Damage Control

gitasatsangha

I had a close friend who left the Borg before I did. When it he made his choice, I was still having my own doubts. But, the way he left was so abrupt, I did about the worst thing I ever have. He came to my door to say goodbye (he was leaving town, also) and I guess to try and make his peace. I wouldnt let him in. I cussed him out even. I was so angry at him for leaving the JWs I wanted to attack him right there on my doorstep. He left, and we didn't speak for many years. Almost from that day on, I hated what I had done, but there was no one to speak with about it. Some bridges you burn.

I recently was able to meet my old friend again. I have apologized and we stay in contact now. Still, I think that day will always remain. What I did, I don't even think I can blame the Watchtower for. I regret it constantly.

Have any of you all ever chose the org over a friend in need? How do you reconcile this and move on?

Sentinel

You made a mistake (perhaps your emotions were not in control that day) and obviously your friend is a friend in both the good times and bad, and has now forgiven you. Both of you need to get past that "event" if you wish to salvage what sounds like a good foundation for a continuing friendship. (good friends don't just happen) From now on, "today is the first day for the rest of your life".

undercover

I can empathize with you. A very close friend that I grew up with in the borg lost a parent to death. My friend was DFd at the time. I remember going to the funeral home for visitation the night before the funeral. As I stopped to offer my condolences to the family members in the receiving line, I completely ignored my DFd friend. I didn't even look at him. I spoke to his other parent, and aunts/uncles/cousins, all who I had grown up with, but would not say one word to this person who I spent my youth with and considered a best friend before he was DFd. To this day I regret my actions that night. Every time I think of it, it disgusts me that I behaved in such a way. It was a sorry way to treat another person. I have since been in similar situations where a DFd person was present at a funeral or in a hospital visiting sick relatives. I now speak to them, offering condolences and help in whatever way I can. I would sometimes be looked funny at by elders, but none ever said anything. I was always ready with my defence though: If Jesus was present in this situation, do you think he would treat people in such a way?

crinklestein

The reason you felt that way was because you knew deep inside that it was wrong to shun people because of what they believe in. This is the very nature of human kind coming out telling you that you were wrong and that is so much more important than what the JWs tell you is right.

Maverick

I guess the shunning of a person was one thing I could never get behind. I just didn't see the Creator and his Son being that petty. You adopted a mindset from those phoney, unloving, old farts in Brooklyn. Blame them and not yourself. Transfer those feeling of failing your friend to the Head duds! Picture how happy what you did made them feel... the scumbags! Your friend forgave you,show yourself that same mercy. If you want to be unforgiving put that emotion on the Governing Body... Works great for me! May you have peace, Maverick

amen

Don't blame yourself too much, remember the society still controls some of our emotions with years of indoctrinations and the more you believed they had the truth the more you might have acted their ways.I know there is a disfellowship person in my hall everytime i see him at the kingdom hall I would make a sign to him. But in your case the past is the past. Since you asked to be forgiven I don't think your friend will hold it against you.

Amen

gold_morning

Please don't feel too badly about it. We were very confused about what a REAL conscience is. The Borg tells us what our consciences should be. We just didn't see that is was one dictated by fear and not free will to think for ourselves.

I have a regrett also, so this post hit home with me. I wish I could have the opprotunity to make it right like you. I had a very best friend that I grew up with in the organization. I was disfellowshiped in the early 80's. Many years went by and I heard she had been disfellowshiped too. I did not know if she had gotten herself reinstated and I suspose she did not know if I did either.

Many years had passed and I went into a jewlery store and who came up to the counter? Yes, my old dear friend. Each one did not know if the other was still disfellowshiped or reinstated. We both acted like we had never seen each other before. She asked, "May I help you?" and I repliled.."No, I'm just looking."

That was it. I have regretted not talking to her for many years!! After all those years, I still felt quilty and unworthy enough not to dare talk to her. They taught us to be soooo cruel to oneanother!! Neither one of us, I'm sure, really knew why we did not great eachother.

Maybe someday I can make it right. Thanks for sharing!!

agape love, gold_morning

tazmaniac

It was funny the other day. I was in a parts wholesalers showroom. Lots of guys picking up parts etc. Many of the guys laughing and carrying on. Here I am at the counter and an M/S (maybe an elder by now) comes into the same showroom. He talks and chuckles with all the "worldly guys", like they are all old fishing buddies. Then he sees me and just shuts up. Like I am worse that all those worldly guys put together. But I cant blame him. I know in my "witness til death mode", I was tried and true and if I ran into someone like me I would do the same exact thing. I remember once at the KH when a former elder came to the meeting (at that point DF). He had about 2 years earlier taken off with an M/S's wife. We all made sure he felt as icy cold as possible.

gitasatsangha

Thank you all for your advice and help.

LB

I shunned someone one time. He was recently DFed. I think he might have been about 21-22 years old at the time. He walked up towards me and I just looked right past him and kept going.

When I got home I gave him a phone call and the next day we met for lunch. I knew I wasn't going to last long after that.

Some things are just wrong aren't they?

Damage Control

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