you really want to live but you want the pain to stop and you don't have the skills YET to know how to go about it.

What you're going through now is kind of like physical exercise, you can't get stronger until you go through the pain and strain. No one can do it for you but they can encourage you to keep going and help you remember that everything is difficult before it becomes easy.

It may be helpful to stop looking back on how things were in your old life and comparing them to how things are now. It's too soon for that. We tend to look back on things and remember them better than what they really were. At the same time it may be helpful not to look to far into the future into the unknown. Right now odds are you won't be able to come up with anything hopeful about the future right now because there are too many unknowns. Looking too far into the future will make you feel worried and hopeless.

Try to stay in the moment as much as possible and trust that if you put one foot in front of the other and keep your nose pointed toward the things you want and your mind off of the things you don't want, you will get where you want to be.

Get a notebook and when you catch yourself worrying or ruminating on negative thoughts, write them down and write out a few possible solutions and two or three things you can do tomorrow to move you closer to where you want to be. Put the notebook aside and resist thinking about those things and find comfort in the fact that you have a plan for tomorrow, no matter how small it may seem.

It's good that you reached out to us here, most of us have been where you are at some point and have make it through to the other side.

Be patient with your self through this and try to remember that even though it feels like it, your life isn't an emergency. You are not responsible for having all of the answers all of the time. Happiness isn't like a bus stop that you arrive at one day and there you are. It comes in moments and hours and stretches of time both short and long. The more you're able to roll with the punches and adjust to change, the more of it you'll experience.

This is a weird time in history with all that's going on so your struggle is extra difficult right now. There are professional services out there who are now more than ever making themselves available by phone or internet to those who find themselves struggling. Take advantage of them. Keep talking and reaching out. Be helpful to others, reach out to someone in need. Often when we help someone else, we are benefited most. Avoid watching the news....go on a news fast. Make sure to get outside and take a walk for an hour each day so that you can gain a little perspective on life. Keep checking in here and let us know what's going on or ask for advice about specific areas you need help with.

You can stand just about anything if you take it an hour at a time.

Youngaposthate

Thanks I really appreciate it.

Tim207

I can’t write something profound or As well written as petezehut but just know that you aren’t alone. The fact that this site exists means there are others like us either going thru similar situations or have been thru it already. If your feeling alone post something. Pretty soon you’ll have some folks replying. The world is full of distractions some good some bad it’s your choice, find one that makes you happy or find happiness in trying them out. Isn’t life suppose to be like a box of chocolates? I despise the aftertaste of dark

smiddy3

Welcome Youngaposthate ,may I suggest you utilize the search engine at the top of the page for any subject you want to know more about, ? it is a great tool and one that i think is not used enough in helping people in conjunction with the feed back you get here .

BlackPuddingEater

It's a big price to pay for your freedom from the organisation but that is because it is worth it. It helped me to keep reminding myself of that.

It is great that you have caught yourself just as the dark dogs of depression are at your heals, I read your bio post from last month and it looks like you are wise enough if things don't improve to seek professional help.

The current situation with COVID19 can't be helping but that is temporary. There are many people who have had the perfect birthday and Christmas upbringing who are loosing their shit over this. Use this time as an oasis in your topsy turvy life.

I'm sure you have the mental strength to get through this. Breaking away for family and community for your own preservation takes a lot. I found that the mental strength forged while being brought up a JW to face class mates and going door to door could be turned into a steel hard resolve to push through.

Keeping busy and working towards your future is a great way to heal I found. You write that you are interested in a career in computer science? I am in hardware engineering. Engineering is great, it teaches an analytical approach to life, it has creative elements and engineers in general tend to be social misfits, so we can fit right in ;)

If you have a half decent PC and internet access you can make a great start in self learning. Do you code? I found this youtube channel recently search for freeCodeCamp.org on youtube. So easy once things are explained.

You are not alone youngapostate.

stan livedeath

always good to see young new members joining this site--and hitting the keys as well.

nice username BPE.

longgone

You’ve arrived at a great place for support and suggestions from those who have been right where you are today. You’ll feel better soon, just keep at it. I’ve been where you are and the kind people here have literally saved my life and I’m so grateful. I left the jw’s four years ago, since then I’ve experienced so much joy! Yet there have been some dark hours but they pass, they definitely will for you too.

Come here whenever you need to. Keep going forward, even one hour at a time as Pete said. My suggestion would be to read, and then read again any advice that’s helpful in your situation. I did that as well as writing some things down in a notebook. Follow through then. Even if you don’t feel like it, go for that walk, if it’s cold, bundle up. If it’s raining take your umbrella. Hot? Grab your shades and water bottle and head on out! The exercise is good for your body and soul. There’s life in that fresh oxygen. You might pass people along the way, a smile and hello from you can make they’re day and yours! It has for me many times.

Also, if you’re a music lover, listen to the genres that makes you feel energized, here’s one that I think you’ll love, it’s called Fight Song, by Rachel Platten. The Official Video on YouTube is amazing. I promise you’ll feel better. Freedom is worth all effort, you can do this. 💪 ❤️

caves

I think you will find many of us here get exactly what you are saying because we have felt that way in one way or another.

I get the feeling of ' not sure how much more my brain can take'!

I've been there to many times to count.

Like Pete Zahut said, Staying in the NOW helps a lot. Also don't be afraid to call a hotline. I've had to many times and it helped. ( just a note on that as I have much experience with calling hotlines, sometimes you may get someone that is flippant, or abruptly hangs up because of time constraints or the caller they had before you is literally out on a ledge and called back and they have to dispatch the call. If that happens 'no one ever warned me that it could , so it took me by surprise and hurt me',) ...simply call back.

Definitely try finding a therapist asap. In the meantime and during please do come here and share your feelings, as many here can relate.

In time and perhaps not so very far off in the distant future you will find that you are stronger than many people around you because you went through this.

I have friends that would crumble if they had even 1/16 of this happen to them. That fact alone makes me feel more empowered within myself.

The feelings of wanting to die considering what you are going through/have gone though are absolutely normal. It completely sucks on every level.

Please do reach out here.

Caves

scary21

This week has been really bad for me too. I even told my sister "I can now understand why people kill themselves" I am a survivor and so are you. I feel like my whole life has been a lie. I will go on because I KNOW there will be better days.

There will be better days ahead for you too. I promise !

Alone

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